A note for couples posting "seeking" ads

Evie

Evie

Kaitiaki
Staff member
Hi and welcome to polyamory.com

We have a Friendships and Dating section if you are wanting to post looking for someone to join you as a couple.

It's becoming such a regular thing that there are a few things you should be aware of:

We're a comparatively small, international website that's designed to be a discussion forum, not a dating site, so finding people local to you is unlikely. You're better off checking out your local Facebook poly groups, Meetup or Fetlife for their events. Get out there and meet people in person.​
​
By posting ads, here or anywhere on the web, you're opening yourselves up to scammers, sex workers and catfishers. New couples post here every day, and scammers, etc., know it. If a message in your inbox seems too good to be true, it most likely is. You're welcome to report scammer/sex worker profiles to us, as we do not allow those here, but if you post your personal email or phone number, you're opening yourselves up to being scammed and/or spammed in ways we cannot control.​
​
Most couples post looking for single women. Some look for single men. This emphasis on finding a single person comes across as predatory on your part. You've probably talked a lot with each other about sharing someone together, having some hot sex, and perhaps even all falling in love, a la some of the TV shows portraying polyamory. Looking for someone together with a lot of expectations around how that person will slot into your lives, or perhaps just your bed, tends to dehumanise the person you are seeking. The more successful triads tend to start with the new/third person taking an interest in one of you, which over time may become a triad if that person starts to become fond of the other one of you. Expecting that they have equal attraction to both of you, and feelings keeping apace between you all, is generally a recipe for failure. There are a bunch of other relationship pitfalls with 'unicorn hunting,' but that's not what this post is for.​
​
So with these things in mind, feel free to post in Friendships and Dating, but manage your expectations and spend a little time learning about polyamory over in the sticky thread at the top of Poly Relationships Corner. You may read about some stuff you hadn't considered.


There are some successful triads out there. Hope is not lost. But if you really just want to get a third person in bed, then wave them goodbye until next time, please go to the swinger sites that are designed for that.

Evie (and the mod team)
 
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This is also not a site for sex workers to advertise their services or approach other members individually to offer their services in exchange for money, gift cards, crypto-currency, vintage Barbies*, etc. If your profile or avatar has a picture of a dick in a mouth*, you will be banned as spam.

*including but not limited to
 
Furthermore, ads explicitly seeking primarily sex or containing explicit fetish content will be deleted.

At polyamory.com we focus on multiple loving relationships, and although we discuss sex and kink in some places on this board, adverts for sex and kink are not appropriate. Take it to Fetlife.
 
If you post your "seeking" ad anywhere EXCEPT the "Dating and Friendships" section, your post will be DELETED and your account COULD be banned as spam at our discretion.

If your user name is gibberishy or some kind of coded abbreviation that LOOKS gibberishy or spammy and you did not personalize your account and/or make a post introducing yourself to the forum, your account will PROBABLY be deleted as spam.

If you have done none of the above, your account could still be deleted as spam because between all the ACTUAL spam we get AND the volume of sex-seeking and sex-offering posts that have been coming in, sometimes accounts get deleted in error.

That is all I have to say for now.
 
Sex worker profiles will also be deleted and banned. (Do we really need to SAY this?)

If you are an individual whose occupation is offering sex-related services in exchange for compensation, this forum is not here to provide you with free advertising, whether through your user profile, public posts, or by privately messaging other members.

(Idk, should we make a separate thread for this? I'm really just venting because I don't expect the people this post is aimed at to read it and be like "Oh, sorry, I won't post my bullshit on this site after all.")
 
Evie said:
Hi and welcome to polyamory.com

We have a Friendships and Dating section if you are wanting to post looking for someone to join you as a couple.

It's becoming such a regular thing that there are a few things you should be aware of:

We're a comparatively small, international website that's designed to be a discussion forum, not a dating site, so finding people local to you is unlikely. You're better off checking out your local Facebook poly groups, Meetup or Fetlife for their events. Get out there and meet people in person.​
​
By posting ads, here or anywhere on the web, you're opening yourselves up to scammers, sex workers and catfishers. New couples post here every day and scammers etc. know it. If a message in your inbox seems to good to be true, it most likely is. You're welcome to report scammer/sex worker profiles to us as we do not allow these here, but if you post your personal email or phone number, you're opening yourselves up to being scammed and/or spammed in ways we cannot control.​
​
Most couples post looking for single women. Some look for single men. This emphasis on finding a single person comes across as predatory on your part. You've probably talked a lot with each other about sharing someone together, having some hot sex, and perhaps even all falling in love a la some of the TV shows portraying polyamory. Looking for someone together with a lot of expectations around how that person will slot into your lives, or perhaps just your bed, tends to dehumanise the person you are seeking. The more successful triads tend to start with the new/third person taking an interest in one of you, which over time may become a triad if that person starts to become fond of the other one of you. Expecting that they have equal attraction to both of you, and feelings keeping apace between you all, is generally a recipe for failure. There's a bunch of other relationship pitfalls with 'unicorn hunting' but that's not what this post is for.​
​
So with these things in mind, feel free to post in Friendships and Dating, but manage your expectations and spend a little time learning about polyamory over in the sticky thread at the top of Poly Relationships Corner. You may read about some stuff you hadn't considered.


There are some successful triads out there. Hope is not lost. But if you really just want to get a third person in bed, then wave them goodbye until next time, please go to the swinger sites that are designed for that.

Evie (and the mod team)
Click to expand...
This post is so appreciated! I am here for advice and community and we are at VERY beginning of our seeking. We have so much to learn!!
 
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