BDsm

Yeah, saying my step dad wasn't the nicest person would be an understatement. Oddly enough a couple of years after he and my mom separated and divorced, he met a woman, got involved with a church, and his personality did a 180. He's a totally different person now and while he doesn't like us to mention the hell he put us through, he genuinely wants to prove that he loves and cares for us.
 
My mom has been trying to become less bossy ... and even if she's not there yet, her kids are all pretty surprised that she's trying.
 
Yeah, saying my step dad wasn't the nicest person would be an understatement. Oddly enough a couple of years after he and my mom separated and divorced, he met a woman, got involved with a church, and his personality did a 180. He's a totally different person now and while he doesn't like us to mention the hell he put us through, he genuinely wants to prove that he loves and cares for us.

Wow. That is sort-of awesome. Better than late than never, eh?

My mom has been trying to become less bossy ... and even if she's not there yet, her kids are all pretty surprised that she's trying.

:)
 
I'm also a switch, and so is my boyfriend, and I do find that really nice... But since we're both poly, we'd have options if it wasn't the case so it really isn't a requirement for me.

But yeah, I get the attraction of being with another switch. When one of us is very clearly in a dominant or submissive mood, the other one can adapt to it, and sometimes you can go back and forth and kind of "fight for dominance" if you're both in both moods, which doesn't really happen with someone who isn't a switch.
 
I tend to find switches most attractive - I dislike being set in a role for any length of time. Being with switches tends to provide that fluidity almost automatically. I also do not care for a 24/7 situation. It works for some but not for me.
 
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Switch

What I'm finding in my realm is that most of the time my Master knows best, and I prefer to be sub.

But sometimes I know best. Master doesn't like to switch out of masterly mode with me, I don't think, but eventually does it anyway, because respect is involved and we take that very seriously. Mutual respect is paramount to D/s relationship. Otherwise you just have another abusive or codependent relationship. She is very equitable and fair and loving, and we both want the other to be the best we can be.

At least that is something I'm discovering about D/s, the necessity of respect, switching or no. I don't actually know how I'd be as Dom physically. Still one of life's great unknowns for me. :confused:
 
What I'm finding in my realm is that most of the time my Master knows best, and I prefer to be sub.

But sometimes I know best. Master doesn't like to switch out of masterly mode with me, I don't think, but eventually does it anyway, because respect is involved and we take that very seriously.

There are a few ways for that to play out, too. A good Dominant will acknowledge that they are not omniscient. Sometimes, they give an order based on the information at hand. But there's nothing wrong with the submissive providing more information so that the Dominant can make the best decision for the submissive.

There's a way to say "I can't do that because of these reasons" which is very differently received than "I won't do it! I won't! I won't! I won't!" while you're stomping your feet and pouting.
 
There are a few ways for that to play out, too. A good Dominant will acknowledge that they are not omniscient. Sometimes, they give an order based on the information at hand. But there's nothing wrong with the submissive providing more information so that the Dominant can make the best decision for the submissive.

There's a way to say "I can't do that because of these reasons" which is very differently received than "I won't do it! I won't! I won't! I won't!" while you're stomping your feet and pouting.


That's not the play I'm talking about. That's just sort-of obvious communication. :)

I'm talking about proper switching of the roles for a bit.
 
I've always been around the BDSM / D/s crowd for a while by virtue of having a...diverse circle of friends but it never really seemed like my thing. I have a difficult time with unequal treatment in almost any sense.

That said, my most recent ladyfriend asked if she could try being dominant with me (she's a sub with her bf) just for a change and I said sure, I'm usually defacto dom by virtue of being more experienced than most of my lovers (looong story) so I was curious. Found I liked that a lot more than I was expecting to...
 
I've always been around the BDSM / D/s crowd for a while by virtue of having a...diverse circle of friends but it never really seemed like my thing. I have a difficult time with unequal treatment in almost any sense.

That said, my most recent ladyfriend asked if she could try being dominant with me (she's a sub with her bf) just for a change and I said sure, I'm usually defacto dom by virtue of being more experienced than most of my lovers (looong story) so I was curious. Found I liked that a lot more than I was expecting to...


:cool: Do tell us in detail what you liked about it, please.
 
:cool: Do tell us in detail what you liked about it, please.
I dont know that I could actually articulate why, I just did XD

By most people's standards, it wasn't that "kinky." I'm used to hanging out with people who have a leather mask and restraints in the glove compartment, just in case.
 
I have never really done much of anything but I have for a while been interested in the whole D/s, I did some very minor stuff with an ex of mine and found that I very much enjoyed being dominated.
 
:)

Me and the other "arm of the V" guy watched a show yesterday about D/s (well somewhat about S/m). It was an interesting show, we are somewhat uninformed about the whole BDSM concept, but it was nice to hear some interviews and get some glimpses of what professional dominatrixes do. Huh.

I guess it amazes me sometimes how very unique different individuals are. It was also interesting to hear one of the dominatrixes talk about how draining their job can be, as how can one know exactly what way one's client wants to be dominated?

Cool, interesting stuff.
 
:)

Me and the other "arm of the V" guy watched a show yesterday about D/s (well somewhat about S/m). It was an interesting show, we are somewhat uninformed about the whole BDSM concept, but it was nice to hear some interviews and get some glimpses of what professional dominatrixes do. Huh.

I guess it amazes me sometimes how very unique different individuals are. It was also interesting to hear one of the dominatrixes talk about how draining their job can be, as how can one know exactly what way one's client wants to be dominated?

Cool, interesting stuff.


It is so interesting. Like a whole new world to discover. :)


Yes, I think it would be very energy-demanding being a Dom, at least a good one, because you are giving so much attention to learning your sub. I fully appreciate that and am amazed by it>that anyone would want to know me that well. :eek:


I could see a place for it professionally. But that really isn't my style, either way.
 
Aphrodite, you seem to be looking for a monogamous D/s relationship. Since this is a board for polyamouous people, perhaps you'd be better served looking around Fetlife. There are hundreds of fora for chatting there about every aspect of BDSM, and every other fetish and perversion you can think of... perhaps pedophilia and snuff are the only fetishes not allowed to be publicly discussed there.

I am a switch and I know for a fact subs outnumber Doms about 100 to 1. It's much easier to sub than Dom, even though it may seem like more work and more pain. Domming/taking charge takes a lot of energy and thought, care and sensitivity. subbing is just doing as one is told. Easy!

Domming comes naturally to me, I am a born leader. I am good at it. Subbing is more fun and relaxing! Luckily I've got 2 switchy lovers.

Paid "Dominatrixes" are not true Dommes since they are merely fulfilling the fetishes of their customers.
 
FetLife was kinda scary, they seemed very unfriendly to vanilla people.
 
FetLife was kinda scary, they seemed very unfriendly to vanilla people.

Well, it's a board for perverts. I do not find it scary at all. Quite friendly and fun.

The OP does not seem vanilla so I do not get your point.
 
I happen to be poly, within limits, which I've elaborated on in another thread I started.

Not interested in Fetlife at this time, though thank you for suggesting it.

I'm not really vanilla, fwiw. I'm more like chocolate raspberry truffle. With rainbow sprinkles. :p

Yeah.
 
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