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I'll add this: My experience leads me to believe that individual sexual identity and expression is inherent and capable of ongoing change, but also subject to interruption. Somehow I was initially able to connect with Val when both of us were still in our sexual larval forms, in sexually-charged...

So in the middle of a conversation with my wife Val the other day, I said, in passing, "You're the poly one here." And she said to me, "You only think you're not." That's an interesting idea, as much for what it may say about me as it says about the one who said it. She seems to think I could...

Quick update. I have not been on this forum for a month... Things are good on the poly front here. A couple weeks back, Callie and I met one-on-one for coffee and to try to get to know each other and become more comfortable with each other. I think we accomplished that. When it came to sharing...

Val and I had our first session with the poly-friendly therapist. I'm not sure how I feel about how it went. I sure was under the microscope. I was told that I was "a beautiful man," but one who may not be as okay with everything as he thinks/wants to be. I challenged the therapist a few times...

Update: Callie, who recently separated from Steve, has been staying at our house since Friday. She was here through last night, and may be back Wednesday night, after which she'll go back to staying with other friends. She and Val spent a few hours over the weekend looking for a rental for her...

Just saw her off. She said she'll be home sometime before noon tomorrow, which made me involuntarily swallow hard. The kids made it difficult for me to properly or convincingly assure her I'll be fine in her absence tonight, so I just texted her, "Worry not about me. Love her." She responded...

Thank you, playswellwithothers and Vixtoria in particular, for sharing your experiences and insights about what Callie is likely experiencing. You have helped me wrap my head around what she's going through. I have Val relaying pretty much blow-by-blow what steps Callie has taken, and how Steve...

TGIG and Annabelmore, I think you both misunderstood me. But maybe I was unclear. I certainly didn't mince words when I wrote earlier today on the other thread (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=29631&page=4) that I am NOT interested in a triad: "That's off the table ... out of...

This is eye opening. It flips the script on what I fear I could feel for my wife's GF. I'm amazed and humbled by how she has inspired my wife to open up her heart to someone other than me. To me, that's an inherently attractive power. But AnnabelMore reminds me that the GF in turn must honor...

Good point, Anne. You got me there.

Schrondingerscat, very astute reading. I would add that I think Callie is fortunately in a financial situation that favors her coming out of this fine. But she's getting a lawyer, seeing a therapist, and hiring a real estate agent. Which brings to mind a new question: What would you and other...

"Couples who turn to a therapist hoping for guidance on ways to loosen -- but not break -- the bonds of standard monogamy are likely to be offered little but defensive condemnation and stilted bromides... [It is] the rare therapist [who is] willing to publicly consider that heterosexual couples...

No, GalaGirl, this thread is fine where it is. And the back-and-forth is more than welcome. I just regret I am unable to keep up with you all and engage with everyone, point by point. I also shouldn't have led folks to believe they're going to get frequent and dramatic blow-by-blow accounts of...

I really did not set out to serialize this situation or create an ongoing soap opera for anyone else's edification. I've really just been using this forum to sort out my feelings and thoughts about my role, limited though it may be, and seek input from a few experienced poly outsiders. Let me...

You're right, dinged, Steve's fight is a futile one. Callie has even pointed this out, I'm told. And regardless, he's still going down swinging. I can't say I blame him, or wouldn't do the same in his shoes. It's only been a few days since she laid it all out there for him. But she can cite many...

I'm saddened to report that all is not well for the other couple. Their marriage appears to be cratering, less because Callie recently fell in love with Val, and more because she has, for quite some time, been falling out of love with Steve. He is conflating the two realities, as would I in his...

UPDATE: As of two nights ago, Steve knows. Apparently he and Callie first talked at length about what needed to happen for their relationship to improve, and since that conversation was going so well, she wasted no time breaking the news that she had feelings for someone else. When she said her...

Thank you. All of you. I/we were heard. Before going out last night, Val read my post and most of your comments, harsh as some of them were. We needed exactly that-- to be called out. After reading the above the day before yesterday, Val immediately called Callie and shared my concerns with...

I'm new to the site and still trying to figure out its quirks. For example, I'm curious why, re: private messages, it says "0 sent messages" even though I've sent a half dozen or so. And is there a way for me to re-read the messages I've sent?

Two weeks ago, my wife of 10 years (gf for an additional 15 years), Val, admitted to having an unconsummated attraction to a married female colleague, Callie. Although this initially threw me, I love and trust Val enough to not stand in her way and to believe, as she has convinced me, that...