BDsm

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
Somebody wants clicks and is reviving old threads. Not the forum etiquette I prefer ...

This has been discussed and actually is OKed by mods and admins. Especially on this master thread about BDSM. We asked for a BDSM forum and were denied so this thread is a catch-all place for BDSM talk.
 

SlowPoly

Member
Oh, I totally get that sometimes an old thread is a good place to start. But this
I'm just curious and search it and just landed to this site...
is bullshit, as same user has linked to same site in two earlier posts.

This is the second time he/she has revived an ancient thread to plug the site. But maybe I'm seeing a trend that isn't there. I'll hush now.
 

ClockworkDragon

New member
Oh, I totally get that sometimes an old thread is a good place to start. But this

is bullshit, as same user has linked to same site in two earlier posts.

This is the second time he/she has revived an ancient thread to plug the site. But maybe I'm seeing a trend that isn't there. I'll hush now.

Psst... just spam. No need to get bent out of shape. It happens on ALL forums.
 

LovingRadiance

Active member
When you see those trends, please notify the mods. We do delete. It IS ok to post pertinent info to old threads. However it is not ok to spam the board with links. ;)
 

CattivaGattina

New member
So in a couple of weeks I'm going to be handing out "What is your safeword?" pamphlets at the 50 Shades of Grey opening.

I'm really hoping that those who see the movie (cause I hate to admit more people watch movies than read books) and get intrigued by the idea of BDSM decide to seek out munches instead of trusting the bullshit abuse that book series portrays as BDSM.
 

Len51

New member
My wife and I shared the same girlfriend fro almost 40 years. Her gf was my Mistress but only in the bedroom. She was more into the S&M part of BDSM. She would get very sexually stimulated by causing me pain. She has a natural dominant personality. Does not cook or clean. My wife made her bed, did her laundry and cooked for her. Although my wife got into the milder aspects of BDSM, my limits were much higher than hers but less than her girlfriend's.

I have not had intercourse in about 12 years because my Mistress did not allow it. Oral stopped and then did masturbation until I found myself locked in a chastity cock cage. We retired and moved away from our gf but my wife still keeps me locked up in chastity and limits my orgasms to one or two a year. She also practices domestic discipline and makes all the rules of our marriage. She wants me to find her another female to play with as she misses her girlfriend. I went from very alpha male to now wearing panties and bra under my male clothes. I obey any request she makes but we are not into any formal D/s stuff like calling her Mistress or exercising her power just because she can. We look and act like any married couple except that I do whatever my wife asks. However, she does not ask much and in public does nothing to make me look submissive.

Although we got rid of our extensive BDSM gear when we moved, I still have a nice whip collection and three drawers full of toys. Keeps things interesting and my butt bruised and striped. :)
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
I would have never suspected! :D
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
My wife and I shared the same girlfriend fro almost 40 years. Her gf was my Mistress but only in the bedroom. She was more into the S&M part of BDSM. She would get very sexually stimulated by causing me pain. She has a natural dominant personality. Does not cook or clean. My wife made her bed, did her laundry and cooked for her. Although my wife got into the milder aspects of BDSM, my limits were much higher than hers but less than her girlfriend's.

I have not had intercourse in about 12 years because my Mistress did not allow it. Oral stopped and then did masturbation until I found myself locked in a chastity cock cage. We retired and moved away from our gf but my wife still keeps me locked up in chastity and limits my orgasms to one or two a year. She also practices domestic discipline and makes all the rules of our marriage. She wants me to find her another female to play with as she misses her girlfriend. I went from very alpha male to now wearing panties and bra under my male clothes. I obey any request she makes but we are not into any formal D/s stuff like calling her Mistress or exercising her power just because she can. We look and act like any married couple except that I do whatever my wife asks. However, she does not ask much and in public does nothing to make me look submissive.

Although we got rid of our extensive BDSM gear when we moved, I still have a nice whip collection and three drawers full of toys. Keeps things interesting and my butt bruised and striped. :)

We had another poster here for a while who wrong long messages that were basically erotic fiction, but with some similarities to what you just wrote. He then admitted the cock cage chastity was a fantasy. If you are really wearing one and have for... a decade? how does that work? Is there chafing? Don't you feel it's unhealthy to never stimulate the reproductive organs, and orgasm, either by masturbation or partnered sex? I mean, I've read men should orgasm at least a couple times a week for prostate health alone.

I can understand men getting off on cross dressing, and liking to take orders and be submissive, but I honestly wonder how healthy it is to be completely chaste and to wear a device on your sensitive area around the clock.
 

vanquish

New member
So in a couple of weeks I'm going to be handing out "What is your safeword?" pamphlets at the 50 Shades of Grey opening.

I'm really hoping that those who see the movie (cause I hate to admit more people watch movies than read books) and get intrigued by the idea of BDSM decide to seek out munches instead of trusting the bullshit abuse that book series portrays as BDSM.

Agree wholeheartedly. She says her safeword and he KEEPS GOING for god's sake. Terrible example of the lifestyle.
 

River

Active member
I'd like to find someone to fit me that way. Someone to pull my strings and make me move how they want me to move which is also how I need to move (for me).

picture.php
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
Aphrodite found her Dominus/Domina. His/her name is Yahweh, by way of Jesus.

This is an old thread of hers, and she was being coy, but now it is obvious.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Apparently my Dom is Satan. :)
 
Moving an existing relationship into D/s

I have been dating someone, let's call him Sam, on and off since October 2009. For about two and a half years, when I had a really intense relationship with someone else, Sam and I didn't see each other at all. In late Spring 2014, my husband and Sam ran into each other at a dance club which led to Sam and I starting to date again, getting together once every couple of weeks to once every couple of months, though we talked more often than that by text. Last July I had a traumatic experience which lead to having generalized anxiety for the first time in my life and triggered the depression I've suffered on and off throughout my life to become active again. It's been a fairly hellish year and even though Sam and I don't get together really regularly in person, he's been an important support person for me, often helping me to pull myself out of suicidal thoughts with our text chats. I've known since fairly early on in our relationship that we're both switches and we'd occasionally have moments that went over into D/s territory during sex (the first of these lead to me purchasing and reading "Screw the roses, send me the thorns.") However, nothing much besides those moments came of it and we only had sex occasionally when we got together anyway, so I hadn't thought much more about it. In January we had gotten together and there was definitely more of a dominant feel to how he treated me when we had sex that night. I enjoyed it but that was the last time we had sex until this past Thursday.

Thursday, we got together to drink and watch movies. It's been a rather stressful week for me, due to some things happening at work, and so I drank more than I usually do. We also talked a lot, pausing the movie to discuss all types of things. One of them was the fact he thought I'd enjoy having him as my Dominant and how he thinks he'd like to do that for me. He's my master, I have a task to do before we get together again, and the whole night was absolutely amazing. However, other than the dabbling we've done previously, I'm essentially brand new to this (which is kind of ironic, in a way, since the relationship I had that led to mine and Sam's break was with someone who was heavily into the local bdsm community and is very naturally dominant. But other than some pain play, our relationship never got into bdsm territory).

So, my question is, does anyone have any advice on what pitfalls I should be aware of as we transition our relationship to a D/s one? And any suggestions on labels other than master that we might use for him? I'm not sure I'm completely comfortable with that word, but the only other one that he suggested Thursday was Daddy, since he knows some people have issues with master and he was pretty sure I would. However, I have a lot of baggage with the word Daddy from my parents' divorce and my dad essentially abandoning us, so master works better than daddy at least.

And yes, I know a lot of this is going to be stuff we need to work through together with lots of communication, but any suggestions or helpful hints would be greatly appreciated.
 
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Evie

Kaitiaki
"Sir" is common.

Try reading "stray angel" stories on short-fiction.co.uk for some insight and to see if that's how you want your experience to be.

best wishes for your new adventures
Evie
 
"Sir" is common.

Try reading "stray angel" stories on short-fiction.co.uk for some insight and to see if that's how you want your experience to be.

best wishes for your new adventures
Evie
Thanks Evie for the suggestions. I'll look at those stories.
 

opalescent

Active member
@Hannahfluke, unless you consider yourself his slave, there are alternatives to master. Dom, sir (as mentioned before), dominant.
 
@Hannahfluke, unless you consider yourself his slave, there are alternatives to master. Dom, sir (as mentioned before), dominant.

Definitely not his slave. I'm not submissive enough to be comfortable taking it that far, number one (I know I'm more of a switch than a submissive) and, number two, I don't think he has the emotional energy to take on a slave. One of the things that came up repeatedly on Thursday is a worry on my side that he's doing this for me because he thinks I need it but that he really doesn't have the desire to do it for himself. He thinks as long as I don't expect him to be everything to me, it should be fine. I think being his slave would move it into the expecting everything from him realm. I think master just came about because it's the only word he could think of that night besides daddy.
 

KC43

New member
Hubby and I sometimes veer into D/s territory. He's my "Sir"; I'm his "pet." Those were the terms that just kind of naturally came out of our mouths the first couple of times we entered that realm, so they've stuck.

The most important thing, in my opinion, if you're entering this arrangement with Sam is to very clearly--and possibly in writing--spell out your limits. You probably know most of this, but differentiate between your hard limits, i.e. things he can NEVER ask you to do no matter what; and your soft limits, i.e. things you aren't sure you're okay with and/or would prefer not to do, but are willing to explore under the right circumstances. The reason I say writing them down is a good idea is that over time, and especially when you're in scene, it's easy to forget things. If everything's in writing, you and he won't forget.

Also, be sure to establish safe word(s). Some people just have one safe word that means "stop right now"; some have two, one meaning stop and one meaning "I'm starting to have a hard time with this, let's slow down or back up a bit." A lot of people use the traffic light theme to establish their safe words, with green meaning "all is well", yellow meaning "we need to slow down" and red meaning "stop immediately." It's important to have these be words that you wouldn't normally say during an encounter, but that are easy for both of you to remember.

If you're worried about Sam's reasons for doing this, discuss it with him. Establish why he wants to be your Dom, and why you want to be his sub. Make sure you're on the same page as to what you'll both gain from this arrangement. And keep an open, ongoing line of communication so you can tweak, renegotiate, or eliminate all or part of the arrangement.

For me personally, submitting is a benefit because I have a fairly large amount of sexual trauma in my past, with the result that I sometimes micromanage sexual encounters or try to control what my partner's doing. I also have issues around preventing myself from orgasming, not allowing myself to make any sound, and dissociating during sex, all of which are related to the aforementioned traumas. And, because of the trauma and my mother's "education" about sex, there are some sexual activities I can't initiate and, in some cases, can't bring myself to do even if my partner asks me to, because they would make me a "dirty whore"--even though I would *like* to do them.

But... when I'm submitting, I'm pretty much saying to Hubby, "Here's my control, take it, use it with care, and return it when we're finished." Transitioning into submissive mode enables me to let go of trying to control or manage any aspect of what's going on, because Hubby's going to take care of all of it. And when I'm submissive, Hubby can tell me to do some of the things I'm interested in trying but can't do under other circumstances, and I'm able to do them without fear or shame because I'm pleasing my Sir. We've thoroughly and repeatedly discussed, and written, both of our limits (he isn't able to do any pain play with me, for example, because the thought of intentionally inflicting pain other than smacking my ass turns his stomach), so when we enter D/s mode, we know what's okay and what isn't. We have a code phrase that indicates we're entering that mode, which can be used by either of us, and a safe word to indicate the end of the scene or a need to stop for a few minutes, which also can be used by either of us.

It isn't something I would recommend trying unless you have complete trust in your would-be Dom. If you feel you can count on him to stick to the agreements and limits, and to see your submission as a gift to be treated with care rather than a "I'm in charge, do what I say or else" sort of thing, it can be beneficial for some to explore.
 
The most important thing, in my opinion, if you're entering this arrangement with Sam is to very clearly--and possibly in writing--spell out your limits. You probably know most of this, but differentiate between your hard limits, i.e. things he can NEVER ask you to do no matter what; and your soft limits, i.e. things you aren't sure you're okay with and/or would prefer not to do, but are willing to explore under the right circumstances. The reason I say writing them down is a good idea is that over time, and especially when you're in scene, it's easy to forget things. If everything's in writing, you and he won't forget.

Also, be sure to establish safe word(s). Some people just have one safe word that means "stop right now"; some have two, one meaning stop and one meaning "I'm starting to have a hard time with this, let's slow down or back up a bit." A lot of people use the traffic light theme to establish their safe words, with green meaning "all is well", yellow meaning "we need to slow down" and red meaning "stop immediately." It's important to have these be words that you wouldn't normally say during an encounter, but that are easy for both of you to remember.

If you're worried about Sam's reasons for doing this, discuss it with him. Establish why he wants to be your Dom, and why you want to be his sub. Make sure you're on the same page as to what you'll both gain from this arrangement. And keep an open, ongoing line of communication so you can tweak, renegotiate, or eliminate all or part of the arrangement.

For me personally, submitting is a benefit because I have a fairly large amount of sexual trauma in my past, with the result that I sometimes micromanage sexual encounters or try to control what my partner's doing. I also have issues around preventing myself from orgasming, not allowing myself to make any sound, and dissociating during sex, all of which are related to the aforementioned traumas. And, because of the trauma and my mother's "education" about sex, there are some sexual activities I can't initiate and, in some cases, can't bring myself to do even if my partner asks me to, because they would make me a "dirty whore"--even though I would *like* to do them.

But... when I'm submitting, I'm pretty much saying to Hubby, "Here's my control, take it, use it with care, and return it when we're finished." Transitioning into submissive mode enables me to let go of trying to control or manage any aspect of what's going on, because Hubby's going to take care of all of it. And when I'm submissive, Hubby can tell me to do some of the things I'm interested in trying but can't do under other circumstances, and I'm able to do them without fear or shame because I'm pleasing my Sir. We've thoroughly and repeatedly discussed, and written, both of our limits (he isn't able to do any pain play with me, for example, because the thought of intentionally inflicting a other than smacking my ass turns his stomach), so when we enter D/s mode, we know what's okay and what isn't. We have a code phrase that indicates we're entering that mode, which can be used by either of us, and a safe word to indicate the end of the scene or a need to stop for a few minutes, which also can be used by either of us.

It isn't something I would recommend trying unless you have complete trust in your would-be Dom. If you feel you can count on him to stick to the agreements and limits, and to see your submission as a gift to be treated with care rather than a "I'm in charge, do what I say or else" sort of thing, it can be beneficial for some to explore.

Based on our discussions Thursday night, I do trust him that he is going to see my submission as a gift to be treated with care rather than a "I'm in charge, do what I say or else" sort of thing. Just based on the discussions we had (several times, as I thought of more to say to explain my reaction) around why daddy wouldn't work for me and how accepting he was of that, even though it was his first and preferred choice for a title, I trust that he'll not turn into the do what I say type Dom.

I'll need think about the rest of it and talk to him about a lot of it. I'm not sure where my hard limits lie, for instance. I've done tons of research on it the last two days, but thought it wouldn't hurt to ask here also. Your post KC43 was especially helpful, thank you.
 

Norwegianpoly

New member
Definitely not his slave. I'm not submissive enough to be comfortable taking it that far, number one (I know I'm more of a switch than a submissive) and, number two, I don't think he has the emotional energy to take on a slave. One of the things that came up repeatedly on Thursday is a worry on my side that he's doing this for me because he thinks I need it but that he really doesn't have the desire to do it for himself. He thinks as long as I don't expect him to be everything to me, it should be fine. I think being his slave would move it into the expecting everything from him realm. I think master just came about because it's the only word he could think of that night besides daddy.
My husband simply owns me, so he is my owner, and he can ask me anything. He is not responsible for me in any other way than what we do in sessions , but the sessions we take very seriously, for instance we don't play if we are tired or out of focus. We use the traffic light system, exept we swapped yellow for orange. The only reason for us to set boundries are things that could potentionally be dangerous, for instance versions of choking or to tie someone up and leave the room. Also, making the sub feel unsure/not giving enough focus to the session is really bad for the sub. But both can be responsible for not initiating/stopping a session of the right energy is not there.

I find that submission gives me a space to let the discussions in my head die down, and lets me feel desired beyond the sexual level - like a fight or dance with energies. It also gives him a place to come to terms with his fear of his agressive side. In our regular life we are kind of the opposite (I am more agressive and outspoken, he is super nice to everyone) but d/s give us the chance to be more complex people. In the beginning, there might be errors and mistakes, but after a while you will get the hang of it.
 
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