Embarrassing problem.

[TheBlackSwede]

So, as I said in a previous post, lately things have been great between my wife and I - especially sexually. I recently registered for okcupid.com (AMAZING site, btw), and have been in contact with a few women from there. I met one for coffee, we got along very well, definitely had some chemistry, even kissed a little, and decided to meet again last night for dinner and drinks. After a very fun evening, we returned to my place, where my wife had VERY generously given up the bed and was wrapped in a giant pile of comforter on the floor in our son's room.

Well, we ended up having lots of fun and pleasure, but I couldn't maintain an erection! I'd be fine, and then immediately following entry, nope... I never seem to have this problem with my wife, certainly not to this extent - there are sometimes periods of softening after rough parts while I catch my breath, but not like this... and didn't really with previous lovers, except that one time in college when I was WAY too drunk... I'm sure it was all in my head, probably something to do with my wife right in the next room, but dammit, what the hell!? Beautiful sexy woman? Check. Into each other? Check. Naked and in bed? Check. Comfortable with each other? Check. Foreplay? CHECK!

So, we had fun anyways, which is ultimately the important part... More oral, and with some self-stimulation on my part, I managed to finish (which I could tell she wanted), and so eventually she went home, at which point my wife came back to bed, all hot and bothered and said, "my turn". Strangely, practically all issues immediately evaporated, even though it was an encore performance.

I sure hope I'm not the only this has happened to (not that I would wish this awkardness on anyone else). Any advice on losing those kind of jitters? Should I just say eff it and get some Cialis?

 

[MonoVCPHG]

So, as I said in a previous post, lately things have been great between my wife and I - especially sexually. I recently registered for okcupid.com (AMAZING site, btw), and have been in contact with a few women from there. I met one for coffee, we got along very well, definitely had some chemistry, even kissed a little, and decided to meet again last night for dinner and drinks. After a very fun evening, we returned to my place, where my wife had VERY generously given up the bed and was wrapped in a giant pile of comforter on the floor in our son's room.

Well, we ended up having lots of fun and pleasure, but I couldn't maintain an erection! I'd be fine, and then immediately following entry, nope... I never seem to have this problem with my wife, certainly not to this extent - there are sometimes periods of softening after rough parts while I catch my breath, but not like this... and didn't really with previous lovers, except that one time in college when I was WAY too drunk... I'm sure it was all in my head, probably something to do with my wife right in the next room, but dammit, what the hell!? Beautiful sexy woman? Check. Into each other? Check. Naked and in bed? Check. Comfortable with each other? Check. Foreplay? CHECK!

So, we had fun anyways, which is ultimately the important part... More oral, and with some self-stimulation on my part, I managed to finish (which I could tell she wanted), and so eventually she went home, at which point my wife came back to bed, all hot and bothered and said, "my turn". Strangely, practically all issues immediately evaporated, even though it was an encore performance.

I sure hope I'm not the only this has happened to (not that I would wish this awkardness on anyone else). Any advice on losing those kind of jitters? Should I just say eff it and get some Cialis?

For me it is called "connection before erection". I couldbarely get one with some one I don't have a real connection with. It will probably be better with more time and getting to know her.

Don't go artificial, your working fine. If you need pills to get excited enough for sex when everything is good, perhaps that is a message.

 

[redpepper]

please don't take drugs for that... geesh... there might be something going on psychologically for you and that really needs to be worked out if you are going to continue bringing women home... ask some questions of yourself. Do you really think that your actions with this were appropriate? regardless of what your wife thought? Was it too rushed for you to build any connection before getting it on emotionally, not just physically?

There is really nothing wrong with you other than you learned something about your self... your body told you something. Now figure out in words what it was saying. Don't add any cultural stuff in there, or what others think, what do YOU think? What was going on for YOU?

I think far too often people get caught up in being horny to actually listen and learn from themselves and the messages our body and unconscious mind tells us.

 

[polytriad]

Don't Be

This was all just in your head...I've found that some of the interactions I've had with women that are not my wife can be both downers and uppers. Feeling uncomfortable or some subconscious guilt may be there issue here.

I had a friend that would have sex with other women and could not keep it up for the life of him but would go home to his girl and it would be fine....now..mind you he was cheating so that more of a blow to his conscious...but same concept regarding think of your wife in the next room....

@ redpepper- Pills dont work if you have subconscious things going on anyway...My friend found that out the hard way...took some for the reason above went all day between a few of his "sides" couldnt get and keep it up...went home in the evening got up and stayed up until the next day at work..almost had to go to the doc...

 

[TheBlackSwede]

Well... there's another element to the equation, of a geometrical variety. She does kinda have a teeny-tiny-vaginy, not something I'm totally used to, and I'm not on the small side myself. If I started to go soft with my wife, I could thrust a few times, blood would start flowing again and all would be well. With this new woman, if I'm not rock solid, there's just no way I can stay in there. Condoms are a turnoff too, but certainly not the main culprit here by any means.

As for how I feel about it... She turns me on, I like her, we make each other laugh, there's definitely chemistry, and a connection. Not like the connection I have with my wife, but I honestly don't think I'm going to feel that with another human being ever, nor do I want to - that's its own special thing, and I'm absolutely ok with anything else being icing on the proverbial cake. If I thought I was doing something wrong, I wouldn't be doing it. Maybe I felt bad because my wife was alone, on the floor, in the other room, and I didn't want her to feel like she'd been pushed aside. If she had been, I dunno, at work or in bed with us, even if she wasn't partaking, maybe it'd have been a whole different equation.

 

[Fidelia]

There is really nothing wrong with you other than you learned something about your self... your body told you something. Now figure out in words what it was saying. Don't add any cultural stuff in there, or what others think, what do YOU think? What was going on for YOU?

What she said.

 

[TheBlackSwede]

What she said.

I tend to find myself thinking that a lot when I read Red Pepper's posts.

 

[Ariakas]

It happens, don't over think it. My first time away from my wife was nerves, fear etc. It eventually works its way out. If it continuously happens there may be a problem.

Other than that, the best cure is practice

 

[redpepper]

Well... there's another element to the equation, of a geometrical variety.

Well, there is something to say in that... I know where you are coming from.

When I have been in similar situations, and the boundary between flirting and sex is broken, I sometimes have looked at the person and felt that sense of "oh my this isn't what my mind was saying about the situation."

There is a cross over sometimes that occurs and my body doesn't follow sometimes, especially as it also does a check in and often it considers the situation not as great as my head does. Most of the time it says,,, ya, noooo... but I plug away and find myself shut off or not reacting..

 

[TL4everu2]

This happened to me ONCE......But I had justification IMO. Me and the woman started going at it...and I looked down, and realized she was on her cycle! So....yeah....I went limp and was a non-performer for the rest of the night while my wife was shagging away in the next room. LOL Otherwise, this has never happened to me..... BUT, it HAS happened to other men with my wife. Of course, this was in our "swinging" days. We would get together with a hot couple, and I would get together with the other woman and be going to town....but the other guy would get together with my wife, and it was "failure to launch". This was COMMON on the first time we would get together with a couple. The second time and beyond, though, it was GAME ON and all systems GO for everyone involved. I would say it is just first time jitters combined with your wife in the other room.

 

[Passport]

All things being equal - if you're having problems, your brain is overriding the body in this situation - something's not right.

I find I can't orgasm if everything isn't right - my mental state has to be there.

I'm not male - but I would think that it's along the same lines...

 

[TL4everu2]

All things being equal - if you're having problems, your brain is overriding the body in this situation - something's not right.

I find I can't orgasm if everything isn't right - my mental state has to be there.

I'm not male - but I would think that it's along the same lines...

I would agree to this. My last girlfriend was the same way. She couldn't orgasm if she was at all uncomfortable.

 

[rpcrazy]

your brain controls your erection...if you're not fully there you won't get one.

You can either be
1. too excited
2. too scared
3. too weirded
4. all of the above.

I mean dude, i would be too...new girl and you're like, "holy shit...i'm going to have sex with another women...WHAT THE F***!" it happens :/ Next time, get to know her a little bit better, that's what i say

 

[TheBlackSwede]

It's not like I met her that night... we met on Saturday, had coffee and talked for about 2 hours, then kissed a bit. Then we chatted later that night, and again on Sunday. Monday night, we met at 8, had dinner, drinks etc, and didn't skedaddle until 1. I don't think it's a lack of getting to know her that's the problem...

Could definitely be first-time jitters, plus the wife being in the next room and all. She's dropping by this afternoon while the wife is away, so we'll see how that works out...

 

[polytriad]

Could definitely be first-time jitters, plus the wife being in the next room and all. She's dropping by this afternoon while the wife is away, so we'll see how that works out...

Yes this is more then likely what it is....Wife being physically gone may help but she will still be with you mentally.

 

[TheBlackSwede]

Well crap. Today, things started out promising, and then as soon as it came time for entry, softness. Hard again later on, and then I lost it again. Still had fun, still like the lady, think she still likes me, but I'm getting the feeling it's just not workin'.

 

[Passport]

Sounds to me like your subconsious is telling you this is not right in some way.

 

[TheBlackSwede]

Sounds to me like your subconsious is telling you this is not right in some way.

This could be, but HOW? Everything seems right to me, except for my ding dong not working...

 

[Passport]

I watched a friend of mine go through something similar. He couldn't get hard, couldn't stay hard, and couldn't finish if he could stay hard long enough.

It wasn't until the relationship was over that he saw what was wrong with it.

Sometimes you just can't see until you have some perspective.

 

[TheBlackSwede]

If I'm honest, this is seriously bumming me out. I actually feel a little emasculated, by my own man bits.

Maybe it's just not the right woman?