Arguments against

MsChristy

New member
Well no I don't. But not all parents are the same. I'm not saying anyone should hide it but for me personally in the future...... I'm not so sure or certain. In truth their disapproval would be disheartening but wouldn't stop me.

Exactly, no two parents or family backgrounds are the same. We all have to make the choice that is best for us and our family. I am grateful for those that are able to be out, and able to raise awareness of poly.
 
Well no I don't. But not all parents are the same. I'm not saying anyone should hide it but for me personally in the future...... I'm not so sure or certain. In truth their disapproval would be disheartening but wouldn't stop me.

Quite surprisingly to me, since my mother was incredibly judgmental and conservative minded when I was living at home 20 years ago, my mother was the most supportive person in both of our families when we came out to them a couple of years ago. My siblings mostly reacted in a range of "you're weird and I wouldn't do it but we love you and support you" to "we never want to talk to again about this, we're going to ignore that anything weird is going on (which was quite the feat, since my boyfriend at the time went to Thanksgiving dinner with us at my sister's house)." One of my brothers threw a fit because I had brought my boyfriend to his father-in-law's funeral family luncheon because he was at my house at the time fixing things. We totally acted like platonic friends and my brother and his wife were fine with it, until they found out the real relationship and then it became this huge thing of disrespect and they never wanted to be in the same room as my ex again. My husband's parents were disappointed, one of his brothers never did tell us his reaction, the other one thinks it's weird to try to do for a long period of time.

My mom, though, wanted to know if I was really okay with it, what she could do to help me, and offered to be a listening ear if I needed it. She doesn't think it's something she could do, but she accepts it's something that we feel we need to do and wants to support us in anyway possible. It's amazing to see that she's grown less judgmental and conservative as she's aged, which is usually not the case.
 

poly6

New member
I guess I just don't want to explain why I want to do it. I don't really know how to explain it to them. Hell they have a hard enough time thinking about other possibilities for me. For example it's outright assumed I want kids or even if I don't I will have them anyway, which may or may not be true yet, but around them it sounds like I don't have a choice. If I don't I have no idea how they would take it. Its expected.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
As you continue to get older and gain more independence, I hope it'll come to seem unnecessary to have to explain yourself to your parents, or want what they think you should want. Eventually, you should be able to feel like you can say, "Mom, Dad, this is what kind of person I am and this is what I want, and I have my own reasons and I hope you'll just accept that about me."
 

poly6

New member
HA HA HA AHA HA HA! Excuse for me for sounding a bit rude here and I apologize in advanced but that doesn't even work now! It will never work in the future even as an adult.
 

MusicalRose

Member
HA HA HA AHA HA HA! Excuse for me for sounding a bit rude here and I apologize in advanced but that doesn't even work now! It will never work in the future even as an adult.

What do you mean by work? It works if you are in a place where you don't need their acceptance, because then it doesn't matter what their reaction is. If you are attempting to change their view, then it may or may not "work."
 

Emmy37

New member
My parents know about our lifestyle choice but everyone who knows me in real life is also aware of the fact that I don't give a hoot what they think of me or my life. They can accept & love me for who I am or find their way out of my life. That goes for family & friends.
 

nycindie

Active member
I guess I just don't want to explain why I want to do it. I don't really know how to explain it to them. Hell they have a hard enough time thinking about other possibilities for me. For example it's outright assumed I want kids or even if I don't I will have them anyway, which may or may not be true yet, but around them it sounds like I don't have a choice. If I don't I have no idea how they would take it. Its expected.

It doesn't actually matter, what they think, does it? Your career, having kids, being married or not, poly or mono - these are all choices we make as adults. You will be extremely miserable whether you base your life choices on what they would approve of, or tiptoe around them trying to hide your life choices. Be your own person and live your life for you.
 

Reverie

Active member
I'm "out" to my mom and, while she doesn't approve (she's a born-again Christian), she tolerates it to the point where last weekend, when I was visiting my hometown with my partner, she agreed to and enjoyed brunch with us. When she parted ways with us, she said, "Be good to each other!"

I think it helps that a) I also came out as bi to her some years back, so she's used to me throwing her for a loop, b) I moved out at 17 and have never lived in Hometown again, so I have a history of independence and c) she's one of those mothers who loves her kids more than anything, and I'm not sure there's anything I could ever do to make her completely cut off contact.

The only people I'm not out to (yet, anyway) when the matter has come up are my elderly bosses, and that's mostly only because it's none of their business. I may yet come out to them eventually, if it makes sense to do. They tend to treat me like a daughter (it's a small family business), so it very well might come up eventually.

As for the arguments I, personally, have heard against it, it's mostly just been people expressing concern that I might be a love addict or being incredulous that it would ever work because they "could never share," themselves. Though I did also have one particularly creative friend hypothesize that my boyfriend and I "are only doing this because we're afraid of cheating." People who know me know better than to advance any sort of god argument in my presence. :D
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Oh, and there's the argument, "Humans are naturally monogamous."

My rebuttal: Modern-day humans are subject to mono-centric conditioning which skews the data set. Think of all the cheating, divorce, and remarriage that goes on in monogamous relationships. The book "Sex at Dawn" has done a good job of advancing the opposite argument: that humans are naturally non-monogamous.
 

KerryRen

New member
Oh, and there's the argument, "Humans are naturally monogamous.".

Oh, that's a good one. If humans were naturally monogamous, there'd be no institutional polygamy, no cheating, probably no serial monogamy.... We'd pair-bond and be done with it, except maybe in the event of death. And obviously we don't.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Heck from what I hear, of those animal species that actually are naturally monogamous, when one mate dies, the other mate has no interest in finding any other mates and just remains celibate until its own death. Some humans do that, but not all that many!
 

RichardInTN

Member
Whenever someone wants to give me the "That's not Christian!", If I don't feel like getting into the "that's o.k. I'm not a Christian..." argument, I will usually suggest that they actually READ their Bible and not just use it for a conversation piece...

Genesis 4:19
And Lamech took unto him two wives.

Genesis 16:1-4
Now Sarai Abram's wife bare him no children: and she had an handmaid, an Egyptian, whose name was Hagar. And Sarai said unto Abram, Behold now, the LORD hath restrained me from bearing: I pray thee, go in unto my maid; it may be that I may obtain children by her. And Abram hearkened to the voice of Sarai. And Sarai ... gave her to her husband Abram to be his wife. And he went in unto Hagar, and she conceived.

Genesis 25:6
But unto the sons of the concubines, which Abraham had....

Genesis 26:34
Esau ... took to wife Judith the daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and Bashemath the daughter of Elon the Hittite.

Genesis 31:17
Then Jacob rose up, and set ... his wives upon camels.

Exodus 21:10
If he take him another wife....

Deuteronomy 21:15
If a man have two wives, one beloved, and another hated....

Judges 8:30
And Gideon had threescore and ten sons of his body begotten: for he had many wives.

1 Samuel 1:1-2
Elkanah ... had two wives; the name of the one was Hannah, and the name of the other Peninnah.

2 Samuel 12:7-8
Thus saith the LORD God of Israel ... I gave thee ... thy master's wives....

1 Kings 11:2-3
Solomon ... had seven hundred wives ... and three hundred concubines.

1 Chronicles 4:5
And Ashur the father of Tekoa had two wives, Helah and Naarah.

2 Chronicles 11:21
Rehoboam ... took eighteen wives, and threescore concubines.

2 Chronicles 13:21
But Abijah waxed mighty, and married fourteen wives....

2 Chronicles 24:3
Jehoiada took for him two wives....

Mt.25:1
Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to meet the bridegroom.
Multiple wives and concubines... Oh my!
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Not a problem on paper and indeed, many polyamorists are (and remain) legally single. Of those that are married, there are various reasons. Legal/financial benefits, appeasing extended family (and not coming out about being poly), or perhaps the most common reason, the reason Brother-Husband and Snowbunny are married in my V: because they were already married before they knew about any such thing as polyamory. Their original plan was always to be and stay monogamous. If you're already married and then you decide to enter into a polyamorous arrangement, the only way to "fix" that is to get a divorce. Not a decision that would sit well with every married couple, even a poly one.

How about we legalize poly marriage? I think civilization would survive the implementation of that solution, though obviously many people think it'd be the end of the world.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Those would be the ones. :rolleyes:
 

RichardInTN

Member
How about we legalize poly marriage? I think civilization would survive the implementation of that solution, though obviously many people think it'd be the end of the world.
I am 100% in favor of that... especially considering there are actually MORE religious grounds for poly marriage (see my previous post) than there are for gay marriage (which I also support!).

I think people ought to be able to marry and intertwine (legally) their lives with whomever they wish to... opposite sex, same sex, multiple people... whomever.

All those that say "well what happens if someone wants to leave the Poly marriage?"... there's a simple answer to that: Write it into the marriage law- if it's one person leaving, "communal assets" stay with the remaining family. If it's a total dissolution of the entire marriage equitable division of assets... And require pre-nups for anything that the group wishes to be exempted from that.
 

KerryRen

New member
I think life would be simpler if marriage worked more like an add/drop form for college classes. Make provisions for the kids, certainly, no matter what, but after a certain point of intelligence and maturity, they should be able to choose who they live with in the event of a family breakup (and it may or may not be a bio-parent).

Divorce, even with property and kids, shouldn't need to be a long harrowing process.
 
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