Casual love--YES, PLEASE.

Frankie

Member
The original article really speaks to how I feel. I use the word, love, a lot. But never casually, it is very intentional. Those I've been romantic or sexual with that I have told it too, I have honestly loved, even if I wasn't loved back or the relationship did not last. It was not infatuation or a crush, I love fast and hard and often times just because I am no longer with them, doesn't necessarily mean I no longer love them. With that all said, I also do not tend to have lots of friends, I tend to be very deliberately involved or not involved with people. But I do have people in my life that I absolutely love whom I never have been connected with, or at the very least have only been a friend of/to.

Love was always used often in my family growing up, because it meant I care, I am here for you. Love never required a response or a commitment from the other side, it just was a feeling of deep connection - I get you and I enjoy you and who you are in all your natural goodness. It doesn't mean I expect anything. It just means you now hold a special place in my heart and I am thankful for your presence in my life.
 

Iridescent

New member
The original article really speaks to how I feel. I use the word, love, a lot. But never casually, it is very intentional. Those I've been romantic or sexual with that I have told it too, I have honestly loved, even if I wasn't loved back or the relationship did not last. It was not infatuation or a crush, I love fast and hard and often times just because I am no longer with them, doesn't necessarily mean I no longer love them. With that all said, I also do not tend to have lots of friends, I tend to be very deliberately involved or not involved with people. But I do have people in my life that I absolutely love whom I never have been connected with, or at the very least have only been a friend of/to.

Love was always used often in my family growing up, because it meant I care, I am here for you. Love never required a response or a commitment from the other side, it just was a feeling of deep connection - I get you and I enjoy you and who you are in all your natural goodness. It doesn't mean I expect anything. It just means you now hold a special place in my heart and I am thankful for your presence in my life.

I agree with everything you said. I feel the same way!!
 

Evie

Kaitiaki
Aery, please tone it down. Caps are not necessary.
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
Aery, please tone it down. Caps are not necessary.

Aery seems to have trouble typing. There are issues with punctuation, and also caps lock were left on accidentally, I think.
 

Wishfuldreamer

New member
I can see that this thread is dying a death a little, but I just wanted to put some thoughts down that I've been having on this.

I have two partners currently, as outlined in my intro. One, Robert, is a more serious partner where there is definitely an emotional openness that allows for the potential of love and romance (it's new...3 months or so, so we're not quite at that stage yet). We've just booked to go away for a few nights together etc. He has another partner and both he, and she, identify as solo (they don't live together, aren't nesting, wouldn't label as primary etc).

My other partner, Matt, has a primary partner who is he deeply in love with. We were friends beforehand, and I would say we are somewhere in the FWB territory, though i don't really know how to define that in a poly situation. Because this is where i think things get muddier. If you google FWB, then a lot of the think pieces, advice columns etc, are about what to do if you 'catch feelings' for your FWB. Because the whole point, in mono culture, of a FWB is it is casual i.e. you are not exclusive, and if you 'fall in love' the expectation is that you become exclusive, and that 'ruins' the FWB potentially, if the other person doesn't want the exclusivity and freaks out.

That dynamic is different when people are poly. Now Matt and my relationship is affectionate. We do broadly 'platonic' things together still like go to the cinema, chill on the sofa watching TV/listening to music, sometimes while Masha (his partner) is in bed, and are physically tactile with each other. He will come over, we'll cook, and he'll stay over. we are emotional supports for each other, to an extent. there are elements of our FWB-type arrangement which are 'relationship like'.

I wouldn't say that i'm 'in love' - but i have strong feelings of attraction and care for him, and i would be upset if we ended things. For him, maintaining the boundaries of 'not falling in love' is important, but more for his own brain space rather than a 'rule' that he and Masha have. it helps him, i think, maintain the distinction between his relationships - and i'm ok with that. But, it does leave an interesting place to think about how love, and the FWB concept of sex without 'feelings', plays out in a poly dynamic. because for me, if either of us fall in love with the other, it's not necessarily a problem. I mean, i guess it's hard being in love with someone who doesn't return it. But I don't actually see how it would change much of our relationship dynamic in reality, because we don't have to commit to any kind of exclusivity, or really change anything. I think it's something I'd like to talk to him about, at some point. We've talked about it in bits before, but it's definitely something I want to explore in the future. for now, it doesn't really feel pressing to pull at that thread, but as we get more secure with each other, and the nature of our relationship (which began in a slightly complicated way as a drunken infidelity on my part as my previous monogamous relationship was disintegrating) becomes more established.

Anyway, interesting food for thought. Thanks for the articles :)
 
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