Am I really poly? Am I just horny? Is it something else entirely?

Mynotoar

New member
I came here because I've been struggling to find answers about my own relationship identity. I've never really been happy in a monogamous relationship, and most often in relationships I've felt like I've wanted to be physically intimate with someone else. So when I found out about poly, it sounded like me. But there's one thing I haven't been able to square: I'm rarely if ever interested in multiple romantic relationships. When I'm with someone, I want to be able to have sex (and other forms of intimacy) with other people, but I'm happy with just the one romantic relationship, usually. I feel like I often just want multiple FWBs in addition to a romantic partner.

Can anyone help shed any light on this? I have further questions, but I'll leave this one for now and see what response I get.
 
Have you actually done this, had one important romantic relationship and multiple FWBs? I ask because sometimes a FWB thing can deepen and become romantic. If you haven't actually practiced this form of having multiple relationships, there isn't a way of knowing if you're polyamorous, or monoamorous and polysexual.
 
If you want to share love with just one at a time, you sound monoamorous. If you want to share sex with more than one at a time, not necessarily group sex, but have more than one lover at a time, you sound polysexual. So maybe you are monoamorous and polysexual.

Galagirl
 
Other than what is already mentioned, how do you feel about a romantic lover having sex with others? What if they develop feelings for one of those lovers?
 
Answer the above questions, please. Let's go from there.

On first impression, yeah... just horny!

Just be responsible and respectful with how you go about it! If you ever really want to be poly and it evades you (if you had to ask this time, good job asking, btw), ask the people that know here, the senior members. Ask who the senior members are. That's what I would do! And I've always been poly in practice, period. Never perfect... just human here!

Welcome to the forum.
 
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I think it can be a spectrum. Maybe you are polyamorous, or maybe you're just polysexual. You may or may not develop romantic feelings for someone you're sleeping with. Only time will tell.
 
Have you actually done this, had one important romantic relationship and multiple FWBs? I ask because sometimes a FWB thing can deepen and become romantic. If you haven't actually practiced this form of having multiple relationships, there isn't a way of knowing if you're polyamorous, or monoamorous and polysexual.

I haven't done it... successfully. I tried to make a relationship work as an OR with someone who definitely wasn't suited for it. It just led to unhappiness. So I don't know what it's like yet.

Other than what is already mentioned, how do you feel about a romantic lover having sex with others? What if they develop feelings for one of those lovers?

I'm definitely okay with partners having other relationships and sexual relations. It's okay if they develop feelings, so long as we still have a relationship.
 
I'm definitely okay with partners having other relationships and sexual relations. It's okay if they develop feelings, so long as we still have a relationship.

Well then you are headed in the right direction. To me that is the biggest indicator as to whether or not someone can handle poly. You don't have to be out searching for love. Love can just happen. But you do have to be able to handle your partner falling for someone else.
 
Hi Mynotoar,

Usually it's considered polyamory when there's multiple romantic relationships. If that's not what you have in mind, then maybe you are nonmonogamous but not actually polyamorous. Which is okay, it's not a judgment on you in any way. Of course, there is some dispute as to whether multiple FWBs would count as polyamory. There's some emotional involvement there. All this is just terminology though; who you are is deeper than that.

Just some thoughts,
Kevin T.
 
If you want to share love with just one at a time, you sound monoamorous. If you want to share sex with more than one at a time, not necessarily group sex, but have more than one lover at a time, you sound polysexual. So maybe you are monoamorous and polysexual.
What if I want, truly, for my wife to be polysexual or monoamorous? I love her deeply, but don't feel I can fulfill her sexual needs. I'm not saying I'm inadequate in that space. lol. She is just insatiable. But she is also so loving and caring.
 
What if I want, truly, for my wife to be polysexual or monoamorous? I love her deeply, but don't feel I can fulfill her sexual needs. I'm not saying I'm inadequate in that space. lol. She is just insatiable. But she is also so loving and caring.
1) You're normal
2) You want a partner with a compatible relationship style
3) You're provably falling into the mind trap of expecting other people to experience life just as you do. We all do that all the time. Just make sure you know and respect what your wife actually wants.
 
1) You're normal
2) You want a partner with a compatible relationship style
3) You're provably falling into the mind trap of expecting other people to experience life just as you do. We all do that all the time. Just make sure you know and respect what your wife actually wants.
Thank you for your response and insight! Very helpful. I definitely will make sure she and I are on the same page and it's what she truly wants. I want for her what she wants, so no need to go there if she doesn't want it. I suspect that she does, so we will see. 👀
 
Note, this thread is from 2017. It's okay to resurrect a thread. I just wanted to note this.
 
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