ambivulous
Member
I have been in a strictly monogamous relationship (for 17 years now) and it has been good (except for the sex, which started out "ok" and became non-existent over the last 10 years - after our youngest child was conceived). My wife has some health issues, but she's isn't happy with the situation either (we talked about it, but not enough - in my opinion). I feel like a nag (both in wanting sex and wanting to talk about it), and recently realized I feel unloved and neglected by her acceptance of a sexless marriage.
This past year I've felt a little more impatient and tried to press for some kind of resolution and improvement. But, well, I'm getting kind of the silent treatment / no change at all. I realize old habits die hard, but I've also been extremely patient for many years, and well, I've just run out of that patience.
So, around to why I'm here. A few weeks ago I signed up on OKCupid and just started exploring a little and thinking about what options might be out there for other romantic relationships. To be honest, I started with the (immature?) idea that having a "friends with benefits" situation would be ideal. I love my wife, but I feel like she can't meet my needs and wouldn't it be better to keep the family together for the kids and the stability, but add some spice to our lives (though, I must admit feeling a bit selfish for expressing it this way). I have no indication that she's at all interested in a similar situation, but I don't have a problem with that if she did.
As I explored I found some people in polyamorous situations and thought, hmm, could that work? Could an "open marriage" work for us? I've read about it, encountered a few people who live this way, so it's not a totally foreign concept to me. I don't want to idealize it for sure, and I found some basic information about it and have been learning. It is somewhat daunting; in my case how would I manage my responsibility to my kids and all the other things I do (I'm already busy), and then add another person or persons into the mix? It sounds complicated, difficult, and fraught with easy ways to make multiple relationships suck. On the other hand, it also sounds fulfilling, interesting, and a way to grow as a person ... if not a way to share with others and enrich other people's lives too. Sharing is good, right?
So, that's the intro. I've not said anything to my wife and would appreciate advice on ways that would be less dramatic to break it to her (and I'm pretty sure she would not be open to "opening" our marriage). It probably sounds strange to be here asking for what might be marriage advice. Or how to manage my sexual desires. Or anything in-between. But, what I've learned is that the poly community is really mature and skilled in this kind of thing and not afraid to say it like it is. I'm not interested in sugar coating things, just interested in finding a solution or situation that works for everyone.
This past year I've felt a little more impatient and tried to press for some kind of resolution and improvement. But, well, I'm getting kind of the silent treatment / no change at all. I realize old habits die hard, but I've also been extremely patient for many years, and well, I've just run out of that patience.
So, around to why I'm here. A few weeks ago I signed up on OKCupid and just started exploring a little and thinking about what options might be out there for other romantic relationships. To be honest, I started with the (immature?) idea that having a "friends with benefits" situation would be ideal. I love my wife, but I feel like she can't meet my needs and wouldn't it be better to keep the family together for the kids and the stability, but add some spice to our lives (though, I must admit feeling a bit selfish for expressing it this way). I have no indication that she's at all interested in a similar situation, but I don't have a problem with that if she did.
As I explored I found some people in polyamorous situations and thought, hmm, could that work? Could an "open marriage" work for us? I've read about it, encountered a few people who live this way, so it's not a totally foreign concept to me. I don't want to idealize it for sure, and I found some basic information about it and have been learning. It is somewhat daunting; in my case how would I manage my responsibility to my kids and all the other things I do (I'm already busy), and then add another person or persons into the mix? It sounds complicated, difficult, and fraught with easy ways to make multiple relationships suck. On the other hand, it also sounds fulfilling, interesting, and a way to grow as a person ... if not a way to share with others and enrich other people's lives too. Sharing is good, right?
So, that's the intro. I've not said anything to my wife and would appreciate advice on ways that would be less dramatic to break it to her (and I'm pretty sure she would not be open to "opening" our marriage). It probably sounds strange to be here asking for what might be marriage advice. Or how to manage my sexual desires. Or anything in-between. But, what I've learned is that the poly community is really mature and skilled in this kind of thing and not afraid to say it like it is. I'm not interested in sugar coating things, just interested in finding a solution or situation that works for everyone.