Double standard


I have sought advice from these threads before and hope someone can get through to me. I could really use some help here. Either help or a good hard kick in the arse... I would prefer the help though because I have been doing a lot of self arse kicking and it doesn’t seem to be doing any good. I think I'm 'kicking' the wrong place...

Here is the short version... More background follows, it is all relevant and I imagine provides insight but I figured few people would want to wade through it... It was cathartic for me to write it all out though and maybe, just maybe by reading about my struggles someone may be able to avoid the pain I have gone through...

*MY problem* is that I am acting like a hypocrite…. I despise double standards yet I am the epitome of that kind of hypocrite. I see this in myself and am struggling fiercely trying to rid my life and relationship of it. I ashamedly can not seem to get past an obvious double standard I am aware of but for the life of me cant seem to reason it away. Confidants have said it is because I am a ‘male’…. That statement is unacceptable to me. I don't want to be like this and I don't like it. My behavior is very upsetting to me and I am embarrassed and ashamed that I can not ‘make it go away.’

I am divorced... twice. This was largely due to me needing something “more” than one relationship can offer. I believe I have finally accepted this about myself although what I seem to need is more of a physical “more” than an additional emotional relationship. Cheating and lying destroyed my marriages and I vowed I would not deceive anyone again.

My significant other (we have been emotionally and sexually together for about a year and a half), M, has been understanding, patient and gracious. We have tons of fun together and both of us have blissfully, joyously agreed that we are having the best sex (with each other) than we have ever experienced with anyone... By far!

I have two m/f couples that I (sheepishly...) enjoy getting together with every month or so for "playtime" as we called our afternoons (3 or4 hours) of threesome purely sexual fun. I also have a longtime (13 years) female friend, C, who became a “friend and more” 7 months ago. I have always admired C and we agreed to try adding a physical aspect to our friendship on a “trial” basis to see if it “worked” for both of us. C is aware of my struggles with M and agreed to “help” me be more comfortable with my dilemma by association (if that’s the right word), meaning friendship with sex so I can hopefully be more comfortable with M’s relationships. I have sought advice about C from this site because she has other boyfriends that did not know about each other or me… I have since stopped being physical with her once I found out her others did not know about me. She also has two great kids that I really enjoy spending time with. C and I see each other every other week or so and hang out with the kids. She wants to continue the physical part of our relationship (I do too..) but knows I will not be part of that deception and accepts it. I try to help her see what deception can do to peoples lives but somehow she manages to justify “non-disclosure” to herself.

Although I absolutely believe in the principle “What’s good for the goose, is good for the gander"... I can't seem to internalize it. Or in my case; 'What's good for the gander should be good for the goose too'.

My angst is that my significant other, M, and I are trying to have an open relationship, monogomy hasn't worked real well in the past BUT I have feelings of severe anxiety (that’s the closest I can do to identify what happens) when she tells me she: 1-Has met someone of interest. 2-and again when she has scheduled a 'date'. 3- Then for a day or so before the actual date straight through until a day or so after the date.

I hate this feeling, it twists my guts in a knot, I don't feel like eating, I feel the need to distance' myself from her because ridiculous, spiteful remarks are on the tip of my tounge that I DO NOT WANT to say. These feelings generally go away once there is “distance” between her “interludes”. M knows I react like this and 'understands' I’m not doing it TO discourage her from her relationships, but she is discouraged that I have these reactions. I fully acknowledge I have no right, nor will I stand between her relationships but I am far, far from so called compersion. So very strangely I do not feel this way about C and her boyfriends… I totally accept I am a small part of C’s life and I am perfectly fine with that. I have none of the anxious feelings with C. In fact I do truly want her to be happy in whatever she does. However, if C left my life, although I would miss her, I would not be devastated as I would be for the loss of M.

M, on the other hand claims to truly feel joy and is happy knowing I have 'friends' that give me pleasure. I despise double standards yet I am the epitome of that kind of hypocrite. I see this in myself and am struggling fiercely trying to rid my life and relationship of it.

We both haven’t done well with traditional relationships and thought this might work for us. I 'introduced' her to having simultaneous relationships and she has found what real honest communication is like and is, in her words 'experiencing what an actual sex life is'.

I don't think we are polyamorists, but we have 'friendships', some sexual- outside of our relationship.
MY struggle is that I still get almost incapacitated with fear of abandonment and its nasty attributes as well as huge inner conflict of 'ganderism' wishing she would only want me while at the same time accepting within myself that I seem to 'need' aspects of relationships outside what M and I share. I fully recognize how horribly hypocritical this is... I see the double standard plain as day but I can NOT rationalize it away! Please help...

*Believe it or not, that is the short version.*

If you want to know more, ask and I will post the rest. It is relevent but Im long winded and these threads have a limit! Again, MY struggle is that I still get almost incapacitated with fear of abandonment and its nasty attributes as well as huge inner conflict of 'ganderism' wishing she would only want me while at the same accepting within myself that I seem to 'need' aspects of relationships outside what M and I share. I fully recognize how horribly hypocritical this is... I see the double standard plain as day but I can NOT rationalize it away! Please help...
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It sounds to me like you have some sort of sense of ownership or possessiveness with M that you don't have with the other women in your life. Perhaps because you view her as primary, on some level you feel that there is some kind of "right" you have that others shouldn't. This could be a very old, familiar pattern of relating that you might be carrying around with you. If you think about it, does the dynamic of your relationship feel similar to any others in your past, even from childhood, where you felt allegiance to someone and then they didn't seem as faithful to you as you were to them? Because there is some association you are making here, that her having other lovers is a threat to you somehow.

Anxiety is usually accompanied by a heaviness in the chest, and irrational fears. There's a book called Mental Health through Will Training by Dr. Abraham Low (he started Recovery, Inc.). He wrote about how to deal with anxiety and irrational fears by doing the following: change our insecure thoughts to secure thoughts, move our muscles to overcome the defeatist babble of the brain, do not attach danger to the symptoms, bear discomfort in order to gain comfort, and endorse yourself for your efforts no matter the outcome. In other words, when you're feeling this way, go out, take a walk, do something physical, and focus on thoughts that make you feel secure. Know you will get through it, and acknowledge yourself for facing it, even if you feel like you're flailing, or failing.

One thing that helps me when I get jealous or possessive is that I remember that loving someone means I want them to be free and happy, and that they deserve all the love they find, not just mine. Reminding myself of that is tremendously helpful.


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It sounds to me like you have some sort of sense of ownership or possessiveness with M that you don't have with the other women in your life.
I actually don't know if this is entirely true. It could be, but perhaps not. I suffer from what you are talking about islandgy9 and it has nothing to do with ownership and possessiveness. I don't know if you are like me or not, but let me explain and you can tell me. I have huge abandonment issues that I find I have little to no release from in some of my relationships where my partner has other loves or starts dating new people. I am beside myself with anxiety, can't eat, lash out, everyone around me becomes a target. It isn't fair, I hate myself, I hate what I say, that I have no control and that I can't feel compersion for them as much as I try. It's completely irrational.

No offense here NYCindie :) but I was told that I am possessive and have a sense of ownership and that just made me more angry and hurt. I didn't. I didn't feel I owned anyone or was possessive, just deeply hurt on a level that went far beyond the moment and situation.... I like to flip ownership and possessiveness on its ass and look at it with compassion and consideration for the person acting that way (not that you weren't NYC! you were! I see that). It is a behaviour that comes from somewhere. There always seems to be something behind it that is not identified when someone is told they are being possessive and taking ownership.

I wish I had an answer for you that is more specific, but really all I did and do is keep walking through it. I see it as a form of jealousy and to me jealousy is a fear of the unknown and an indication of deeper issues. I work on the issues and ask my partners to give me tons of attention and reminders that they are not going anywhere... what made it difficult for me is that one of my partners sucks at this. He gets completely overwhelmed by NRE and is not a mulit-tasker. He neglects just about everything in his life when he is in love... which, in turn, makes me feel more abandoned than ever. Keep talking, keep walking and maybe get some help with the deeper issues that come up. If you scratch beneath the surface and see what's there, what do you find? (you don't have to answer that here, but it is a possible question to ask yourself)


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I'm with RP on this one. I think the fear of abandonment is often misinterpreted or perceived as possessiveness and control issues. In your case I think there is only one way to get past that....dive into those waters.

There is only one way to develop confidence that you will not be abandoned and that is to actually "not be abandoned". You can't hypothesis some things in have to experience them in reality. It's similar to how me and Redpepper's husband dragged our heels about moving in together. We went over and over it in our minds truing to figure out how it would be. Eventually we just had to throw our hands up and say fuck it, we're doing this and see what happens". Through actual experience and not hypothesis we found out it works really well!

Take the plunge my friend...keep a lid on things but tell your partner that you sometimes worry you will speak out of turn or say sharp comments. Let her know what is going on for you so she is not paranoid or holding back. You both want this type of freedom...just dive's the only way to know for sure.


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Hullo and sorry to hear you are struggling!

One thing that keeps on coming up in your post is that not only are you feeling insecure and fear abandonment - you are mentally beating yourself up over those feelings, which adds to your feelings of anxiety and inferiority.

Take a deep breath. There is nothing evil in having feelings. Really, it IS okay to feel what you are feeling. Jealousy is not something that you are or that defines your emotional existence now and forever more. It is a fleeting emotion - the more you obsess over it, the more power it will gain over you.

You are okay. What you are feeling is okay.

Onwards! There is a lot of help available for dealing with jealousy. If I understood your post correctly, you are afraid that once you allow M the freedom to meet others, she will find someone she likes better than you and abandon you to start dating this new magical person exclusively?

Now why should she do that?


Active member
I left a word out of my post. It should have read: "you might have some sort of sense of ownership or possessiveness..."

Perhaps this is a case of people interpreting words differently. I did not mean to imply that this was a bad thing, either. I mean, we're all possessive about some things and, it might not be a possessiveness about M as a person but about the OP's place (position) in her life. I suggested that as simply a possibility to look at. It seems the OP feels somehow threatened more by M's paramours than by those of his other loves, and so in some way his relationship with M is set apart from his others, significant in some way. It could be a possessiveness, or a feeling that he should come first, be considered first, etc.

It is also possible that the fear is based on a protectiveness about not wanting to see her get hurt. Fear of being abandonment is a big one, but that I think is also very much entwined in possessive feelings.

Either way, I think it would be good to ask himself, what it is about that relationship that makes her other involvements more anxiety-provoking? Something being taken away? Some feeling of loss of control? A possibility of being replaced by one of her other lovers?

Does this situation remind you of old doubts, fears, insecurities which you are just projecting onto this relationship? It is possible the struggles you go through have nothing to do with M in the present, but could be the result of old patterns of behaving and relating from the past, that you carry into relationships. We all do this from time to time.
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double standard

hi C...rubyslippers as in...everything you really need in life, you find in your own I always cry when the flying monkeys are coming to tear Dorothy and Toto apart in The Wizard Of Oz...XXOO ps in case you're wondering, M here...


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double standard's M here...

Hi you all, i have taken the name rubyslippers for the posted reason...islandgy9 is a wonderful man who has learned deep lessons about the harm deception itself does...even more than a perceived his marriages. I know his ex and she is lovely elegant and a real beauty inside AND out. It seems he has come to realize on the deepest level, just how she felt after their breakup...during our time together the past year and a half.
Last eve we talked...I told him that by extension, I feel connected in a good way, with his Others...both C, elegant lovely and kind, and his couples friends whom I have never met. Because they care for him, I care for them, even those I have not met.


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.."when will you realize...Vienna waits for you--Billy Joel

One of the first men to respond to us as a couple when islandgy9 said if i was comfortable we could venture forth to a three...was j...he is still a part of my life. I had been the everfaithful monogamous GF throughout my life, a classic serial monogamist, and never left one man for another...I would leave for my own sanity... and this, inviting a new man into our relationship was a new thing for me...a friend on the East Coast long ago confided he and his wife were swingers, and until islandgy9, that was the only brief glimpse i had of a world beneath the funny and obtuse, i am 50:rolleyes:


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man who has learned deep lessons about the harm deception itself does...even more than a perceived his marriages.......It seems he has come to realize on the deepest level, just how she felt after their breakup...during our time together the past year and a half.
This was what I was also wondering. What has come up as a result of having cheated? What realizations about what you did have changed in you since experiencing your love going out and sleeping with other men?
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Thanks for your thoughts and advice.
NYCindie- It may be possessiveness but Im not sure, perhaps it is in some ways... M is the most giving person I know and often literally "gives" things she loves/cares for away because she wants the receiver to experience the joy she gets from it. However even she has admitted there are some things in her life that she wants all to herself, and she is most definitly not a possessive person. She laughs a beautiful laugh when she says it makes her happy to think my others give me pleasure, the thought of me being me. The thought of me being happy in whatever capacity makes her happy. Amazing... I'm not worthy of this... but I strive to be.
I didnt mention this in my post because I would rather adress a current issue with current "tools", and frankly Im tired of it re-surfacing as a "possible" reason whereas the "reason" for a problem is not the solution to the problem from a behavoralist point of view... A "reason" can become an excuse, and an excuse is worthless. However, yes, allegence was violated long ago when I was a child when I found my mother on two occassions after suicide attempts. Be that as it may, possibly identifing the source of abandonment issues does little to solve the problem.
I will look into your thoughts and Dr. Low's book. I could use some arrows in my quiver to combat this. Thank you.
RedPepper- Your compassion and oppenness continues to awe me. I dont feel quite so much like a jerk for my loathed athough similar irrational reactions knowing that even you have experienced them. I wish you success in freeing yourself from them and I appreciate your input very much.
Mono- I have been trying to "accept through exposure" and although sickeningly painfull at times, I have endured. I havn't spontaniously combusted yet and I daresay it is the only thing that has made these times aproaching tollerable. That and M's incredible gentleness twords me even when it took everything I had not to be a raging idiot. She does not flaunt her happiness with her others, and never has resorted to an absolutly justifiable retort of "YOU ARE DOING THE SAME THING!!!" of which she would be absolutly justified and accurate in saying. Ill heed your advice and keep jumping.
Thanks for your thoughts.


Redpepper.... It was I that "slept" with other men.. and women.. together as in couples. I was drawn to having sex with mf couples. My wife knew I was bi (as I describe it-'to a degree' further explanation of that aspect of 'me' is I view a male member.. ie. a cock as something akin to a really big nipple! fun and responsive to play with... anyway, I digress) but I prommised her I would not act on my bi "interests". I thought I could ignore that aspect of myself... I was wrong.
Clinical nutshell; Mother and father fought, I was always trying to make them happy/please them.
as a young adult I had/have a 11% propensity twords guys, bisexuality "runs" in my family, my oldest sister prefers women.
Mom tried to "abandon"/kill herself when we were young.
I found having sex with couples satisfied several areas in my life albeit in twisted ways.
Bi having sex with a mf couple PARTICULARLY a husband and wife AND satisfying them I transfered my yearning to make (my...) parrents happy... told yo it was twisted.
By pleasing the woman part of the couple in particular and "keeping" her happy, I transfered that to making my mother happy so she would not want to "go away" ie leave me, ie. kill herself ie. go away...
Told you it was twisted.... but then... this is all speculation on my part.
When I was outed to my wife and I had the above apifany, her respense was, ; I DONT BUY IT...


Active member
Be that as it may, possibly identifing the source of abandonment issues does little to solve the problem.
Well, regarding looking at the past and the patterns we carry with us -- the "solving" comes from just knowing where it possibly came from, which helps to see the current situation more clearly. Knowing we have a predisposition toward a certain type of reaction helps us gain objectivity and to be able to say, "Hey, this situation today is not the same as the situation from the past. I don't have to react the same way." We can start to see things for what they are instead of through the lens of our past experiences. Determining where patterns originated simply gives us more awareness and more choices, and is often enough to set us free.


I agree it helps nycindie. But do we really know what is "identified" is the true reason for the issue? No real way of telling, is there? Im not being synical, just saying...


For what its worth, here is the rest of the orriginal posted tread Double Standard, it might give some background for what its worth.
If you want to know more, here it is
More about me. One way that seems accurate to me when differentiating between what I want with my others and what M wants is: 'I am seeking relations with others (I enjoy experiencing the physical, carnal side of people, while M enjoys cultivating a relationship. Big difference I think... But then there is C… so that blows that theory out of the water… I seem to be most content with having a very close primary emotional/love relationship with one woman (M) and “playing” with two different mf couple “sexual friends” once a month or so for a few hours. I don’t feel emotionally close to either couple although one of the couples I have been ‘playing’ with for about 7 years. We are sexually compatible and are more playmates than close friends. Both couples have bi male counterparts of which I enjoy as well as the female half. M knows about these couples and actually encourages me to “be me” and enjoy them, she is amazing.
However, before I was aware C’s others did not know about me I started having love feelings for C (yes, possibly NRE as suggested by some people on this site, but I don’t think so) while also loving M. With all respect to those who are capable of loving more than one, I personally found by caring deeply for two women at the same time absolutely made it impossible FOR ME to love either of them “fully”. I could not give either one my ‘all’ and I found that to be very, very sad. FOR ME, not being able to give my all ultimately lacked the incomparible fulfillment loving only one fully brings me... I don’t understand how giving your all to more than one is even possible. Granted, I have very limited experience. I admire those who claim they can. I hope my inability does not offend anyone here.
About M: from a young age M remembers never wanting to get married, thinking the concept too confining. She had a hyper work ethic for years and at times had 3 jobs going at once, going from one to another then to the other after that. Not much social life for years. She found a ‘true’ love in college but 'the timing wasn't right' and it ended when he 'pushed' her away because he became sick and didn't want to burden her. She had boyfriends since then (we are both 49) but never wanted a live in type arrangement. About 8 years ago she was 'traumatized' on the job by her 'superiors' and has been clinically diagnosed with PTSD due to the harshness of her treatment in that male dominated field.
When I met her and started hanging out with her she was a self described recluse with her dogs. Perhaps she was just simply ready to get back into' life when I came into the picture. I knew she was a different kind of person, but I admire independence. I just need some pointers on how I can adapt.
We were just hanging out together watching silly TV shows and playing with her dogs. At the time I was in a bizarre online relationship that had red flags written all over it. M helped me see that. I told her all about myself as my newfound need for total disclosure was burning to be released... She didn't run away screaming which definitely endeared her to me. She knows more about me, everything actually, than anybody. She became interested in knowing more about the 'swinging' experiences I had, and actually critiqued a profile I had on a swinger’s site. She even took some 'R' rated pictures of me because she didn’t like the photos I had of myself on the swing site.
After some time spent talking about threesomes and getting more comfortable together M and I became intimate sexually.
We created a profile on a swinger’s site and were promptly inundated with responses. I was overwhelmed and asked M to sift through the responses and find a suitable candidate. I assumed M would pick a guy based on appearance and relative intelligence ... WRONG!!! To my shocked and surprised 'horror' M wanted to 'get to know these guys/wolves (sorry, but some are exactly that) with involved witty dialogs online. I told her it could be ‘Pandora’s box’. I believe opening yourself emotionally, intimately and sexually with people independently and apart from your significant other as she has found she likes to do can’t help but to invite all of the characteristics that cultivate the unrestricted likelihood of a separate and apart love relationship in place of the primary relationship.... I suppose some of you are saying "EXACTLY!!! That’s the point!" Well,... I don’t want to loose her to someone else and I would not be happy (selfish I suppose) if because she opened herself to others, independent and apart love happened. Then to my ultimate concern, she became defensive and 'offended' when I asked her to forward her conversations with these guys to me so I could 'be in the loop' so to speak. I thought we agreed that all our communications were going to be 'transparent' ... Boy was I wrong... That was the beginning of the struggle.
She developed an online 'kindred ship' as she called it, with one of the swing site guys as well as steady private correspondences with several others. We had an initial 'meet and greet' with ‘J’, her special friend and I didn't like him. He didn't let her finish what she was saying during our conversation and interrupted her several times mid sentence to interject something irrelevant, I actually stood up from the table and said ' I've had enough, let's go'... Wrong again... M and I had a 'private ' meeting in the lobby and I asked her to 'rate' him from 1 - 10. She picked 8 I picked 5. After I said 5 she spoke up and said she didn't want to seem overanxious but was really thinking he was a 10... I nearly fell over. She was enamored. We did not hook up that night after much debating. After a few days I relented and agreed to invite him over to my place (M and I do not live together) so the three of us could try again. Things went better but as it turned out J was not really BI like he said he was. No big deal, this was about M's first threesome and I was willing to go with the flow. I felt comfortable enough leaving them so they could enjoy each other alone for awhile. Overall things went ok. A couple of weeks later M 'TOLD' me she was driving (J lives about 60 miles from our town) up to have coffee and maybe sex with J. That just about knocked me flat. Off she went and had coffeesex as we now call it. That was about 16 months ago. She still 'just enjoys' him as she puts it. I have tried to accept her visits as though she is visiting a beautiful garden where she smells the flowers and rambles around for awhile then comes 'home'. I’ve gotten used to the butterflies... No, pterodactyls that bang around in my stomach when she leaves, or he goes to her place. The last two times they spent the night together, at his request. They are not interested in having another threesome with me. Kinda doesn't suck.. Er rather no sucking for me... Couldn't resist the pun!
Since then M became re-involved with a previous boyfriend and for months was mostly splitting her time between 'D' and me. I was having issues with the lack of time I had with her, but tried very hard to think differently and accept openness. Those were troubled months. M was the hinge in the ‘V’. Eventually D wanted M all to himself. He basically accepted me but was intolerant of J and M's “cultivations” online. They parted ways with a lot of pain and sadness on both sides.
Since then M has continued to see J every other month or so and has cultivated several 'friendships' online and texting with some phone calls through her own profile she independently posted on the swinger site. She has met with two of these online friends each on one occasion. She did not have sex with them and continues to communicate privately with them and says she may be physical with them in the future.
In efforts on my part to 'accept through exposure".... When she almost canceled a much looked forward to first time meeting with one of them I fought back the raging pterodactyls and offered to take care of her dogs and I rented a car for her to drive 150 miles to visit him. "He" tried to rent a car to visit her but was unable to obtain one. My guts were in a knot for a week before.
We dismantled our joint profile on the swing site long ago. I actually became aware of M's private profile when I was showing a vertical couple friend the swinger site. I nearly fell off my chair when I saw the picture I took of M in the single woman category. She told me she was working on a personal profile but I didn’t know it was up and running. Ouch...
Other than the profile bomb drop, M has been completely honest and open. She says she is grateful to me for introducing a new way of being for her that is what she believes she's always hoped was possible. I know she cares for me very much and she says she has never been able to spend more than a few hours in someone else’s company until me which is comforting.
Again, MY struggle is that I still get almost incapacitated with fear of abandonment and its nasty attributes as well as huge inner conflict of 'ganderism' wishing she would only want me while at the same accepting within myself that I seem to 'need' aspects of relationships outside what M and I share. I fully recognize how horribly hypocritical this is... I see the double standard plain as day but I can NOT rationalize it away! Please help...


Redpepper …. I think I totally misunderstood your comment….oops..
What I have realized is that so far my trying to rationalize my irrationality with reason isn’t working… I will apply the tools you all have given me and with any luck M (rubbyslippers) wont throw me overboard…. By the way rubbyslippers, thanks for the kind words.
Which reminds me of an analogy that I am trying to keeping mind.
I picture M’s and my relationship as A beautiful sailboat that we both built and live in together in a beautiful harbor. Now and again we both like to take the dingy out and explore the harbor, sometimes together and sometimes alone. I like the idea and I’m pretty comfortable that I can mind the boat while M takes a row around the harbor and experiences new things even visiting other boats in the harbor. I would like to do the same from time to time. I know living on a boat can get a bit confining at times.
When I told M about this analogy she liked the dingy idea but preferred to think of our relationship as two boats tied up together as opposed to living on one boat. I need to keep that in mind…


New member

Hey Islandgy,

Would it be helpful if I said Rome wasn't built in a day ?
Because really, it may be that simple.
We can't overcome 18 to 50 years of society's programming in a few months. Maybe even years. But we CAN do it.
In other words, it's ingrained in us at this point to feel that we have 'rights' to own something special - something that's all OURS. Reserved. It takes time to fully embrace the fact that other human beings are NOT on that list !
At an intellectual level we can understand this. At a practical and emotional level it's not so easy. It takes retraining !
Grab yourself a mantra and repeat it endlessly until it sticks. Something like "this person is a free soul - my place is to support this freedom".
Be patient with yourself but don't let yourself off the hook. Keep kicking when you deserve it.
Time is the solution............and genuine effort. No rocket science required.



New member
Hi GS...humans don't fall under ownership dogs....i have three and they came into my life as rescues...they own my heart and soul and allegiance...and really, each "saved me" a different part of me, when they entered my life at disparate times...people said I rescued them when the opposite was true. islandgy9 is a bright and shiny one, in the words of an artist who is a mutual friend...i like to share what I like best...although there are some things I own, like a pair of carved little stone dinosaurs, a green Triceratops and a pink Tyrannosaurus Rex, which I told him I'd put away before niece and nephew came to visit...because if they admired them or wanted them, I'd give them away...i like these so much I won't find another pair like them. islandgy9 pointed this out to me.
precoffee babble here...forgive syntax spelling etc. time to feed the hungry horde...P, HG and little B...Ground beef in broth and Canidae Super Platinum...yum...oh, and string beans. They love string beans except for the Border Collie mix, she likes carrots...


This was what I was also wondering. What has come up as a result of having cheated. What realizations about what you did have changed in you since experiencing your love going out and sleeping with other men?

Redpepper - If i understand your question correctly, ( I don't think I am though..) this would have to be my answer. * **
After my wife told me to get out and that she was divorcing me, she said she hoped someday someone would do the same thing to me so I would know the pain she was feeling... *Even though I thought I could deal with sharing my love with another man this agonizing feeling happened. I can only begin to think of what it was like for my ex... Because she didnt invite it, she was not given the opprotunity to choose weather it was ok with her (I knew it would not be, she made it clear before we married) is that an answer you expected?*