Advice on where to start when looking to date

Crazy

New member
Hey all, I hope you are doing well.
I’m new here and this is my first post. I’m on this site because I think it’s time I put myself out into the dating world but I’m wanting to find a poly relationship when it comes to finding people to date. I’m not looking for anything too extravagant just I would like two guy lovers and me. Explore something more later. The problem is I don’t even know where to begin. For someone who’s new is there any advice on how to look and start to find a poly relationship like the kind I’m looking for?
 

SlowPoly

Active member
Hey all, I hope you are doing well.
I’m new here and this is my first post. I’m on this site because I think it’s time I put myself out into the dating world but I’m wanting to find a poly relationship when it comes to finding people to date. I’m not looking for anything too extravagant just I would like two guy lovers and me. Explore something more later. The problem is I don’t even know where to begin. For someone who’s new is there any advice on how to look and start to find a poly relationship like the kind I’m looking for?
Hi, Crazy, and welcome.

Are you hoping to form a triad (where the two men are involved at some level with each other, or just want to date two men separately? Or are you just looking for some threesome fun, perhaps with a stable pair of sex partners.

Your wording sounds like you want a tidy little triangle, where the two guys are close, and possibly where you all share sex. While it sounds “not extravagant” and something you would branch out from later, you should know that committed triads can be quite difficult to build and maintain. Feelings and attraction don’t often match up for all three, and time and experience together tend to change things.

Look around here for more info on poly dating, and the various geometries possible and likely. And get curious with yourself about what aspects of this goal are feeding which specific needs in you. Seek to meet those needs, instead of holding out for an elusive ideal.

Do things you love, and meet lots of people. When there’s chemistry, declare your poly preferences. Don’t worry about finding a pair … just find people you like who want to date you.

Good luck on your journey!!
 

Crazy

New member
Thank you. I guess my ignorance was showing in thinking it would be simple but nothing worth while is right? I’m confident in my needs/wants but not confident at all when it comes to dating even when it’s one person. It was recommended that I give dating a shot & because of my goals in life a poly relationship is my ideal. However because I am new you are right I should do more research. Thank you again for reaching out.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Hello Crazy,
Here are some poly-friendly dating sites:
I am in an MFM V, so I know that what you are looking for is definitely possible. Sometimes the best bet is to just get out there and start socializing. You can improve your chances of meeting poly-friendly people by going to fringe events, such as Ren Faires, BDSM events, indie concerts, that sort of thing.

Sincerely
Kevin T.
 

Crazy

New member
Hello Crazy,
Here are some poly-friendly dating sites:
I am in an MFM V, so I know that what you are looking for is definitely possible. Sometimes the best bet is to just get out there and start socializing. You can improve your chances of meeting poly-friendly people by going to fringe events, such as Ren Faires, BDSM events, indie concerts, that sort of thing.

Sincerely
Kevin T.
Thank you so much Kevin! I’m glad there is hope. I’ve started to feel like I was doomed lol
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
No problem, you're definitely not doomed. ;)
 

Marcus

Well-known member
It was recommended that I give dating a shot & because of my goals in life a poly relationship is my ideal.

I recommend approaching a polyamorous dating configuration by meeting people, getting to know people, and being honest about what it is that you think you want. Have real conversations with people, letting them know what parts of a relationship are important to you, where your red-flag "no-nos" are, and explore the natural overlap between you and these people.

Learn the basic building blocks of having healthy associations, like:

  • Understand what boundaries are and why they are important.
  • Set healthy and reasonable boundaries, and treat them with respect.
  • Learn what other peoples boundaries are and treat them with respect.
  • And above all, learn to be a grandmaster at gracefully receiving bad news. If we want people to trust us, we have to demonstrate that we are adults and can handle them being honest with us, even when that honesty isn't the news we were hoping for.

The configuration that comes out may not be what you had initially intended, because people aren't puzzle pieces, but if you build associations organically and let them be what they are, they will have a much higher chance of flourishing. In my opinion, configuration is a distracting fantasy that will only get in the way of connecting, so I hope you will step away from that as a priority.
 
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