River
Active member
I'm of a generation in which many in my age demographic (let's call it the half century mark) can relate to the old familiar stories (perhaps less familiar now) when it was somewhat statistically normal to connect and associate kisses, cuddles and sexual sharing with the L-word -- love.
This is a broad generalization, of course. It depended somewhat if you were in the Big City (I never was) or in a small city, town ... or in the country. Or so it seems. And it depended to some extent whether you were gay (or bi) or straight.
Gay men (and bi men) after all, are supposed to be ALL about sex, and little about love.
But maybe sexual and relational orientation is almost beside the point? The point is? What is the point? The point is that a kiss used to be a kind of marker. It signaled some kind or degree of "romantic" interest. A peck of a kiss was a weaker signal, perhaps. A sloppy wet groping kiss generally signaled even more "romantic" interest, and people used to take a good long while -- perhaps many dates -- to get to the mythical "first kiss".
Nowadays, it looks like we have neither maps nor legends for any of this. People will engage in every kind of physical intimacy with strangers they never expect or hope to see again, and it's all just good fun recreation.
I have no judgement about these recreational activities. I just want to know how to figure out when a kiss is just a kiss. Or when it signals something ... "more significant" ... if we dare rank the significances of kisses.
Our world is in many ways more free than the world of a generation or three before us. It's also more challenging to decipher, to understand. At what point are people "in a relationship"? Is it only when they nod in agreement and say "Yup, we're in a relationship?" This seems to be the popular answer to this question.
Surely, "commitment" isn't what it used to be -- if it means anything at all any more. And, yes, I fully understand that "commitment" can be many things, from monogamy (which so often -- and generally -- has been treated as the sine qua non of commitment) to a promise not to run screaming in the night just as soon as challenges arise (which inevitably must if there is to be anything enduring).
When is a kiss just a kiss? And when is it ... well, significant?
This is a broad generalization, of course. It depended somewhat if you were in the Big City (I never was) or in a small city, town ... or in the country. Or so it seems. And it depended to some extent whether you were gay (or bi) or straight.
Gay men (and bi men) after all, are supposed to be ALL about sex, and little about love.
But maybe sexual and relational orientation is almost beside the point? The point is? What is the point? The point is that a kiss used to be a kind of marker. It signaled some kind or degree of "romantic" interest. A peck of a kiss was a weaker signal, perhaps. A sloppy wet groping kiss generally signaled even more "romantic" interest, and people used to take a good long while -- perhaps many dates -- to get to the mythical "first kiss".
Nowadays, it looks like we have neither maps nor legends for any of this. People will engage in every kind of physical intimacy with strangers they never expect or hope to see again, and it's all just good fun recreation.
I have no judgement about these recreational activities. I just want to know how to figure out when a kiss is just a kiss. Or when it signals something ... "more significant" ... if we dare rank the significances of kisses.
Our world is in many ways more free than the world of a generation or three before us. It's also more challenging to decipher, to understand. At what point are people "in a relationship"? Is it only when they nod in agreement and say "Yup, we're in a relationship?" This seems to be the popular answer to this question.
Surely, "commitment" isn't what it used to be -- if it means anything at all any more. And, yes, I fully understand that "commitment" can be many things, from monogamy (which so often -- and generally -- has been treated as the sine qua non of commitment) to a promise not to run screaming in the night just as soon as challenges arise (which inevitably must if there is to be anything enduring).
When is a kiss just a kiss? And when is it ... well, significant?