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  1. vanille

    Now He's Not Ready

    I'm not asking to have it deleted because I regret what I said. I asked because it hurt a other (separate) member on this forum. Enough so that he doesn't feel comfortable coming back. But I respect the decision.
  2. vanille

    Now He's Not Ready

    I want to thank everyone for their support and advice. Edit: Oh. And I'm not leaving the forum. Though out of respect for Armani, I will ask that this thread be deleted. If it can not be deleted, please do not be offended if I do not respond in it. Armani and I are a team. We should have...
  3. vanille

    Now He's Not Ready

    He loves me more than anything. I know he does. He supports me through school which is a big deal. Before March, we split everything 50/50. We paid our half when it came to living. Combining our finances (where he had nothing to gain and everything to lose) was a big deal. Me not working at all...
  4. vanille

    Now He's Not Ready

    What he has wanted since the beginning is a triad or V. Am I perhaps pushing it by wanting to include men as well? I mean .. boundaries are an issue right? I mean, it's okay for someone to say "Hey. I'm not cool with that" - right?
  5. vanille

    Now He's Not Ready

    No. And there's nothing too new here. We do talk about everything. I'm sure I didn't paint him in a beautiful light (though I tried my best to defend him). I do love him and am willing to do what he needs.
  6. vanille

    Now He's Not Ready

    I hope I don't appear meek and passive... or just justifying situations that are wrong. Maybe I'm stronger than him? I'm not sure. But isn't it the consensus to go at the person with the slowest pace? I don't NEED to date. Sure, it would be fun. But it's not like I've already met someone...
  7. vanille

    Bi Assumptions

    I hope I didn't come across that way. I don't just "lie there like a fish" praying it will be over with. I take satisfaction in knowing that I am doing something that my husband enjoys. I know it's important to him and I take joy in trying to perfect that art. I'm happy when he is happy. Ah, I...
  8. vanille

    Now He's Not Ready

    Here is my fear. He suddenly gets an interested girl (he is still active on dating site). They try it out. He lets me date because he's doing it. Then it doesn't work out with them and he is left alone again. I have a feeling he will take back his allowance and by then I may be attached to this...
  9. vanille

    Bi Assumptions

    I find it interesting -- the tie between Atheism and Buddhism. I see more and more Atheists (including myself) seeking something "a little more" and wondering if Buddhism could offer that. Interesting. I always wondered how Christians deal with polyamory. Oh. And I'm a gamer too!
  10. vanille

    Bi Assumptions

    I call myself bicurious. Though I also wonder sometimes if I'm asexual. So it's a dilemma. I did experiment in high school, though never past making out. I also developed what I could call 'crushes' on a couple of girls in high school. These were particular girls that I found very attractive and...
  11. vanille

    Now He's Not Ready

    This. I keep getting the feeling that he hopes I'll find a girl to bring into the relationship for both of us. No and that's a problem. If I was working, I think we would both feel a lot better. We would know that I'm not here because he takes care of me. (This isn't why I'm with him, but it's...
  12. vanille

    Now He's Not Ready

    One of the concerns he has voiced is that it hurts him that I would want to find another man when he apparently fulfills all of my needs. Okay. Okay. I know that didn't come out right. See... we started on this poly journey initially because my sex drive is not as high as his. We have sex about...
  13. vanille

    Now He's Not Ready

    Maybe the financials will make more sense if I explain further. I quit working in March to become a full time online student. Now, my graduation date (and hence work start date) depend in how much time I practice on my court reporting machine. Since I quit working and we combined our finances, I...
  14. vanille

    Now He's Not Ready

    Some of you may remember me. About a month ago, I posted a thread about my husband sleeping with a prostitute. After months of researching, we found ourselves in a limbo. We were ready to try something new, but neither of us had taken the first step. So after a lot of discussions, we agreed that...
  15. vanille

    struggling as second girl

    Out of curiosity, is it common for there to be two primaries? I guess I find it hard to picture two primaries in a relationship where you have been together for a very long time, and another where you have been together for a short amount of time. I'm not saying it's excusable to be rude and...
  16. vanille

    Your most recent OKC messages. post em here!

    By the way, I totally understand if that was a 'too long' didn't read moment. Am I just really dense? I really find his messages bizarre. Edit: oh one more! Him: omg ---------- Me: omg --------- him: you are flippen hot!!!!
  17. vanille

    Your most recent OKC messages. post em here!

    Him: Your profile is like an Abilify commercial, 80% disclaimers. I have a hard time believing you use the site. I've got a notion you are some kind of demographer. I first started using okcupid to write a story about it. But things got weird. I could never imagine an open marriage. I bet a...
  18. vanille

    struggling as second girl

    I do not have such experience. However, I have been with my husband for ten years. I wonder if something similar could happen. I imagine if it did, it would only be out of habit (frequent calls, seeking advice, etc). If this is new, he may be going out of his way to show her she has nothing to...
  19. vanille

    It's nice to meet you too! Feel free to contact me on OKC or email through the CL ad :)

    It's nice to meet you too! Feel free to contact me on OKC or email through the CL ad :)
  20. vanille

    Prostitutes and/or One Night Stands

    I just wanted to check in and let you all know that I'm doing great. I did need time and being home has helped for sure. We are doing great and are ready for the future and whatever it may bring. I want to thank all of you for your advice and support.
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