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Thank you both for your comments. I know that ultimately it comes down to me figuring out how to answer those questions for myself, but you've given me some things to think about, and it just helps knowing that other people can relate to what I'm going through. Thanks again.

I'm not sure if I belong here. But maybe somebody who has the patience to read through this whole thing will be able to give me some insight. Or maybe not - either way, getting it off my chest has become necessary to my mental health. I am two years into a committed monogamous relationship...