Comittment ceremony ideas


New member
I plan a legal divorce with my husband (for immigration purposes for my boyfriend). This is a huge sacrifice, and I want to make sure that my husband understands that in my heart nothing has changed. He loved getting married, and I want him to have that feeling still, even if he will not legally be my husband. I have some ideas as to how he could feel I am still as comitted to him:
- We are planning a child.
- We are writing wills, and plan to have them updated every few years to accomodate what we own and who will be benefited and how (will get one for boyfriend too, once he has gotten more property)
- I am thinking of a sort of ceremony, a sort of renewing our marriage vows, perhaps around the same time that we are officially getting divorced. This could be with the two or three of us, or a small gathering with friends and family

I wonder if anyone has done something similar and what they used for their ceremony or other things that could be nice to do to their (ex)husband. He has really been in the backburner lately and I am over the moon happy that he still want to do this, for our small family. I want to show this appreciation to him and I am happy for any tips you may have :)


Official Greeter
Staff member
Hi Norwegianpoly,

My V's commitment ceremony was a rather private affair; I've heard of others inviting family and friends and making it very much like a traditional marriage. We also wrote our own vows, you could do that as well. Not a lot of ideas for you I know, but perhaps it's a start.

Kevin T.


Well-known member
I eloped with PunkRock for our commitment ceremony - we had a handfasting. You can do a search here and in my journal for ideas. But, it wasn't a triad sort of ceremony since it was just PunkRock and I who went off to do our thing. :)


New member
A handfasting type of ceremony can be adapted to just about any kind of situation. It could be a recommittment to your NEW life together, which looks different from your previous one. Doing a search for handfasting or renewal of vows should give some good ideas.

Some of the things I know people do is
-writing new vows

-doing actual "handfasting" which is physically tying your hands together ceremonially with a special cord. We did that and we still have the cords we used, kept in a special box with our vows written out on scrolls.

-go an a second honeymoon, either alone or together with your boyfriend. Acknowledgement of your new situation is important.

Best of luck!


New member
Customized vows, some sort of handfasting, and public consummation is the best way to go. :D
Could be fun, but after 13 years of dating and 7 years of marriage the consummation part is already taken care of ;)

Going for a 2nd honeymoon is a great idea!

Other ideas I found online:
Have a small dinner party with close friends, with formal invites, have the photo album from the actual wedding there
Visit a minister and get a blessing (we did not get to marry in church, so could be nice)
Take a photographer to the coast, read "added vows" and take pictures


New member
I want a handfasting

So I'm now almost 31. I was with my ex for almost 12 years monogamous and we were happy in the beginning. Then he because a severe addict and that very extremely challenging and hurtful to me...I'm not with him anymore but I dread with my 2 best friend a man and a woman who have been dating for almost 8 years and I want to ask them to have a hand fasting with me this summer almost like a proposal in front of some friends I'm super excited!

I don't know much about hand fastings and where the neck I can get someone to tie our 3 hands together but I've never been so sure about anything in my life as this. I'm madly in Love with these 2 humans and I love what we have and I want to have a celebration and hand fasting to celebrate out love since I can't legally marry them both. can someone give me as much info on hand fasting as they know I would have much appreciation because this is something I feel I must do!


New member
I had a low-key, traditional wedding with my husband. A simple religious ceremony followed by a massive feast. One difference between what we did and the typical wedding was that I exchanged promises with my two sister-wives, and my GFs did as well. Our family puts a lot of emphasis on the relationships between women.

With my two GFs, we did a kind of handfasting with the three of us prior to my wedding with my husband, and all three of us moved into the house together. We were a triad before my GF#1 fell in love with Wife #1, and before my husband and I decided we could make our relationship finally work.

It gets a bit complicated handling multiple things at once, but we managed. What makes a day special is who you do things with, rather than what you're actually doing.


Please explain.

Public consummation is pretty much what it sounds like. Some folks do it that way...

In my case, when I married my husband back in January we weren't allowed to have sex before the wedding, and the consummation was done in front of witnesses. A religious regulation, if you will. The purpose of it is to make the wedding "physically valid," and to demonstrate the partners' willingness to have children. Part of the consummation process involved my two sister-wives demonstrating their affection and physical acceptance of me.


Well-known member
xtina - we had ours down by a member of the UU church. She did them as an aside to her duties as a preacher/pastor. They are very open and accepting of polyamorous relationships.