My 2 cents?
It is not cool for him to keep pursuing when she says she is not interested. Whether you are open or closed she is not interested in him
. That is NO and no should be enough for anyone.
He is crossing a line pestering and not listening to her no. It is not nice to ignore "no." He is not a "nice guy."
I feel it wasn't fair to him or me that she wasn't being completely honest.
She is not required to share extra info with a guy who is being FRESH. You call it "not fair/not honest" but why should she give a fresh guy MORE personal data about herself or her present situation? Why would she "owe" a fresh guy like that anything besides no? Especially when he ignores what she says? Is her personal safety and her personal data more important to her than her being "honest and fair" to a fresh dude?
Why are you making it be about you? How is it not fair to you that she does not want to tell a fresh guy more info about herself or her situation when he will not take no for an answer?
If he is calling your house bugging you because you have to listen to the ring? You do not need her consent to tell a caller on your shared line to stop calling it. You can deal with him direct.
If he is not blowing up your house line and it is HER complaining to you she is frustrated he crosses her line? You can deal with her directly.
You can tell her to stop sharing with you because you are not up for it.
You can validate you would be frustrated in the same shoes.
You can offer to deal with him for her and await her answer.
You can do many things.
If you chose to send him FB notes without waiting for her consent?
Maybe you were provoked by her upset. But if that is the case, you were reacting to your OWN upset and not thinking about her position.
Are you able to see how just like him you are being?
She may be provoked from frustration with the fresh guy, but then YOU crossed the same line. You did not ask consent. You did not respect her voice. She did not get to say yes or no. She got to say NOTHING.
The ex bf is crossing lines either way. She is not interested. No means no. But at least she got to say something
there even if he ignores it.
Could apologize to wife. She does not need two men in her life not asking for consent/ignoring her "no"/acting like her voice does not matter.
Even if she provoked upset in you? You could still ask for consent first. Offer to help. Ask what she would like from you first. Wait for answer.
Her having some provoking emotions or behavior does not mean you go off doing some other provoking behavior. You do not have to react to your own upset. You could respond to her wishes for her problem instead.
I do not think she "prefers" emotional back and forth. She is experiencing
emotional upheaval post break up. It is simply hard to come to terms with a former bf she used to think was a nice guy now being a dick about not taking NO as NO. It is creepy. And with certain guys? It can get scary!
That is rough to process even without extra hubby complications on top.