Commitment?!?

[Tahirabs]

I was wondering if anyone here is in fully commited relationships with their multiple families. I would love to hear stories about your fmailies, especially families that have children. I know I want children (a lot... my husband always jokes about having 12 {through adopting, birth, and foster} sometimes he sound seriouse). I also want to homeschool. I am wondering how others handel poly family life. I have a girlfirend as well that we already know will make the god-mother (and live wiht us) when we have children. More details the better, I love stories!! Thanks

 

[Tahirabs]

More detailed difinition

I guess I should have been a little more spicific. I ment fully commited to the point of conisdering who you are with fully family and know you'll never leave them (as much as anyone can now). you know the onld (stupid in my opionion) saying "tell death do us part". I guess that's what I ment. Really I just want to hear family stories.

 

[LovingRadiance]

We're that way. As odd as that may sound because we've only been "poly" for a couple months.

GG has lived with us for years.
Our oldest is really my bio daughter
then Macas bio son
Then Maca and I's bio son
and GG and I's bio girl-who is Maca's "daughter" she calls GG by his given name.

We have operated as a family since Ailsa was born, then it was just my sister ("auntie Em", Ailsa and I) then we met GG. He was "nuncle". (Ailsa was almost 2.
When Ailsa was 6 Maca and I got married and that brought Maca and his son to the family.
We had Aiden when Ailsa was 8.
GG moved in and Em got married and moved out when Aiden was... 3? Somewhere around then.
When Ailsa was 16 we had Trinity (the baby) and the family was "complete" as far as our children go.
Em moved back in 6 months ago (going through a divorce) and honestly-it feels complete now in full. But we're pretty sure she'll get her own place eventually and I suspect that someday we'll add another woman which means we may also add more children-just no more coming from MY body!

There may be dynamic changes as far as the roles we carry-but none of us is leaving the family.

We also do homeschool. Ailsa was in a private school 1-4th grade. Homeschooled 5th-10th, she's did 11-12th at a specialty highschool for medicine. 1/2 through her 12th year and she got her CNA done yesterday.

Daren was private school K, then homeschool 1-2, then his mom made him repeat 2 and do 3rd in public school (which really screwed him up as he was bored and ahead of his peers so he acted out). He did 4th public and got kicked out of school nearly. Then homeschooled 5th and went back to public school 6-1/2 of 8th. Now he's homeschooled and will be through highschool as she's out of the picture on that account.
Aiden has always been homeschooled. He's 9 and finishing 5th grade out this year.
Trinity hasn't officially started school yet.

What would you like to know m'dear!

 

[Sweetheart]

Us too.

We have a rather large "extended family" with lots of kids, and we also homeschool.

We always joked about having a lot too. As it is, we do have quite a few, through birth, adoption, etc. We're still not sure if we're done!

Feel free to ask anything, Tahirabs.

 

[sweetie]

I can say with 100% honesty that we are a true poly family. We have 6 adult children, and one grandbaby.

We don't all share the same blood, but are definitely one family. We have been there for each other. Weddings, babies, death. We share each other's lives good and bad. When one of our children won't listen to the natural parent, we look to the second mother/father to talk to them. Sometimes our children will listen to another adult rather then us. Tommy and Sea can say the exact same thing I would, and my daughter will listen to them, likewise with their children.

When my daughter became pregnant, I knew she wanted me to be there in the delivery room. I had never seen a natural birth. Both of my children were C-sections. I knew I couldn't do it alone. I asked Sea to be there with me. Her four children were born naturally. My daughter went through hell. At one point I had to leave the room. I was crying, and knew I couldn't let her see me that way. I remember walking back into the room and seeing Sea holding her hand, whispering to her. Sea did for her, what I wasn't capable of doing. That's love.

When "our" grandbaby was born, she became the center of our lives. I'm amma, Sea is amma, Tommy is papa. All of our other children are auntie or uncle.

When Tommy's mom was in hospital this summer, and eventually passed away. I was there. I didn't know his family. Had never met them. But he needed me, and I was there. He asked me to be at his mom's celebration of life. I couldn't possibly say no. We are family.

Their oldest daughter married this summer. I was the one they asked to make sure everything ran smoothly while they were off taking family pictures. They knew I would never allow anything to mess up their special day.

My daughter will call Sea and Tommy's looking for me, if I'm not there, she will talk to them about her present problem. They are her second mom and dad, as I am to their children. They would never allow her to deal with a problem on her own, any more then I would with their children.

In time there will be more marriages, more children. All three of us will be there. Doing the best we can for "our" children, and "our" grandchildren.

I am happy to say our children are proud of us. They know they don't only have one parent, they have three. We are doing our job, we are making sure the love we feel for each other, is passed on to them. Love is love. It doesn't matter where it comes from. Those of us who have experienced family love know this. It doesn't have to be about blood, just love.

We are truly blessed.

 

[crisare]

Sweetie - thanks for sharing. Your family story brought tears to my eyes. I would have liked to have had the opportunity to build that with my last b/f, but his wife let jealousy and insecurity get in the way and as a result we ended our relationship - and our friendship. It was one of the most painful times of my life.

Maybe someday ...

 

[MonoVCPHG]

I can say with 100% honesty that we are a true poly family. We have 6 adult children, and one grandbaby.
.

I could never agree more...wow..great inspiration. Thanks for this

 

[Sweetheart]

Sweetie, that was inspirational. A true poly family.

 

[Tahirabs]

Thanks

Thank you sweety for sharring what a butiful story. Thank you all, I loe to read what you all write here about your families it has ben great !

 

[AutumnalTone]

We aren't currently in such a situation. Out dream is to eventually have a place large enough to have others living with us or near us so that we have a large extended family of amorati and friends around us.

 

[CielDuMatin]

What Commitment means to me

Commitment for me is a commitment not to me as a person but to the relationship. It means not running at the first sign of trouble or of changing ones mind on a whim and just disappearing out of someone's life. It means feeling like I wish to encourage personal growth in those that I are in a relationship with (and it is up to the individual to define that, not me) and they with me.

When times are hard it means that there needs to be a certain "stickwithitness" - a willingness to stay with it and try to work things out.

If, as sometimes happens, it's not possible to do that, then everyone agreeing that it's just not working and agreeing to go our own ways is not showing a lack of commitment in any way, shape or form. I don't expect anyone to be with me if they don't choose to be.

 

[Rarechild]

Thanks for those stories

LR and Sweetie, I don't have kids and have always had an issue with trusting someone enough to have a child with them. Your stories make me think of the subject in a whole new light. Thanks

 

[LovingRadiance]

LR and Sweetie, I don't have kids and have always had an issue with trusting someone enough to have a child with them. Your stories make me think of the subject in a whole new light. Thanks

Glad I could give someone "food for thought".

I can't imagine trying to raise kids without all the extra help that a poly family has! Even before we were "sexually poly" we functioned as a poly family. Having extra adults sure does make life run smoother!

 

[River]

So..., yesterday I'm hanging out with a friend, and we chatted a little about how difficult it is to meet other queer men where we live, especially the ones who are available for something more than casual sex with strangers. I told my friend that I have even stooped as low as trying Craigslist, which is more often than not used for sexual hook-ups, rather than potentially meeting a true intimate.... Well, anyway, at some point my friend says that "Maybe the sort of folks who would answer an ad like yours are the very same sort who will drop the ball and not call or phone as they say they intend to" .... "... you know, the lack of commitment". (He seemed to think that I wouldn't and couldn't be committed to a new amour because I already have a boyfriend.) He knew of my self-describing as poly, but he really doesn't understand what that is, what that means....

I tell this story in large part as a way of saying that polyamory is really not very well understood by most folks. Usually, a guy like me has to educate people in even the most basic of basics.