Al99
Well-known member
My wife's bf is in a Don't Ask, Don't Tell open marriage, and he says that his marriage is now more about convenience, financial security, and the like - with not a whole lot of closeness, romance, or sex. And he says they have a workable DADT relationship and they both have had other partners in recent years. He tells my wife, Becky, that he thinks our situation is "weird" - in which I know "everything" (not really - but enough - like when she is seeing him, especially since it is long distance and it will usually work out that she go out of town and spend the night with him). The three of us actually met for coffee early in the process - during the talking stage - and he was clearly not comfortable with that either.
I am sure that DADT works just fine for a whole lot of people. But I can't imagine having to deal with the uncertainty of not knowing (we've been married for a while and just opened up to a poly marriage). It may not always be easy "knowing" either - but, for me, it is much easier to deal with the facts and come to acceptance - than to never know what is going on "in secret" - that would just drive me bat shit crazy, I suspect.
After a great Valentine's evening in every respect, Becky left this morning to go out of town for her second overnight (first one was back in January). She will incorporate it into a business trip, but they will have lunch today, and meet back tonight for the overnight and time together until noon tomorrow.
I found that I was ok during the first overnight - having worked very hard on achieving a level of acceptance - and even found that I had some compersion for her - and the good time I knew she would have.
I believe I am even more at ease this time. As she drove away this morning, I had that bit of emptiness that I might have if she were going anywhere -but I find that I am happy for her opportunity to spend time with her bf. By chance, I have an old friend in town for a few days, and we will get together and visit.
Hope everyone had a great Valentine's Day!
Al
I am sure that DADT works just fine for a whole lot of people. But I can't imagine having to deal with the uncertainty of not knowing (we've been married for a while and just opened up to a poly marriage). It may not always be easy "knowing" either - but, for me, it is much easier to deal with the facts and come to acceptance - than to never know what is going on "in secret" - that would just drive me bat shit crazy, I suspect.
After a great Valentine's evening in every respect, Becky left this morning to go out of town for her second overnight (first one was back in January). She will incorporate it into a business trip, but they will have lunch today, and meet back tonight for the overnight and time together until noon tomorrow.
I found that I was ok during the first overnight - having worked very hard on achieving a level of acceptance - and even found that I had some compersion for her - and the good time I knew she would have.
I believe I am even more at ease this time. As she drove away this morning, I had that bit of emptiness that I might have if she were going anywhere -but I find that I am happy for her opportunity to spend time with her bf. By chance, I have an old friend in town for a few days, and we will get together and visit.
Hope everyone had a great Valentine's Day!
Al
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