All of half-decent single women I meet would never want poly

yul

New member
Hello, In could write a long story about my life but in essence, I am in a LTR with my GF and we are both open to some degree. I have been in the kink, alternative and mainstream scenes.

Regardless of how the subject is being approached (without any advances), I am yet to find a decent woman willing to consider being in a poly relationship in any way shape or form.

The very few people I see in the various scenes are mostly either friends with occasional benefits (swingers/threesomes) and/or very broken people.

There is also usually one in the couple which is not fully accepting of the situation or making biiiig concessions.

I have approached the subject with people from the mainstream also and for the most part, it's a totally unacceptable idea for most single women.

Even women that have been single for a long time and even horny to some extent would not want to go through the trouble of doing a couple.

You could say my GF and I are simply not attractive people. It could be possible but I can say we have rather above average looks from what we are told.

The idea is that I feel women want to fall in deeply love and be swept away and have their prince charming all for themselves and then build a family and then their little castle. Which is fine.

While sex is important, it is not a end in itself but an outcome of their dreams and beliefs.

I do see more people in adultery, even women. In a hope to obtain their own prince charming.

That being said, I have almost given up in trying to complement with life with another stable partner. It looks like an impossible task. Threesomes are very risky in terms of STD's.

Perhaps some would say to stop looking. I have friends that have been single all their lives, they have stopped looking a long time ago..rather giving up might be a better term.
 

nycindie

Active member
Even women that have been single for a long time and even horny to some extent would not want to go through the trouble of doing a couple.

Why in the hell are you only looking for someone to be involved with both of you? Not every poly woman is bisexual -- lots and lots of us are totally straight -- and polyamory is NOT automatically about threesomes. Can't you each just find your own damn girlfriends?
 
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yul

New member
Thanks for answering!

I would say regardless of the configuration..couple or solo..it seems women do not want to share in general.

Perhaps my title should have been ...WOMEN DO NOT WANT TO SHARE!!!

They want full undivided attention from the SO!

If they do allow for some part time commitment, it is because they are competing..

Those are my findings!!
 

Inyourendo

New member
I don't mind sharing, my husband has many lovers. I will not date a couple though., has nothing to do with not liking to share. It has to do with the fact that most couples are a team and when one of them gets jealous guess who gets the boot? Also it doesn't feel nice being the new person entering an established relationship.
 

Dagferi

Active member
I share my husband Butch with his gf. I don't care ..

I have another husband.

I would never date a couple either. A) because couples are too much drama. And B) I am straight.
 

nycindie

Active member
...WOMEN DO NOT WANT TO SHARE!!!

They want full undivided attention from the SO!

If they do allow for some part time commitment, it is because they are competing.
Those are very sexist, irrational conclusions - and rather ignorant of the facts. There are generally more poly women than poly men in the poly community, and women have always been at the forefront of the poly movement. But just because a woman is poly does not mean she is bisexual. And just because a woman is poly and bisexual does not mean she wants to date a couple. The fact that none of the women you have pursued want to date you AND your gf, does not unilaterally mean women in general do not want to share, nor that they automatically compete with each other.

You are either pursuing the wrong women, or demanding too much. Stop dating as a team. Start pursuing partnered woman as well as single ones. If you and your gf would simply pursue women individually and not expect them to have threesomes with both of you, you will see a dramatic difference in responses! If you really want relationships, build friendships and get to know women first, don't just try to pick them up for threesomes.
 

Vinccenzo

New member
Even when I only operated monogamous, sexist attitudes were a put off. That kind of attitude comes through in ways beyond just making anonymous statements online.

Poly, being more unconventional compared to mostly monogamous society, I'm willing to bet there is even more reason to avoid people with sexist attitudes.

In other words, I don't think your problem is women.
 

RichardInTN

Member
Those are very sexist, irrational conclusions - and rather ignorant of the facts. There are generally more poly women than poly men in the poly community, and women have always been at the forefront of the poly movement. But just because a woman is poly does not mean she is bisexual. And just because a woman is poly and bisexual does not mean she wants to date a couple. The fact that none of the women you have pursued want to date you AND your gf, does not unilaterally mean women in general do not want to share, nor that they automatically compete with each other.

You are either pursuing the wrong women, or demanding too much. Stop dating as a team. Start pursuing partnered woman as well as single ones. If you and your gf would simply pursue women individually and not expect them to have threesomes with both of you, you will see a dramatic difference in responses! If you really want relationships, build friendships and get to know women first, don't just try to pick them up for threesomes.
This is very good advice. Especially the second paragraph.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
I think it's almost always hard to try to find romance, let alone polyamorously, let alone as a couple looking to date a single woman. I'm not saying it can't be done, but you're working with a really small dating pool. You'll need the patience of Job if you want to accomplish that goal.

If you and your girlfriend are both looking for a woman to share, then obviously your girlfriend is willing to share. So that is one data point that tells us that women (some women at least) do want to share. And, I think you have to take into account that we live in a world of conviction that monogamy is the only way to go. Men and women alike are going to have a statistical tendency to recoil at the thought of polyamory -- as well as to assume that any polyamorous arrangement, by competition, must eventually break down into a monogamous arrangement. People think you can't argue with jealousy. Everybody wants their prince -- or princess.
 

Nooshin

New member
1440

How do you define a half-decent woman? Are you talking about characteristics, personality, upbringing, poly morals, or are you referring to her genes?
 

A2Poly

New member

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Cause building a castle would involve a lot of plumbing. ;)
 

DebbieandRay

New member
I am married to my husband, and I have a LDR BF, Roy, who is married. His wife knows about our romantic relationship, and she has been okay with it for some time.

I also have one lover that I see every Wednesday night, and have for about three years now. He is married, and I have met his wife and we have been friends for some time as well. She works Wednesday nights and me and her husband get together to play. We are FWBs, and everyone has been okay with that for three years now.

Hell, my husband is still intimate with his ex-wife at times. And I think that I am very sharing to allow that.

In the poly community there are far too many couples looking for their unicorn, the single bi-sexual woman they can both have. Well, that unicorn is sought out by many, and rarely found.

Most women in the poly community, as far as from my experience, are straight. I know I am. And contrary to common thought, the majority of poly relationships I have seen have been women with multiple men, rather than the other way around.

I agree with others that you two should find your own girlfriends. In our case I have several lovers and my husband has had one GF since we have been married. I have had two couples experiences and they were not really that fun. When I was with the couples I got with, one time I was the focus of the man's attention and his wife was left out most of the time. The other time I felt like I was being used to please the man's wife with him, and I got little in return. So, no more of that for me.

So, you can continue to look for your unicorn, or you can find a girlfriend for you and your girlfriend can find a lover for her. Other wise you have a long quest in front of you.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
That's why a plumber is better than a prince. :cool:
 

maxnsue

Inactive
If you spend a lot of time on Poly websites you will get a distorted view of what most men and women are like. The great majority of woman want a man who is satisfied with just them. That is what my wife wanted. She discovered that she was bi during our marriage and even then would not consider dating without me involved. She solved the problem nicely by bringing her best friend into our marriage, a woman that I knew even longer than my wife and had a long friendship with. We both loved her and she loved us, for 38 years without one single problem, even after she got married. That is a poly relationship in my book. Everything else was called unflattering things back in my time. :) A rose by any other name and all that.
 

Nooshin

New member
I feel the rule of thumb with unicorns is this: you won't find it if you keep looking for it.

I second the plumber thing....! Except Boo-cake is a carpenter, ha ha.
 
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