Feeling so lonely...

Nopella

New member
I live in CT and I have had ZERO luck connecting with anyone that is into Polyamory or the community (if there even is one). I have started dating this couple in Massachusetts, but the distance is rough and we don’t get much time together seeing as we all have our own lives and children. Does anybody have any advice on sites, places, anything where I can connect with others into the love style? Is anybody else here from CT???
 
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KC43

New member
How did you meet the couple you're dating?

My suggestions would be to check Facebook and Meetup.com for poly groups in your area. I would also suggest joining FetLife if you aren't already a member; while it is primarily about kink, there are polyamory groups on there where you can get advice, and some poly dating group where you might be able to connect with others in your area.

OKCupid is a frequently-recommended dating site for poly people. Personally, I haven't found it particularly useful, but then again I refuse to date people who live with other partners (yes, that makes me a hypocrite, since I'm married), and most of the poly people on OKC seem to have partners with whom they live.
 

Nopella

New member
Thank you.

I met the couple I am dating on POF. I have had many people tell me I should make a FetLife account. Maybe it’s fine I actually do that. I won’t pay for dating apps to OKC is a no go. Facebook hasn’t turned up Mitch at all. So thank you, I will try FetLife and Meetup.

-Amanda
 

icesong

Moderator
Staff member
I've used OKC for years without paying a dime for it, as have most of the people I know. That said, it's become significantly less useful lately, but ::shrug:: not much to LOSE there either.
 

zackteach

New member
Yes, OkCupid is free. There is an A-List premium feature that gets you some added perks, but it's completely optional. Without it, you still get full functionality - meaning you can fill out your profile, upload up to 10 pictures, search people effectively, and message back and forth without limits.

FetLife is also free, and it also has a premium feature that you don't have to pay for as well.

I feel your pain, by the way. I'm in Tulsa, Oklahoma area (kind've north eastern OK) and while I have found our poly groups on FB and Fet out here, as well as encountering some Poly people/couples on OkCupid, I haven't had anything work out. I've come close a couple times, but in the end, nothing. Either there isn't interest on one side or the other, or they're too far away, or they're not really looking.

So I have myself out there on these sites, and Tinder/Bumble as well (every once in awhile I see someone say they're poly on those), but yes it's frustrating. So many awesome people that just aren't poly and aren't open to it and it can feel like being poly is like shooting yourself in the foot because you end up being limited to such a small pool of potential people...

But hopefully we'll find someone(s) eventually. I suppose it's inevitable if we just keep at it long enough.
 

Valynn

Member
I live in NY on Long Island and I know that the NYC area has a pretty big poly presence. Try Open Love on FB and see if there is anything that may be helpful.
 

FallenAngelina

Well-known member
Yes, there's a thriving poly world in NYC. Poly Cocktails meets once a month down on the lower east side and is filled to bursting every time. The founder of this org is a great guy and usually attends. OKC s also a great resource in the NY metro area. Fetlife is swarming with poly people. It's not a dating site, but is a very social site and a great way to interact with people in a non-datey-pressure kind of way. There are several groups there with lots of active and lively poly discussion, which is a good way to meet people online and perhaps in person. You need not be kinky to participate, but you must be comfortable with the community's freak flags a'flyin. Anyone who lives within proximity of the NYC area has more potential partners than anyone else in the world, except Portland & Seattle, which rule the roost in poly possibilities.
 
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Nopella

New member
Thank you all so much!!

I really appreciate all the advice and recourses provided! I’m going to try out OKC again and see what happens, also all the links provided. I means a lot.


Thank you!
 

PolyNatural

Banned
I really appreciate all the advice and recourses provided! I’m going to try out OKC again and see what happens, also all the links provided. I means a lot.
Thank you!

Also know you're not alone. I'm in Calgary Canada and when I do a search for compatible poly people the nearest ones I'm interested in are either in Florida, California, or some other distant state, or overseas ... lol. I also found that the local MeetUp was more of a front for a swinger's club than truly poly.

I've taken to a strategy of doing a keyword search in the OKC questions for "open" and "casual" which brings up questions about whether or not they will accept an open or casual relationship. If they do, then there's hope they will understand what poly is about, and I've had some luck with that, but then struck-out for other compatibility reasons like religion, smoking, bla,bla,bla. The list goes on. At times, online dating is like dragging one's self through a thicket of barbed wire.
 
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