First time

newcrew

New member
Well I came to see a friend, an older man, he has been the love of my life since I was a teenager and he was my age back then. I travelled across the country for 2 weeks and the first night was incredibly amazing. Second night too. Third night also and then I started to realize he isn't ready for a relationship. I know he loves me but I feel like he isn't quite seeing that I am taking this up on top of my marriage and it's a lot of work being a wife and mom already. I need him to settle down.
I just about snapped because he was overwhelming me with stuff and talking the last few days, he has political views and stuff I won't get into and it's all good I don't mind it's actually just how I feel. I've been a bit sick and run down and home sick a little. We were also supposed to get a vehicle to go adventure and it's been postponed...so I'm a bit grumpy...
Any advice?
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Hi newcrew,

Sorry to hear that older man is not ready for a relationship. It seems that you have to decide if you want something lighter with him. Maybe you'd rather not associate with him at all. I'm sure your feelings are a bit torn on the subject. I do sympathize.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 

newcrew

New member
Did that

That's what I did I took a break then talked to him about it, I don't want to ruin it and sabotage, but sometimes i come across as negative. I want him to focus and offer something.
 

Shaya

New member
Hi Newcrew,

Is this your first poly experience? Is it his first poly experience? How supportive is your husband in this? What does he want from this relationship with you and what do you want?
 

newcrew

New member
Relationship

It is mine but we have been together before without my first/ex husband knowing. This time my new husband is ok with it but doesn't want to be involved. They are friends. My husband now is my age, injured and yet wonderful and we are happy to be together and he is happy with me but understands my needs for touch and intimacy are important. He's very supportive of my choice. The guy I'm dating is an older man and I'm happy with him too, he's across the country part of the year and very busy with his parents and stuff but I don't want to be together 24/7. We may end up having a child which I think would freak everyone out so a lot of my stress is about what other people think. Today I'm in bed writing music and it's nice to be in his world after 20 yrs. when I go home I think it will be challenging to stay myself because of his age and people's judgementalsm. So I think I end up trying to change him. And I want to be more accepting. He wants it all with me. He even loves my husband and respects him. I think my husband wants everything this has to offer as well because he wants to see me happy.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Sounds like your husband and the older man are both supportive of you, that's good to hear.
 

Shaya

New member
Sounds beautiful, Newcrew. Thanks for sharing.

Your original post asked for advice about slowing down the relationship you had with your new partner. I'm not sure there's anything to do other than talking it out with him, which I'm sure you've tried already. If he doesn't get it, or has radical political and world views as you alluded to that he is badgering you with, consider narcisism as a trait of his that he might be willing to work on.

Good luck, Newcrew.
 

newcrew

New member
Age

One of the challenges i have with likening older men is that there is an age difference. I'm up and down when I try to talk and I appreciate feedback because it helps me stay the course. Thanks.
 
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