Insightful. Coming to the party late but one of my earlier open relationships resulted in me dating a hyper sexual lesbian (yes she called herself that at the time, even though she was with me). She became involved with another woman (who I had happened to be flirting with) who was also a lesbian.I doubt you'd ease them because they probably aren't "concerns" - they are issues around her identity and core beliefs about who she shares sex with. By extension, she is now fluid bonded with a man through KC. This is probably very uncomfortable for her as a lesbian.
I know about the books now but I didn't even consider it when we started out.Also, yes there are books about polyamory! Lots of them. You can also check the morethantwo website and practical polyamory online.
There is a book called More Than Two and another good one called Opening Up. Ideally both of you would read up on this. You're just flying blind, it sounds like, and hoping for the best, no matter the hurt and distance and pissy behavior, as you "go with the flow." I kind of agree with your coworker about growing some balls.
I spit my soup (thankfully back into my bowl) laughing at this. That was a good one!She said "this is supposed to be a two way street", meaning she would feel better if I was dating also. I told her this IS a two way street, I'm just parked right now. She responded "your so fucking corny" LOL, but she understands.
From the sound of it you have enough other stressors that being "polysaturated" with only one partner makes total sense. I tend to think of *everything* in my life as taking up various slots - spell slots if you've ever played D&D - and if I'm choosing to prioritize other things I don't necessarily have any for "finding new people", even on a casual basis. (Actually I should write about this more in my own blog...)