Curious about a Poly lifestyle

Evie

Kaitiaki
Hi Jessica
Polyamorous relationships can take heaps of different forms, that's one of the cool parts about them - tailor made rather than us trying to fit a social expectation! Do what works for you and yours :)
I hope you enjoy reading around the site!
 

TXretired

Active member
Welcome to the board. There are a number of books out there. Do lots of reading so that you can decide what will work for you. Much of the reading has info that would be good for mono folks to consider. For me it has been an interesting journey, very blessed.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Greetings Jessica,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

You will find like-minded people here, and you don't have to worry, they won't judge. It sounds like you are just about at the earliest stages of wondering if poly is for you. Hopefully Polyamory.com will help you decide. Have a look around, and don't hesitate to ask us any questions! I'm glad you're here.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 

SarahD

New member
I read here daily and rarely post anything. I’m always puzzled by posts of people “looking for”. My experience has always been that “it” just finds you and your search only involves being open to what life and love bring you.

I was a “sister wife” in a closed V for almost 15 years and very happy. Randomly I developed a relationship with another (mono) man and for three years my parallel relationship with him worked with my DH and sister wife. Then for reasons unrelated to poly DH and I separated and my other partner and I stayed together in a mono looking relationship for nine years. I always missed having a sister wife and badly wanted him to find someone. He’s just not wired that way and couldn’t/wouldn’t. Then out of the clear blue, I found and fell in love with another man. Now instead of being the prong on a FMF v, I’m the hinge in a MFM v. I couldn’t have ever seen that coming.

so I guess my advise is .. if you are open. Be open!
 

icesong

Moderator
Staff member
I read here daily and rarely post anything. I’m always puzzled by posts of people “looking for”. My experience has always been that “it” just finds you and your search only involves being open to what life and love bring you.
I think that's sort of true and sort of not - certainly I agree that being open to whatever life brings you is a much better way of living one's life than trying to keep everything completely without change or seeking a very very specific person/dynamic. On the other hand... knowing what you do and don't want in advance keeps you from settling or trying to change people, and sometimes the only way to meet people is to actively look.
 

SarahD

New member
I think maybe Our arguments boil down to semantics.

looking for and searching for? One is passive and one is active? I’m not really smart when it comes to these things

In my experience I only know that when I was closed I still had wishes and desires but I kept them to myself. When I was open, I sorta put myself out there in a flirty way.
 

Nadgee

New member
I read here daily and rarely post anything. I’m always puzzled by posts of people “looking for”. My experience has always been that “it” just finds you and your search only involves being open to what life and love bring you.

I was a “sister wife” in a closed V for almost 15 years and very happy. Randomly I developed a relationship with another (mono) man and for three years my parallel relationship with him worked with my DH and sister wife. Then for reasons unrelated to poly DH and I separated and my other partner and I stayed together in a mono looking relationship for nine years. I always missed having a sister wife and badly wanted him to find someone. He’s just not wired that way and couldn’t/wouldn’t. Then out of the clear blue, I found and fell in love with another man. Now instead of being the prong on a FMF v, I’m the hinge in a MFM v. I couldn’t have ever seen that coming.

so I guess my advise is .. if you are open. Be open!
This is a wonderful post for us newcomers to poly. I'm a bit over fifty as is my wife and we think that forcing ourselves into specific relationship shapes will only end in heartache and just won't feel right. It's got to come from somewhere else than our brains. Thanks for sharing !!!
 

Starr

New member
Welcome to the board. There are a number of books out there. Do lots of reading so that you can decide what will work for you. Much of the reading has info that would be good for mono folks to consider. For me it has been an interesting journey, very blessed.
Do you recommend any particular books for newbies?
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Here's a couple of books I would suggest:
  • "Opening Up: a guide to creating and sustaining open relationships," by Tristan Taormino.
  • "Eight Things I Wish I'd Known about Polyamory (before I tried it and frakked it up)," by Cunning Minx.
  • "Sex at Dawn: how we mate, why we stray, and what it means for modern relationships," by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá.
Regards,
Kevin T.
 

Starr

New member
Here's a couple of books I would suggest:
  • "Opening Up: a guide to creating and sustaining open relationships," by Tristan Taormino.
  • "Eight Things I Wish I'd Known about Polyamory (before I tried it and frakked it up)," by Cunning Minx.
  • "Sex at Dawn: how we mate, why we stray, and what it means for modern relationships," by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá.
Regards,
Kevin T.
How funny - Sex at Dawn was one of the most eye-opening books I ever read. Thanks so much, I'm going to get myself caught up on the knowns from your recommendations :)
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
You're welcome, happy reading.
 

TXretired

Active member
More than two - nice info to consider
Jealousy a poly workbook - good for anyone
Devine Sex by Phylo Thelos for some religious views
 

icesong

Moderator
Staff member
Polysecure, Off the Relarionship Escalator, and Smart Girl’s Guide to Polyamory.
 
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