better place for this story???

newcrew

New member
I'm thinking I posted this in the wrong place, I'm new, and suddenly completely overwhelmed with my decisions I've made over the last year.

So, I grew up in a community of very interesting and diverse people. Many artists and lots of open relationships etc. It's no surprise I'm smack in the middle again as an adult.

I am married and we are open, and the one man I have managed to somehow develop a relationship with is older. A lot older. He's also married. When we started kissing he asked if I was in an open relationship. We sort of hide it but not really. The other night at a party we were clearly kissing in front of his wife. My husband is actually friends with him so it's sort of...silly that this older intelligent man asked me if we were open.

I'm open for this older man though and that's it. I want this to work before I ever open up to anyone else.

The thing is we have gotten closer over the last year and I'm half his age so sometimes I feel like I am being inappropriate. It's kind of fun but also nerve wracking. I sent him a message about my dream (he told me about his dream a few months ago so he was first to share dream stories lol) today I sent it all at once when I was in a good mood. "You were in my dream and this and that and your penis was hard" and I"m not sure...he usually gets back to me quick. Maybe he is at a movie...or just partied out. He is old lol. But so attractive.

Anyway, I'm a musician and he likes music and it all inspires me and I don't want to lose what we have.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Hi newcrew,

This is just fine as far as places to post is concerned. A lot of it depends on what *you* want out of what you post. Life stories and blogs is where you post if you don't want judgment or criticism. Poly Relationships Corner is where you post if you want the most possible amount of feedback. Sometimes people need a lot of points of view and are willing to ignore the feedback that doesn't appeal to them. Does that make sense?

It sounds like you have a great relationship with that older gentleman, and I hope to hear more updates on that in the future.

Sincerely,
Kevin.
 

newcrew

New member
So far

I like what I've gotten so far privately and yore the only one posting replies so I'll the others. We have a party coming up at a Mansion and I feel something coming on. I love his world. ❤️ Even just what we've experienced so far has strengthened my relationship with my husband. But this older man really likes pretty little things apparently. He says he thinks I'm especially beautiful. That's kinda big!
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
I like what I've gotten so far privately and yore the only one posting replies so I'll the others. We have a party coming up at a Mansion and I feel something coming on. I love his world. ❤️ Even just what we've experienced so far has strengthened my relationship with my husband. But this older man really likes pretty little things apparently. He says he thinks I'm especially beautiful. That's kinda big!

Hi newcrew, welcome to the board.

I wouldn't recommend posting your private messages publicly. They are called private for a reason.

If you want feedback, post in the Poly Relationships section.

I hear you're a bit weirded out by your desire for an older man. It's not unusual to fall for someone older than yourself. Many younger people feel safer with an older experienced person, who may be more self aware, self accepting, and be less needy and clingy, or on the other hand, more interested in deep relationships to enhance their lives, not to save their lives.

I am 61, and after a 30 year relationship marriage with a peer, I divorced and mostly date people younger than myself. I find them entertaining, enthusiastic, funny, full of energy. Not to mention, beautiful. My current partners are 39 and 34. I've tried dating 20somethings, and while many were charming, I found them a bit too green and careless.

I also find 40somethings attractive, but most of them are too busy raising kids and managing careers to be appropriate partners for me.
 

Spork

New member
I like older partners, too!

I'm head over heels for a man who is 20 years older than me. As long as everyone involved is a consenting adult, I really don't think age differences should matter. More important in my mind, is figuring out if people are compatible for where they are in phases of life and maturity.

Like if a young woman wants to have babies and isn't already with a partner and she marries a man who is like 60 or 70, how much energy will he have for raising children? He'll probably die when they are fairly young, right? And will all of the family's resources go to his elder care needs to the detriment of the kids, or to the kids at the detriment of his retirement? Like those kinds of questions are fair to ask in my opinion if there is an age difference. But that's where starting a family is concerned, if somebody is trying to do that.

In the case of a person who is already married but open and taking a lover, none of that matters or applies! Same if no one is wanting to have kids or whatever.

Just worrying about an age difference without more significant reasons, doesn't make any sense to me. We like what we like!
 

newcrew

New member
what message?

Just wondering what private message you're referring to?
Thanks:) It's nice to have encouragement. My family has been a bit judgemental even about my husband being that he has a broken back and learning disability and can't work many jobs, as he's limited physically and mentally. So it hurts sometimes to feel judged. And then it's not easy when you I am sad or down about family to stick up for myself. I'm very sensitive.
Luckily our friends are sweet and caring and open minded and NOT judgmental. This is the right direction.
I love your story and it's always so inspiring when I hear that someone has found love after all. It IS possible. And the more love the better. Love will bring on more love. Giving up doesn't work.
<3
 

newcrew

New member
I like older partners, too!

I'm head over heels for a man who is 20 years older than me. As long as everyone involved is a consenting adult, I really don't think age differences should matter. More important in my mind, is figuring out if people are compatible for where they are in phases of life and maturity.

Like if a young woman wants to have babies and isn't already with a partner and she marries a man who is like 60 or 70, how much energy will he have for raising children? He'll probably die when they are fairly young, right? And will all of the family's resources go to his elder care needs to the detriment of the kids, or to the kids at the detriment of his retirement? Like those kinds of questions are fair to ask in my opinion if there is an age difference. But that's where starting a family is concerned, if somebody is trying to do that.

In the case of a person who is already married but open and taking a lover, none of that matters or applies! Same if no one is wanting to have kids or whatever.

Just worrying about an age difference without more significant reasons, doesn't make any sense to me. We like what we like!

I agree, age doesn't matter in my reality but judgement can feel kind of harsh. This is also an opportunity to learn as he has been poly before and had it work out and not work out. I'm with someone honest and loyal and even if it doesn't go further I am still practicing good communication and opening myself to love.
<3
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
Just wondering what private message you're referring to?

I thought you were going to post private messages from what you said to Kevin above.

Thanks:) It's nice to have encouragement. My family has been a bit judgmental even about my husband being that he has a broken back and learning disability and can't work many jobs, as he's limited physically and mentally. So it hurts sometimes to feel judged. And then it's not easy when I am sad or down about family to stick up for myself. I'm very sensitive.

Luckily our friends are sweet and caring and open minded and NOT judgmental. This is the right direction.

I love your story and it's always so inspiring when I hear that someone has found love after all. It IS possible. And the more love the better. Love will bring on more love. Giving up doesn't work.
<3

So you're OK with falling for an older man, but your family is giving you grief? Just don't talk about him to family much, if at all. If it works out they may change their opinions.

"Found love after all?" I loved my ex husband, I love my gf of 8 years, and I am liking my newish bf a lot. He tells me he loves me. Plenty of love to go around in my life.
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
We have a party coming up at a Mansion and I feel something coming on. I love his world. ❤️ Even just what we've experienced so far has strengthened my relationship with my husband. But this older man really likes pretty little things apparently. He says he thinks I'm especially beautiful. That's kinda big!

You are "partying at the Mansion?" Like, the Playboy Mansion?

If you want to see him one on one, you could ask him out. That might make more serious progress possible.

If he just sees you as a "pretty little thing" to party with, is this polyamory or just casual interest/swinging?
 

Spork

New member
Hm.

I know an older man in our scene here who loves younger gals. Interesting arrangement he has, he tends to move them into his house, but only until they reach 25 and then they've gotta go! But his girls don't even have to be sex partners, but they absolutely must be escorts, when he goes out, he likes to have an entourage of pretty young women with him.

They get free room and board and help with college or life or whatever...he gets beautiful company and the social ego boost of going everywhere with pretty ladies on his arms.

And there are several "mansions" in this area where people have various kinds of parties. From a nightclub called "the mansion" to an apartment complex where part of it is a historical mansion and is referred to as such, to actual mansions that host parties of one sort or another.

So your older gentleman enjoys the company of pretty young gals. Mags had a valid question...is this expected to be a brief fling? Or a longer, emotionally charged and committed relationship? Have you talked to him about expectations that the two of you might have? It might be worthwhile just to check in and make sure you're both on the same page with what you want out of this. Nothing whatsoever wrong with it being a casual-ish thing, but you should be aware of whatever it is you're getting into, don't you think?

Best wishes, and have fun!!
 

newcrew

New member
Love

This is already a very stable and pure emotional connection. We were friends first and he has taken it slow. Very intimate and emotional. Trust. Respect. I wouldn't choose anyone else. I'm appreciative of your concern:) It means a lot. I have had trouble with older men before. This one man is caring of me and my family and vice versa.
 
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