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    My New Chapter

    Divorce is a difficult thing to go through even if it's something you really want and need. All kinds of emotions come up suddenly and they can be overwhelming. Focus on yourself, stay strong. You can do this :) When I divorced, I made a deal with the father of my children to be able do...
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    Simultaneous NRE

    No…yes…maybe, is it the same thing? :D I meant how they both seem to collect new crushes and have a need to have sex with new people. Also the way they don't seem to care how this affects other people. But I realized I hadn't talked about this side of Salamander a lot on this forum because I...
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    Gender-Neutral Pronouns?

    Exactly! I grew up learning a language without gender distinction in the singular third pronoun (one word for both he/she). I often find it rather annoying in other languages that I am forced to make an irrelevant point. I mean… if the distinction is relevant there are other ways to bring it up...
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    Simultaneous NRE

    I see a lot of similarities with Ginger and Salamander. I suppose our relationship would have ended up like yours if it would have continued. Not a pleasant idea and I'm sorry your relationship wasn't as happy as you hoped it would be. I think Opalescents idea of 40 days without contact is...
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    Just LR

    Awesome letter! Thanks for sharing :)
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    12 things

    I really struggled making a distinction between needs and wants, and this is why I had a difficult time making my needs list earlier. Since then I've come accross a definition that makes sense and made it easy for me to understand the difference. The problem I had earlier is that needs and wants...
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    12 things

    I tried to find something I'd written and came across this one. I wrote it less than three months ago. These were things I needed to work on, and now that I go through the list, it seems I'm living it! Without this list, I wouldn't know.
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    Anarchy! (Um . . . Relationship Anarchy, that is.)

    I'm surprised by how close I come to being a relationship anarchist :D I thought I wouldn't fit the description that well. I would never date a cheater, but it's not about the person being cheated on… well actually it is, my empathy extends to so many people, I would never want to put somone...
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    12 things

    Hi all :) Icesong: To me, because of my aspie traits, open communication is a must. If the other person relies on hinting, they might have to hint for a decade (true story) before I understand. It's frustrating for both parties. MusicalRose: I've realised that a boundary list is essential for...
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    12 things

    It wasn't my needs list, but this one I've been revising: Added: any addiction WS or DB depending on how severe) Added: ignoring me in company. (I don't mean I need constant attention, but asking me somewhere and hanging out with others is not cool.) Added: acting like a servant to others...
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    Simultaneous NRE

    I'm so sorry :( I've been following your story and this is not the end I hoped for you, although I know the relief of getting out of unsatisfactory situation. It's still painful. *hugs*
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    12 things

    JaneQSmythe, you are right, of course :) Too busy to rewrite my needs-list today...
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    12 things

    Oh boy… all the lies. I wasn't ready to let go of Salamander completely, so we've been talking and trying to find a way to be friends. And then I found out that all these talks were based on lies, that he'd lied to Sunflower too (I talked with her about things, finally). He keeps lying about...
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    Confessing a Past Affair

    I had to look this one up in a dictionary… a foible: minor weakness or eccentricity in someone's character. I really don't consider "the capacity to cheat" a minor weakness or eccentricity. I see being cheated (or betrayed) as a risk one takes when committing to a relationship, not as something...
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    Partner keeps breaking boundaries.

    Hi, you might not like what I have to say. My last relationship ended because my partner cheated on me and broke our agreements about what kind of poly relationship we are having. He had cheated on a previous girlfrien so, I told him upfront that if he does the same to me our relationship is...
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    Kevin's Hetero MFM Poly-Fi V

    I think you are being too hard on yourself. The only reason anyone needs for staying in an environment like that is brainwashing. When it continues long enough, you can't see through it. When you grow up with it, you never learn of anything else, and what you need to break away is some really...
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    Compartmentalizing vs lying

    I'm going to post a quote I found in a thread somewhere (not on this forum) and saved it just so I would never let anyone systematically lie to me again. If you decide to stay (and it really is your decision) pay attention to how you feel over time. You already said that these lies make you...
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    Your most recent OKC messages. post em here!

    I love these explanations :D
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    Your most recent OKC messages. post em here!

    One word: "tying". I have no idea...
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    Anarchy! (Um . . . Relationship Anarchy, that is.)

    I'll check the links in a minute but your post already gave me much to think. After the break up with Salamander I tried to google stuff about closure and how to move on after cheating. I really hated that most articles were about getting back together or about how to remove the person from your...
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