❤️

Amanda1987

New member
Hi, Looking for help on where to find a single female wanting to be a serious part of a couples relationship? We want something serious not just a hook up.
I have tried some apps/sites but profiles are fake etc.
can’t just walk up to someone and be like hey, wanna date me and my husband?
thanks
-Amanda
 

starlight1

Active member
Actually you can be like that on dating sites. I can't guarantee your luck on it, - what you're describing is unicorn hunting.

But speaking as a previously available woman wanting this situation, I would be looking to talk to both partners openly and honestly; and a casual meet and greet with honesty and making sure that I as a woman feels like I am an equal and valuable person from the get go, goes a long way.

Also you wouldn't be making a woman, "A part of your relationship" You'd be breaking up your "Established idea of a united twosome" and both of you dating the woman, with varied results. Perhaps she prefers women more, or doesn't want to share you two, or wants sex with out the other, or any other independent thought a woman has.

I don't know your gender or your partners, but think first of yourself when you dated your partner, Amanda, and then you'll get how to proceed with another woman?

You essentially will have to think of dating less like an easy lottery of available women, (like it is for a woman to date a man- much more options to casually and easily date a man as a single woman)

but more like, "What can we offer a woman that she cannot get herself, by herself?"

Because if you were approached by a couple how would you want to be treated?
 

Amanda1987

New member
Actually you can be like that on dating sites. I can't guarantee your luck on it, - what you're describing is unicorn hunting.

But speaking as a previously available woman wanting this situation, I would be looking to talk to both partners openly and honestly; and a casual meet and greet with honesty and making sure that I as a woman feels like I am an equal and valuable person from the get go, goes a long way.

Also you wouldn't be making a woman, "A part of your relationship" You'd be breaking up your "Established idea of a united twosome" and both of you dating the woman, with varied results. Perhaps she prefers women more, or doesn't want to share you two, or wants sex with out the other, or any other independent thought a woman has.

I don't know your gender or your partners, but think first of yourself when you dated your partner, Amanda, and then you'll get how to proceed with another woman?

You essentially will have to think of dating less like an easy lottery of available women, (like it is for a woman to date a man- much more options to casually and easily date a man as a single woman)

but more like, "What can we offer a woman that she cannot get herself, by herself?"

Because if you were approached by a couple how would you want to be treated?
This is exactly what I want for both of us! It is me and my husband. We are very happy but this is something I’ve always wanted. We def not looking to “ fix” things. That’s why We don’t do hook ups
 

DakotaRT

New member
Hi, Looking for help on where to find a single female wanting to be a serious part of a couples relationship? We want something serious not just a hook up.
I have tried some apps/sites but profiles are fake etc.
can’t just walk up to someone and be like hey, wanna date me and my husband?
thanks
-Amanda
Same experience here. All sites are either fake accounts, people looking for flings or tire kickers. I have met a lot of women only interested in me and not my spouse. It's extremely difficult to find what we're looking for that's why I've noticed a lot of couples end up in open relationships.

- Tiffany
 

Amanda1987

New member
Actually you can be like that on dating sites. I can't guarantee your luck on it, - what you're describing is unicorn hunting.

But speaking as a previously available woman wanting this situation, I would be looking to talk to both partners openly and honestly; and a casual meet and greet with honesty and making sure that I as a woman feels like I am an equal and valuable person from the get go, goes a long way.

Also you wouldn't be making a woman, "A part of your relationship" You'd be breaking up your "Established idea of a united twosome" and both of you dating the woman, with varied results. Perhaps she prefers women more, or doesn't want to share you two, or wants sex with out the other, or any other independent thought a woman has.

I don't know your gender or your partners, but think first of yourself when you dated your partner, Amanda, and then you'll get how to proceed with another woman?

You essentially will have to think of dating less like an easy lottery of available women, (like it is for a woman to date a man- much more options to casually and easily date a man as a single woman)

but more like, "What can we offer a woman that she cannot get herself, by herself?"

Because if you were approached by a couple how would you want to be treated?
I would not say we are unicorn hunting at all… we want all equal not just a play thing
 

Evie

Kaitiaki
Staff member
The thing is, it wouldn't be all equal to begin with, perhaps not ever if you remain married as there are legal privileges you have with a married spouse. You might want to check you're in a State where you aren't likely to be prosecuted for polygamy.

But back to the beginning. It takes time to get to know someone as well as you know each other. And it's unrealistic to expect that affection will grow in the same way in each part of the relationship. Unicorns aren't always just "playthings" - the term can be used to describe the newest person in a triad when the other two have an existing relationship. It's a big shift from one relationship to the 4 relationships going on in a triad:

AB
AC
BC
ABC

You are currently AB. You're looking for someone, C, who can manage to develop both individual relationships with each of you as well as the whole dynamic. That's a big ask from a person. Especially as you're going to still have your core of AB during that. C especially needs skills in being assertive about what they want out of the relationship. Equality is a nice word, but what does that look like in practice? If you intend to cohabit one day would you each have your own room? What about long before that and if you insist on barrier sex with C, or would you all just go get a health check and make decisions around birth control as a triad? Are you already parents? How does this impact C?

But that's a ways off already. Right now you need skills in dating in the real world because as you have experienced, apps aren't great. You literally can walk up to someone and say, "hey, my husband and I practice ethical non-monogamy and we'd like to get to know you better and see if we find a mutual attraction." Thing is, to do this you would have already agreed between you (AB) that this is the person you want to both approach. Already a power imbalance. Already inequality before you've even tabled the suggestion. Hopefully the person would know to ask if you are secure enough to develop the AC and BC relationships separately, and not just expect ABC all the time.

Where do you find this person? Well, places that you find any alternative sub culture. Ren faires and other reenactors, D&D groups (and Runequest), and kink communities are all good places to start IF you have a personal interest in these things. And do a Google search for poly meet ups in your area. But honestly, you're unlikely to find single women as often as you'll find partnered women who are open to having more partners.

On that note, what role models do you have for this being a successful triad? You could meet some successful triads in person and ask them about how they are successful. Gain as much knowledge as possible from those who have done it before. They know it's an exceptionally hard model to develop.

There really is no perfect dating website for this, because people are imperfect.
 

DakotaRT

New member
The thing is, it wouldn't be all equal to begin with, perhaps not ever if you remain married as there are legal privileges you have with a married spouse. You might want to check you're in a State where you aren't likely to be prosecuted for polygamy.

But back to the beginning. It takes time to get to know someone as well as you know each other. And it's unrealistic to expect that affection will grow in the same way in each part of the relationship. Unicorns aren't always just "playthings" - the term can be used to describe the newest person in a triad when the other two have an existing relationship. It's a big shift from one relationship to the 4 relationships going on in a triad:

AB
AC
BC
ABC

You are currently AB. You're looking for someone, C, who can manage to develop both individual relationships with each of you as well as the whole dynamic. That's a big ask from a person. Especially as you're going to still have your core of AB during that. C especially needs skills in being assertive about what they want out of the relationship. Equality is a nice word, but what does that look like in practice? If you intend to cohabit one day would you each have your own room? What about long before that and if you insist on barrier sex with C, or would you all just go get a health check and make decisions around birth control as a triad? Are you already parents? How does this impact C?

But that's a ways off already. Right now you need skills in dating in the real world because as you have experienced, apps aren't great. You literally can walk up to someone and say, "hey, my husband and I practice ethical non-monogamy and we'd like to get to know you better and see if we find a mutual attraction." Thing is, to do this you would have already agreed between you (AB) that this is the person you want to both approach. Already a power imbalance. Already inequality before you've even tabled the suggestion. Hopefully the person would know to ask if you are secure enough to develop the AC and BC relationships separately, and not just expect ABC all the time.

Where do you find this person? Well, places that you find any alternative sub culture. Ren faires and other reenactors, D&D groups (and Runequest), and kink communities are all good places to start IF you have a personal interest in these things. And do a Google search for poly meet ups in your area. But honestly, you're unlikely to find single women as often as you'll find partnered women who are open to having more partners.

On that note, what role models do you have for this being a successful triad? You could meet some successful triads in person and ask them about how they are successful. Gain as much knowledge as possible from those who have done it before. They know it's an exceptionally hard model to develop.

There really is no perfect dating website for this, because
I would not say we are unicorn hunting at all… we want all equal not just a play thing
I understand what you're asking Amanda. I've met a few ladies that are single looking for a couple on BiCupid app. I'm friends with one on Facebook and seeing where it goes now. You read the profiles and weed out the ones that you're not interested in. I'm also talking to a lady from a Facebook page called FFM only single ladies and couples. It has over 12K members. I've tried other apps and sites even sisterwives.com Sisterwives doesn't have many members on it, so I didn't have much luck.
 

Amanda1987

New member
The thing is, it wouldn't be all equal to begin with, perhaps not ever if you remain married as there are legal privileges you have with a married spouse. You might want to check you're in a State where you aren't likely to be prosecuted for polygamy.

But back to the beginning. It takes time to get to know someone as well as you know each other. And it's unrealistic to expect that affection will grow in the same way in each part of the relationship. Unicorns aren't always just "playthings" - the term can be used to describe the newest person in a triad when the other two have an existing relationship. It's a big shift from one relationship to the 4 relationships going on in a triad:

AB
AC
BC
ABC

You are currently AB. You're looking for someone, C, who can manage to develop both individual relationships with each of you as well as the whole dynamic. That's a big ask from a person. Especially as you're going to still have your core of AB during that. C especially needs skills in being assertive about what they want out of the relationship. Equality is a nice word, but what does that look like in practice? If you intend to cohabit one day would you each have your own room? What about long before that and if you insist on barrier sex with C, or would you all just go get a health check and make decisions around birth control as a triad? Are you already parents? How does this impact C?

But that's a ways off already. Right now you need skills in dating in the real world because as you have experienced, apps aren't great. You literally can walk up to someone and say, "hey, my husband and I practice ethical non-monogamy and we'd like to get to know you better and see if we find a mutual attraction." Thing is, to do this you would have already agreed between you (AB) that this is the person you want to both approach. Already a power imbalance. Already inequality before you've even tabled the suggestion. Hopefully the person would know to ask if you are secure enough to develop the AC and BC relationships separately, and not just expect ABC all the time.

Where do you find this person? Well, places that you find any alternative sub culture. Ren faires and other reenactors, D&D groups (and Runequest), and kink communities are all good places to start IF you have a personal interest in these things. And do a Google search for poly meet ups in your area. But honestly, you're unlikely to find single women as often as you'll find partnered women who are open to having more partners.

On that note, what role models do you have for this being a successful triad? You could meet some successful triads in person and ask them about how they are successful. Gain as much knowledge as possible from those who have done it before. They know it's an exceptionally hard model to develop.

There really is no perfect dating website for this, because people are imperfect.
I guess the term unicorn hunting made me feel like a bad person? I know that people are people and I didn’t want to feel like I’m looking for someone to just use as a play thing. I don’t want that at all
 

starlight1

Active member
The thing is, it wouldn't be all equal to begin with, perhaps not ever if you remain married as there are legal privileges you have with a married spouse. You might want to check you're in a State where you aren't likely to be prosecuted for polygamy.

But back to the beginning. It takes time to get to know someone as well as you know each other. And it's unrealistic to expect that affection will grow in the same way in each part of the relationship. Unicorns aren't always just "playthings" - the term can be used to describe the newest person in a triad when the other two have an existing relationship. It's a big shift from one relationship to the 4 relationships going on in a triad:

AB
AC
BC
ABC

You are currently AB. You're looking for someone, C, who can manage to develop both individual relationships with each of you as well as the whole dynamic. That's a big ask from a person. Especially as you're going to still have your core of AB during that. C especially needs skills in being assertive about what they want out of the relationship. Equality is a nice word, but what does that look like in practice? If you intend to cohabit one day would you each have your own room? What about long before that and if you insist on barrier sex with C, or would you all just go get a health check and make decisions around birth control as a triad? Are you already parents? How does this impact C?

But that's a ways off already. Right now you need skills in dating in the real world because as you have experienced, apps aren't great. You literally can walk up to someone and say, "hey, my husband and I practice ethical non-monogamy and we'd like to get to know you better and see if we find a mutual attraction." Thing is, to do this you would have already agreed between you (AB) that this is the person you want to both approach. Already a power imbalance. Already inequality before you've even tabled the suggestion. Hopefully the person would know to ask if you are secure enough to develop the AC and BC relationships separately, and not just expect ABC all the time.

Where do you find this person? Well, places that you find any alternative sub culture. Ren faires and other reenactors, D&D groups (and Runequest), and kink communities are all good places to start IF you have a personal interest in these things. And do a Google search for poly meet ups in your area. But honestly, you're unlikely to find single women as often as you'll find partnered women who are open to having more partners.

On that note, what role models do you have for this being a successful triad? You could meet some successful triads in person and ask them about how they are successful. Gain as much knowledge as possible from those who have done it before. They know it's an exceptionally hard model to develop.

There really is no perfect dating website for this, because people are imperfect.
This was exactly what I was trying to describe to past people and did so inelegantly. But yes, this so much this.
 

starlight1

Active member
I guess the term unicorn hunting made me feel like a bad person? I know that people are people and I didn’t want to feel like I’m looking for someone to just use as a play thing. I don’t want that at all
I wasn't trying to attack you. I promise.

In fact, I felt the same way when I first started on this site because it took me a long time to learn that people here are VERY direct, and when you aren't used to that level of directness it can come across as attack (especially when its only in written format.)

However, that level of directness is a breath of fresh air once you get used to it and utilize both in your own relationship and any future relationships with women :) I wish you so much luck with your search and hope that you find what you're looking for.

And yes there are just as many women not willing to commit in a long term relationship to a couple as there are couples scamming women, its not a one way thing. For me, I preferred not to be entangled but committed.
For other women they were bi only from the waist up. OR they were trying to wrangle the husband free of the wife, without the stigma of cheating "But you all agreed to this!" type of thing (And under the false pretenses of open/non-monogamy.)
 
Top