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    Heartbreak

    Thank you. It’s helpful just to know I’m not the only one. Speaking to friends helps a bit, but as mono people their response is often along the lines of “at least you’ve still got a husband” which does not help!! She’s not fine though, she’s gutted. It’d be easier if I felt like she just didn’t...
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    Heartbreak

    We have future plans for holidays with her and my family for this summer and next (which obviously won’t happen now). We both knew we could sleep with other people. She was very clear that she wanted only “casual” relationships (meaning not living in each other’s pockets, no relationship...
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    Heartbreak

    Partner has broken up with me after her new monogamous partner gave her an ultimatum. I am heartbroken. Hoping others have been through similar and might have stories to share or just words of support. Background: I met a girl this time last year and we became great friends. In September we...
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    Beta readers needed

    Hi I’m working on a novel about a young couple opening up their relationship. I am trying to write the book I wish had existed for me - to show me it was possible, that my husband could read and enjoy (non fiction on a subject you’re not that interested in isn’t very alluring but an easy story...
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    Sharing

    Thanks everyone. Good to hear different points of view. I definitely think don’t ask don’t tell is a recipe for disaster so wanted to check we were far enough along the spectrum! It’s not so much that I’m desperate to give him all the gory details, more that it makes me happy and I want to tell...
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    Sharing

    My husband and I have got to a generally good place thanks, partly to lockdown forcing us to slow things down. He is mono (but I think still on apps so potentially open to more if the right person came along) and I am definitely poly. He still finds it difficult though, it’s more that he...
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    Me time

    UPDATE: He is about to go on a spontaneous run with his brother! 🎉
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    Me time

    Thank you, sounds like you can relate a lot!! I sent him this text yesterday and I do feel like it helped him take it on board a bit better: “I think I’ve had a revelation. You are really amazing at leaving me to it when I’m like this and I am super grateful for it. You don’t try and force me...
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    Me time

    I don’t feel that he resents it, he just doesn’t understand it because he doesn’t want/need it himself (plus he gets it just because of how our lives work). I think he does understand that it’s not that I want to be away from him, but that I want to be alone, so I hope he doesn’t take it...
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    Me time

    Yes I’ve seen the same counsellor recently and we’ve seen her together too. I’ve had a lot of major bereavement this year, home schooling, working in a very involved job, all the extra stresses of covid without the normal escape routes like nights out and holidays. I’m pretty good at dealing...
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    Me time

    I’m really struggling to get my husband to understand my need for alone time. This has always been a bit of an issue, but has understandably become worse during lockdown. He works from home and doesn’t really go out unless we’re together so there is almost never a time when I am at home and he...
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    A midlife crisis, or...? (HELP)

    You took a long time to reach this point yourself, and you want it! It’s going to take her longer to get her head round something that’s not her own desire. I’d recommend her reading Untrue by Wednesday Martin as a way to explore her own desire a bit more rather than her trying to understand...
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    A midlife crisis, or...? (HELP)

    Horrible position to be in! It’s so hard. If you really want to stay with your wife and try to find a polyamorous balance I think it’s possible - with a lot of patience! My husband has been incredibly understanding with me. He’s understood all the general theory, my specific reasons, the...
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    Why do you use the online name that you use?

    I have found mine a good initial test of compatibility- if they know my name is a Harry Potter reference then we usually get on!
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    Is Poly Right for You?

    1. Do you want an open relationship? Yes 2. Is your relationship stable and happy? Very 3. Are you an enthusiastic sex & relationship communicator? possibly over enthusiastic 🤩 4. How jealous are you? I’ve been lucky never to have been really hurt so don’t have any baggage/trust issues...
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    Playing with friends

    I think we have made some progress. Husband has said that he can see the logic behind my choice but can’t get past his emotional response. He even said that he was extra defensive about it because he could see my side and knew it was right. Now that I feel like he has seen it from and properly...
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    Playing with friends

    Yes that is exactly my thinking! Their relationship has grown from this but it’s not always clear to me when my husband is genuinely fine with it or if he’s sometimes putting on a brave face or trying to be mature and not being honest with me that it’s difficult
  18. P

    Playing with friends

    Yes this is the guy that caused us some major marriage problems, but husband agrees that it was a miscommunication and they get on fine now, better than before if anything (as do me and husband). It was the catalyst for a lot of good. What I mean by logical is that I have had other crushes but...
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    Playing with friends

    I guess it’s more “I might fall in love with you, but that doesn’t mean I’ll leave my husband. I can feel that way about both of you (in different ways).” I’m only ever going to have a hierarchical model, my husband will always be my primary and public relationship.
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    Playing with friends

    I don’t think that being upfront prevents feelings from developing. It’s more about avoiding all the mind games that normally accompany the start of a relationship.
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