Difference between partner of a polyamorous women and a cuckold

zigzag

New member
My wife is poly and I am currently mono. (Am I poly as well? Whole different debate). And I was wondering what is the difference between me being the partner of a poly women, and being a cuckold? Equally does it matter?
 

bassman

New member
My wife is poly and I am currently mono. (Am I poly as well? Whole different debate). And I was wondering what is the difference between me being the partner of a poly women, and being a cuckold? Equally does it matter?
It doesnt matter, but a cuckold situation seems to have a dom and a sub male in the equation.

If you dont mind your wife having a lover , and her love respects you, and treats you fairly, not as if he "has one over you", then its a balanced situation.

There seems to be a general attitude that if a man allows a women a lover, he is now "cuckolded", and i dont agree that it is the right way to view things.

You might want your wife to explore her sexuality, you might be happy for her enjoyment, it might enhance the sex life you have with her, it might turn you on. - non of that means you are now "cuckold" .
 
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polychronopolous

New member
Cuckoldry usually involves a good measure of humiliation to the cuckold as well as things like denial of sex and/or orgasm, chastity (in some cases) and domination from the wife. I'm sure there are many variations among those who engage in that fetish.

I don't think you fall into this category. You sound like you fall into the category of "Man who loves his wife and wants her to be happy." I wouldn't even worry about such labels, really.

Phoenix
 

mrpockets

New member
I guess cause I never really knew the definition, I never even thought of cuckold, but your relationship sounds similar to mine and my girls. She currently has an OSO, where as I am mono. I tell her all the time that I want her to be happy, and that's why I agreed to letting her see her OSO when she brought it up that she would like to get to know him better. He's a good guy, was a good friend before the whole thing, and we see ourselves as essentially brothers and a weird, close family. We look out for each other (he's currently under the weather and I snapped 5 pictures of our girl for him since he can't come see her, as well as we have each other's backs in life), we worry about each other and how we're making the other feel. If this is the same as you, I don't see it as cuckold, just a caring SO.
 

Leander

New member
Far as I'm concerned cuckold (and cuckquean) refers to the fetish. You are not a cuckold unless that is a fetish of yours. Using the term as an insult is antiquated.
 

sparklepop

New member
Hi zigzag,

You're polyamorous if you have loved or do love more than one person at the same time, or if you embrace the idea of doing so and identify as being open to loving more than one person at once. ;) Can be monogamous in practice, but embrace polyamory, polysexuality (sexual attraction to more than one, without the love), or whatever else.

Regarding the cuckoldry question... Well, yes and no! Traditionally, you might fall into the technical category of a cuck, though this usually refers to adultery - it's the idea that you are being duped, played, made subordinate by a woman. As others have said, this used to be (a very, very long time ago) a derogatory term, and it insinuated emasculation. The link with emasculation stems from the antiquated idea of men as superior to women - thus, if a woman was disobeying your ownership and control of her, (especially behind your back, which made you foolish), you appeared weak. Weakness was linked to femininity, and therefore you were seen as less masculine. These days, many people would argue that you're a bigger man for embracing your wife's love for another! Does it matter either way? Nah.

In terms of the fetish for cuckoldry (male form) /cuckqueaning (the female form), there are a few more layers. The emasculation can be there - in fact, this IS what makes it so erotic for many men. Typically, there might be: a man and his wife/partner; a 'bull' (hot masculine stud); and potentially a Domme (female dominant). Sometimes, the bull is a dominant male and no Domme is present. There are various configurations, but essentially, the cuck watches his wife have sex with the bull whilst being humiliated by others in the scene. The humiliation is largely based around the act itself ("The bull is better than you - you can't please me").

In the fetishistic sense, cuckoldry means that you are actually aroused by the thought/sight/sound of your spouse being sexual with another DUE TO feelings of emasculation/discomfort/insecurity/humiliation. In other words, you get off on the humiliation. If you simply like the visual of your wife with someone, that's more of a voyeuristic thing. If you aren't into, or dislike, the thought/sight of your spouse with someone else, you are neither a fetishistic cuck, nor are you a voyeur when it comes to her.

I think I just went on a fetish rant. Yay for cuckoldry. ~winks~
 

nycindie

Active member
Usually a cuckold is shamed and humiliated by the fact of his wife being sexual with someone else. Before the word began to be used to refer to a particular fetish involving getting off on being shamed and humiliated while watching your wife being fucked, it was historically used to refer to a man who behaved like a milquetoast and did nothing while his wife openly had affairs. It comes from the old-fashioned notion that a husband owns the wife and should be able to control her.

Unless you have a fetish and want to be shamed and humiliated as a part of your kink, there is no shame in polyamory. Polyamory is simply an approach to having multiple loving relationships at the same time, without hiding it or sneaking around. The focus is not on the sex, but on having more than one relationship that is loving and nurturing, which may also be sexual. If you are okay with your wife practicing poly, that in itself is far from being a cuckold.
 
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Aurelie26

New member
I think that the two can go together very well. I am in a Poly relationship where I love two men, who both love me, but there is a Cuckold dynamic also.

The most important thing is not to worry about it. (I did, very much) Labels don't matter as long as everyone is happy!
 

zigzag

New member
Neither my wife or her partner dominates me at all, and there is no abusive or dominant element but now and again I think of myself as a cuckold but not in a bad way. I suppose my question was driven by some element of guilt from enjoying myself in a threesome situation which seems to be so outside typical moral values.
 

Aurelie26

New member
Neither my wife or her partner dominates me at all, and there is no abusive or dominant element but now and again I think of myself as a cuckold but not in a bad way. I suppose my question was driven by some element of guilt from enjoying myself in a threesome situation which seems to be so outside typical moral values.

There are varying degrees of cuckolding.... It doesn't have to involve geniune humiliation, or abuse, or chastity.
 

Marcus

Well-known member
Equally does it matter?

Only if it matters to you. If you decide there is a cuckold element to your association and decide you care to identify as such then *poof*, you are a cuckold. If you don't find anything appealing about it and don't care to identify as such then *poof*, you are officially not a cuckold. Other people are entitled to their opinions and might not agree with the way you label (or don't label) yourself, but their opinions don't matter in the slightest.

It takes all kinds and fortunately there's room in the sandbox for all of us, so if you must use a label on yourself or your association then use one that you feel comfortable with and then let it go :)
 

zigzag

New member
Thanks for the replies, no so worried about the labels. just finding my way.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Hey zigzag,

Re (from OP):
"I was wondering what is the difference between me being the partner of a poly woman, and being a cuckold?"

I suppose there's a fuzzy line between "mono guy with a poly wife" and "cuckold." Indeed, "cuckold" can be thought of as a subset of "mono guy with a poly wife."

"Does it matter?"

Only if you're unhappy for some reason. There are happy cuckolds, you know. :)

Re (from Post #9):
"I suppose my question was driven by some element of guilt from enjoying myself in a threesome situation which seems to be so outside typical moral values."

Nothing wrong with enjoying a threesome in my moral code book! ;)

And thus and so are my belated replies. :cool:
Regards,
Kevin T.
 

ElkSun

New member
There is little to no difference practically speaking, insofar as the way most people perceive those in this situation, in my experience. You're seen as being cuckolded (in the derogatory sense), and you probably won't be able to break that stereotype. We can talk among ourselves about the semantics, but the practical persists. My approach of having 'no expectations' extends to society at large. Guys who are "sharing their woman" (I don't necessarily agree with the term "sharing", but it applies here in the context of conscious or unconscious perception of others) are generally considered somehow weak, beta, lesser, and nothing will change you being on the receiving end of that so long as you're a guy in a relationship with a poly woman, whether or not you have other partners.

I'm in a similar situation, although I'm not mono - I'm poly. There are even a lot of poly women who I think perceive (perhaps unconsciously) guys in poly relationships external to their own through a lens of the same emotional values that society views men who are cuckolds, though most would probably never admit it. I think there is something appealing on a primal level about being with a guy who isn't "sharing his woman" (unless it's a poly woman looking at her own preexisting relationships - of course she'll feel it's okay for her 'other' to 'share' her with her 'other other' - for her sake). I think that's one reason a lot of poly men who are already in a relationship have trouble finding a new poly woman for a long-term relationship (let alone a monogamous woman) - the stigma silently extends into many poly women's perception of men as well. Most poly women I come across (especially the younger or less mature) are far more interested in finding single men.

But hey, I've been wrong before. Hopefully reality will prove me wrong! So far my bit of cynicism seems pretty grounded in reality through four years of polyamory, and plenty of interaction with people in my area.
 
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elle

New member
I guess cause I never really knew the definition, I never even thought of cuckold, but your relationship sounds similar to mine and my girls. She currently has an OSO, where as I am mono. I tell her all the time that I want her to be happy, and that's why I agreed to letting her see her OSO when she brought it up that she would like to get to know him better. He's a good guy, was a good friend before the whole thing, and we see ourselves as essentially brothers and a weird, close family. We look out for each other (he's currently under the weather and I snapped 5 pictures of our girl for him since he can't come see her, as well as we have each other's backs in life), we worry about each other and how we're making the other feel. If this is the same as you, I don't see it as cuckold, just a caring SO.

:) Warm fuzzy.

The most important thing is not to worry about it. (I did, very much) Labels don't matter as long as everyone is happy!

Labels don't matter! Always important to recognize. Authentic matters.

Neither my wife or her partner dominates me at all, and there is no abusive or dominant element but now and again I think of myself as a cuckold but not in a bad way. I suppose my question was driven by some element of guilt from enjoying myself in a threesome situation which seems to be so outside typical moral values.

My husband wonders the same thing too, sometimes. On the one hand, behaviors I enjoy engaging in completely turn him on (he's finally able to express that he is a voyeur, or would like to explore that) and then, on the other hand, it's ain't too traditional! :p
 

dreaming

New member
It sounds to me like this may be more of a "HotWife" situation. You love your wife and want nothing but her happiness. Her BF is respectable and wants to please her, sometimes in front of you, sometimes just them by themselves.
If this is the case but you like to hear the details, then this may be a "HotWife" situation.


I'm sure you can google this and find out more information about Hotwifing than I can offer.
Other than that I don't see why all three together or some form of that would be out of the question,(Poly, Cuckold, Hotwife) that's the problem with labels.

(Feeling guilt from a 3-way situation is something entirely different) This might be the root of your feelings and wanting to place a label on it. That could be a topic all by itself.
 
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