Surprised not to see more threads on this topic! I am a newly married person, and wonder how other married monogamous people out there go about exploring attraction with a crush/ asking your crush out? In the past, when trying to determine if someone likes me, I try to reflect on whether there is an equal effort to initiate hang outs, etc. However, now that I am married I'm thinking, maybe other people might hang back on the initiating part, or perhaps assuming that because I live with my wife, I am never free? How on Earth do you get across that you are happily married and still available for dates, but in a way that doesn't totally blow your cover? ("cover" as in, not necessarily wanting to reveal my feelings yet, I'm like 80% sure she knows I'm poly).
Asking people out as a married person...
- Thread starter mesamil
- Start date
Hi mesamil,
Well I would start by being 100% sure your crush knows you're poly. Just come right out and say it. Find an opening in a conversation, then say something like, "Well I am nonmonogamous and polyamorous, I hope that's okay. If you have any questions let me know." You don't have to tell her (yet) that you have feelings for her, just tell her you are poly. Then, sometime later, look for another opening in a conversation and then say, "Actually I was wondering if you might want to go out with me. My spouse would be okay with it." Something to that effect. I guess keeping it simple is the main way to do. I hope luck favors you in getting a positive response from your crush.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
Well I would start by being 100% sure your crush knows you're poly. Just come right out and say it. Find an opening in a conversation, then say something like, "Well I am nonmonogamous and polyamorous, I hope that's okay. If you have any questions let me know." You don't have to tell her (yet) that you have feelings for her, just tell her you are poly. Then, sometime later, look for another opening in a conversation and then say, "Actually I was wondering if you might want to go out with me. My spouse would be okay with it." Something to that effect. I guess keeping it simple is the main way to do. I hope luck favors you in getting a positive response from your crush.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
"Hi Potential. I think you are really neat and I'd love to get to know you better and if you are up for it ask you out on a date sometime.
You need to know up front that I am in an open marriage and practice polyamory. My spouse knows, and consents. There's nothing hinky here. I also know this is not everyone's preference for relationship model, so if you need time to think it over, have questions, or prefer to just pass because this isn't your cup of tea, I promise I am ok with it.
No pressure. I just wanted to pay you the compliment and hope you take it as such."
There. It is polite. You made them aware. If they are one of those "freeze, deer in the headlights" people? You gave them the "easy outs" to think about it, ask questions, or just plain "No, thanks, not my cup of tea."
However they answer? Accept it with grace and respect it.
Keep your life simple.
You need to know up front that I am in an open marriage and practice polyamory. My spouse knows, and consents. There's nothing hinky here. I also know this is not everyone's preference for relationship model, so if you need time to think it over, have questions, or prefer to just pass because this isn't your cup of tea, I promise I am ok with it.
No pressure. I just wanted to pay you the compliment and hope you take it as such."
There. It is polite. You made them aware. If they are one of those "freeze, deer in the headlights" people? You gave them the "easy outs" to think about it, ask questions, or just plain "No, thanks, not my cup of tea."
However they answer? Accept it with grace and respect it.
Keep your life simple.