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  1. icesong

    Safety and security

    Usual first date is coffee somewhere public - everyone’s sober and it has a built in opportunity to leave when you finish your drink if things aren’t working. Otherwise I honestly don’t worry THAT much about safety. Oh, I do have location tracking turned on, but I don’t think of that as...
  2. icesong

    ADHD and the struggle to adapt

    OMG, this! I totally had that experience. And the fact that no one talked about it as a possibility has had lasting effects on my life/my relationship with my husband.
  3. icesong

    ADHD and the struggle to adapt

    Also there’s something really ironic about baldness meds causing lack of sex drive.
  4. icesong

    ADHD and the struggle to adapt

    I’ll say that Wellbutrin helped my adhd/depression and didn’t touch my sex drive (already high). Did make my insomnia a bit worse especially at the beginning.
  5. icesong

    On current societal relationship dynamics

    Haha check my sig, we are in fact the same age. ;-)
  6. icesong

    On current societal relationship dynamics

    (But damn the culture wars are alive and well, quite literally. I drive by a megachurch on the way to/from Artist’s house… they literally have a banner up saying “fight for the family… god vs culture” (paraphrasing because I was driving). SUCH an ironic thing to read when one is driving back to...
  7. icesong

    Sex advice for weight/mobility issues

    I haven’t found a name for that one either, and it’s a favorite for me as well. ::goes off to check kinkly, they have a good position guide… :: “Binding Spoon”… ok, not a bad description. (Side note: OP, you may want to flip through this, and the site in general, as I’m pretty sure I’ve seen...
  8. icesong

    On current societal relationship dynamics

    I agree about porn not being great - which is hard to quantify without being hypocritical given just how much time I spent reading both romance novels and some REALLY sexually f’d up scifi when I was on the younger end of my teens (and had no one to talk to about it). On the other hand, I used...
  9. icesong

    Are you into Relationship Collage or Relationship Complete?

    I’m not sure I like either of those, but then I don’t tend to like categories. I lean _closer_ to collage. There are relationships that make me very happy but would be unsustainable were I monogamous - Knight and I just wouldn’t be physically compatible and I’d be miserable, but we work so well...
  10. icesong

    On current societal relationship dynamics

    There’s also a streak of weird purity culture even in the more alt side of the under 25’s, it’s just coming from a slightly different motivation. Like, they’re better than my age at consent… but also weirdly sex negative / anti-porn in an almost patronizing way. I mean, I’m stereotyping, it’s...
  11. icesong

    Not really a blog

    The degree to which Reddit jumps to “this is abusive” has become really unhealthy. Like, you can’t just have two people that aren’t good for each other, SOMEONE not only has to be the bad guy in that relationship but have some deep seated pattern or even character flaw. I try to hang out there a...
  12. icesong

    More Than Two - The Revised Edition

    I mean, I will _probably_ read it, but I read fast so that’s, like, a couple hours of my life. The reason I’m giving it a chance is because the intro said it was more about philosophy/psychology and less about personal anecdote, and I think that approach might work whether or not either of them...
  13. icesong

    Allosexual husband of an asexual wife explores options

    It’s not unreasonable - that is a really hard place to be in. It can be navigated - my husband isn’t completely asexual but is not wildly interested in me - if anything I’d guess he’s freysexual, as when he has the opportunity for “new” his libido goes up. Weirdly it’s helped for me to see that...
  14. icesong

    Thoughts on this journey

    Isn’t hyperfocus fun? (There are several of us here, unsurprisingly - if you hadn’t noticed, I think the Venn diagram of adhd/poly is damn near a circle…)
  15. icesong

    Not really a blog

    Do you want to discuss this or is this just musing? (That one was philosophical enough that it would make a good thread).
  16. icesong

    Fantasy to reality (advice on healthy polyamorous dynamics)

    So basically you’re a male unicorn, seeking a (mostly?) sexual relationship with a straight-ish couple. Definitely there are people looking for that, I’d recommend you do a search on “unicorn hunters” to find some of the pitfalls you may run into. Less so, I think, for you than many - for...
  17. icesong

    Thoughts on this journey

    I swear my high school stories end up sounding like that…
  18. icesong

    Mind blowing!

    I will say that this does kind of raise a bit of a yellow flag for me due to my own past experiences. I was in a quad like this, and my then-metamour and sometimes partner Pink!Girl very very strongly wanted us all to stay “closed” while Knight was very much invested in still being able to date...
  19. icesong

    Empath and Metamour Drama

    Do you have spaces to be by oneself in your house? Separate bedroom or office?
  20. icesong

    Empath and Metamour Drama

    It DOES suck, and I'm sorry that happened. I used to wonder whether that was what actually happened with my first quad, and then I realized that it didn't really matter anyway as I don't want to be with anyone who would let one person they love force them to hurt another person that they (said...
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