Am I getting better or worse?


New member she wants me to come, told her I'm going out, if they choose to find me, fine, but I'll be damned if I'm coming to them.

Our apartment is a perk of her job, so even if I wanted to, which I don't I couldn't throw her out.

Question for the Poly's out there - women are a royal pain in the ass, why would you EVER want more than one?!?!?


New member
It's a matter of finding the ones who aren't crazy. :eek:


New member
Wow. This situation sounds like just a mess from my seat on the outside. I am so sorry that you are going through it. And sorry that your wife picked a dickhead to become involved with.

Maybe I missed it somewhere in this thread but have you told her that you love her so much that the idea that this man would be anything less than giving of 100% kindness and honestly makes you crazy.

I am not sure what your vows were but I have a hunch from what I've read of you here that somewhere in their was the idea that you would have her back through it all. And sometimes having their back means telling them that they deserve better than they are getting.

You are truly a better woman than I. My GF's daughter has been being mean to her in the way that 16 yr olds can be to their mums and it has been all I can do to not want to choke the kid. But I am just THAT loyal.

Good luck. Glad you have this place to help sort things out.


New member
@LoveWarrior - thank you for pointing out what should have been obvious, I did tell her today, maybe too late.

Last Night, I went out, got drunk, picked up a stranger, while she was out with BF, sent her text for permission know...she approved, and I simply couldn't bring myself to actually do a damn thing.

I don't know if that was the catalyst or what was, but I broke.

This morning when she got up, she wished me a happy anniversary (I slept in other room), I said something to the effect of "no, it's not, we're done". It all very hazey to me now. I'm staying in the apartment, we're not telling anyone, but I told her as far as Im concerned the romantic side of our marriage is over. We've been talking for 5 or 6 hours online now, we're both crushed. God, I hate seeing her hurt, and to be the one hurting her, it's like an endless cycle of pure misery. She's offered to end it with him, begged me not to do this.....

I told her she needs to end it with this jerk (@LW this is where I tapped into your advice) when shes ready, I did tell her what a piece of shit I think he is.

God, why couldnt she have been a swinger, we both coulda had fun, and I coulda delt.

I just don't know where to go from here, how do I win this? I want my wife back.


New member
God, I hate seeing her hurt, and to be the one hurting her, .

Don't take the responsibilty for that one. Your response to her actions hurt her. Without those actions you wouldn't be responding this way..see what I mean?

Regardless, I am sorry that both of you are going through this....this looks like a tragic mix of NRE and manipulation.

Take care and be strong


New member
Thank you all, this just sucks. I do hope when they end, and before she finds someone else, that I can get her to come here and gain some mentors so shes not so friggen alone.



New member
Dazed...I feel for you. I really do. If you look in my thread, you'll see than I have my own issues also. It really sucks when we hurt those we love. Over the last week or so, I have hurt my best friend....and my (now ex) gf. I can't seem to get anything "right" ever. But...I have figured out a few things.

1) Polyamory = many loves.....very difficult to manage.
2) With "many loves", comes "many heartbreaks".

I learned a long time ago, that a bi-sexual person does not just have twice as many chances to get lucky...They also get denied twice as much....if not more.;)

Poly is similar.


New member
So, were both in alot of pain. Went out to dinner and 2 parties last night, did ok faking happy.

Just got message from my best friend that he texted her to come out last night, they are not friends. WTF!?


New member
No, he knows my friend knows and hates him, hes just being a dick to my girl, he sent this while we were all out. Hes just trying to piss my girl off.


WTF? What is wrong with this guy? How old is he, 3? I know better behaved 3 year olds.


New member
Seriously though, he's probably trying to get rid of you both by sabotaging the whole thing in the only way he knows how. All this because he doesn't know how to communicate his needs and in fact would not of gotten where he is now if he had communicated with his wife ages ago. Some people just don't know how and either can't be bothered or don't think its important to figure out how. They just do whatever they want and cause a wake of misery. Ya, nice. Drives me crazy. I'd love to get inside his head to see how this all makes him feel. Poor bastard.


New member
This guy is never going to be accountable for his actions,he needs his butt kicked to the moon and back! Some people,no matter what their age,never grow up-this guy is one of them. I'm sorry you have been hurt in this but you HAVE to look after yourself in this,please don't keep 'going back in the fire'. I truly hope you find a way through this (((HUGS)))


New member
Ya, everything just kind of really sucks worse now. We spent the weekend together, just the two of us, excluding Thursday. Seems like he's trying to push her into the booty call category now. After our blowup Thursday, she gets how very close she is to being without me, or so she says. Im just heartbroke.

Oh and Im trying to quit smoking.

Kinda hating life.