PolyinPractice
New member
This is in response to many, many posts I have seen lately. Here and other places. I dislike the idea of "exploring poly." To me, that makes one's "polyness" a distant entity; like those people who talk about "protecting their marriage," not "protecting the woman I care about." It's not the structure of the relationship that is most important to me; it's the people.
So, is poly "worth losing a marriage for?" Is it "something that you need to do now?" I'm lucky, in that I found the concept of poly before getting involved in a relationship. But if I were married? Yes, absolutely, being true to myself would be worth "losing" the relationship. Because what am I really losing? An empty structure? A person who claims to love me, but can't really handle who I am?
I understand, for those who come into self awareness of their poly side AFTER committing to a person, especially with kids involved, can have a very hard time. And, yes, you might have to suck up settling for someone who doesn't really understand you; at least for a while.
But that doesn't mean that poly is something that is somehow separate from the person. It's not about being poly; or, more specifically, LIVING poly that is important to me. It's being with someone gets me, and who I get. It's about being free to love and spend time with those that matter to me, without feeling guilty. I can't stop that, even though I could date less, or focus more time on one person.
/end rant.
So, is poly "worth losing a marriage for?" Is it "something that you need to do now?" I'm lucky, in that I found the concept of poly before getting involved in a relationship. But if I were married? Yes, absolutely, being true to myself would be worth "losing" the relationship. Because what am I really losing? An empty structure? A person who claims to love me, but can't really handle who I am?
I understand, for those who come into self awareness of their poly side AFTER committing to a person, especially with kids involved, can have a very hard time. And, yes, you might have to suck up settling for someone who doesn't really understand you; at least for a while.
But that doesn't mean that poly is something that is somehow separate from the person. It's not about being poly; or, more specifically, LIVING poly that is important to me. It's being with someone gets me, and who I get. It's about being free to love and spend time with those that matter to me, without feeling guilty. I can't stop that, even though I could date less, or focus more time on one person.
/end rant.