FMF v. MFM disparity?

swirl

New member
finally

Hah! I like you.


we are married and we're happily so, , So including me ,myself my husband ,and my husband's friend now my lover... all live in same house , all are straight ,share same beds...started as fantasy and progressed from there as we limits to it. So are by definition a MFM strait closed tri lol god hope it made sense we're lost lol
We toyed back n forth with this idea plenty,. My husband and were quite excited to begin see where it led to. Two yrs down this rabbit hole we be hang in just fine and enjoying ourselves... OOOh quick query , I am Canadian and in Canada we have a tribe in Saskchewan that is allowed polyandry HA! but not spread yet and just wondering on the home fronts whats the fuss , oh We live in gigantic British Columbia but don't know anyone here since being back in BC any um nite out drinks dinner type stuff? Looking for things like oh dinner drink socialise movie,dancing ,talk around a pub with like minded peoples??? Husband Irish 100% and lover Black Irish literally 100% me canuck breed lol so yea hiya from the swirl
 

nycindie

Active member
. . . we do have more of a triad dynamic despite us all not living together and them not having a romantic relationship together.
There is no poly rulebook that says triads have to live together.

So including me ,myself my husband ,and my husband's friend now my lover... all live in same house , all are straight ,share same beds...started as fantasy and progressed from there as we limits to it. So are by definition a MFM strait closed tri lol god hope it made sense we're lost lol
Since you are all straight, when you say your lover is your husband's friend, you literally mean a friend, buddy, pal, etc., who is straight and not a "friend" who is involved with your husband? A lot of people say "friend" when they mean lover.
 

ClockworkDragon

New member
I think that women are more likely to be willing to accept another female in their partnership than men are to accept another man. Men these days are raised to be borderline homophobic, and possessive. I think that tide is shifting, but it's still very prevalent. It's no different than the idea that the bisexual female is hot and sexy, while the bisexual male is not.
 

KC43

New member
In some cases that may be true. In my case personally, I would be very reluctant to accept one of my guys being in a *relationship* with another woman. Having sex with other women, I can handle. (Except with Hubby, because by his own admission he goes way too far into shiny object territory when he sleeps with someone.) Having a female friend with benefits, even. But not a full-fledged relationship. It would take a lot of work, soul-searching, and reassurance for me to be able to handle that.

And there would definitely have to be boundaries, because there's no way I would ever get naked with another woman. Not wired that way. (No judgment toward those who are bi or lesbian, just not my thing.)
 

Attarax

New member
THIS!!:
MFM V here, and looks like it's gonna stay that way, just out of comfort and inertia.

I loved that. That is exactly where I fall in at...well..until I fall out of it, but it's the comfort and inertia thing that's really gotten me.

Except the way I want to start the momentum push is to push SS out to find his own.

But to continue with this thread, I've been in 3 MFM V configuriations all of which were poly-fi and were long termers. The 2nd MFM V being the one that had lasted the longest (and had the worst meltdown) the first being shorter time span wise, but overall we're still friends. ^_^...this final..and I mean FINAL MFM V just over a year now..and I'm freaking out.

Would I ever have considered a FMF? Oh god yes. Only because then it would've taken so~ much self pressure off of me and I would've gladly welcomed a full on relationship with all the feels to bloom for my Hubby and the other F...that never happened though. Hell I would've been happy if she was straight poly and interested in hubby only. Bi poly would've been awesome too..but then I'd have to be a part of it. o_O I'm old dammit....feel that way anyway.
 

cuddlecakes

New member
My girlfriend has dated more people during our relationship than I've dated in my life.

I thought that was the pattern for most open relationships? That it's much easier for women?

It is always Vees, though, not triads.
 

DebbieandRay

New member
I think that women are more likely to be willing to accept another female in their partnership than men are to accept another man. Men these days are raised to be borderline homophobic, and possessive. I think that tide is shifting, but it's still very prevalent. It's no different than the idea that the bisexual female is hot and sexy, while the bisexual male is not.

I agree that in poly, and in swinging, that bi men are not widely accepted. Yet, I have noticed that most of the poly people we have met are more often FMM, or FMMM or FMMMM. I have two boyfriends and a husband. My LDR BF is married, whereas my new BF is not. My husband's new GF is married as well. My husband's new GF's husband is terminally monogamous.

I think that women are usually more "jealous" of other women, when it comes to FFM relationships. I may be wrong. I just know that from the people we know and have met, that more often it is the women who have more lovers than the men do.

I did get "jealous" a couple years back because my husband, who is bi, was attracted to a man who had played with me a few times. The thing is, my husband is now dating a woman and I have not felt any jealousy. To be honest, I would fear losing my husband to another man more than I would losing him to another woman. Men have more to offer other men than women do, in my opinion.

I have shared my men with female friends, and it has been okay. I have loved being the only woman most, though. My LDR BF and my husband have played with each other and I am okay with that, but if my husband really fell for another man, I am not sure how I would feel.
 

RichardInTN

Member
I agree that in poly, and in swinging, that bi men are not widely accepted. Yet, I have noticed that most of the poly people we have met are more often FMM, or FMMM or FMMMM. I have two boyfriends and a husband. My LDR BF is married, whereas my new BF is not. My husband's new GF is married as well. My husband's new GF's husband is terminally monogamous.

I think that women are usually more "jealous" of other women, when it comes to FFM relationships. I may be wrong. I just know that from the people we know and have met, that more often it is the women who have more lovers than the men do.

I did get "jealous" a couple years back because my husband, who is bi, was attracted to a man who had played with me a few times. The thing is, my husband is now dating a woman and I have not felt any jealousy. To be honest, I would fear losing my husband to another man more than I would losing him to another woman. Men have more to offer other men than women do, in my opinion.

I have shared my men with female friends, and it has been okay. I have loved being the only woman most, though. My LDR BF and my husband have played with each other and I am okay with that, but if my husband really fell for another man, I am not sure how I would feel.
Why would they be more jealous if they are "connecting" (pardon the pun) with the other female though? "FFM" (at least to me) means "one bisexual female with two partners, one male (who may or may not be interested in the other female partner), one female (who may be a lesbian, and ONLY interested in the female, or bisexual and interested in the male as well)
 

DebbieandRay

New member
Why would they be more jealous if they are "connecting" (pardon the pun) with the other female though? "FFM" (at least to me) means "one bisexual female with two partners, one male (who may or may not be interested in the other female partner), one female (who may be a lesbian, and ONLY interested in the female, or bisexual and interested in the male as well)

In a situation where the females are bi or one is a lesbian, there may not be jealousy. In cases where both females are straight and the man has a romantic interest in both females, the possibility of jealousy does exist.

My husband and his ex had a girlfriend. His wife was more interested in sex with the girlfriend than she was in him. The girlfriend fell for my husband. My husband stopped seeing the girlfriend because he knew that his wife was more interested in the girlfriend. So, when my husband backed off, the girlfriend felt put off. The girlfriend was interested in my husband's wife, but she was more sexually interested in my husband. Everything fell apart with them after that.

That is what I was saying.
 

tdh

Active member
Well well, this is an interesting group. I am also in a developmental stage with my partner and it seems we are in a delayed... NRE, as it is called here.

His metamour? and I get along really well and are friends. He and I are exclusive and she is not right now, but she is poly-fi amorous? (god this gets confusing)

If I ever wanted another it would probably be a man, but people have told me finding such another would be difficult because I am already with one?

I also like older women :)
This seems to be what Igor wants, for now it is fine, but I don't know that I see it working in the long run.

Poly is always a little different for everyone. Personally believe in "You date who you are attracted to" but this requires security between partners.

Consider having a conversation with your partner about the desire to make this work for everyone long term and where the ideal you talked about in the original post doesn't work for you. You are attracted to males and older women. He is attracted to women. You don't have to date the same person or enter into a closed V or quad or living together or anything. Putting it off will not help you both be happy with the arrangement. Only fulfilling his side of the poly which sounds like FMF closed won't work for you and let him know.
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
Poly is always a little different for everyone. Personally believe in "You date who you are attracted to" but this requires security between partners.

Consider having a conversation with your partner about the desire to make this work for everyone long term and where the ideal you talked about in the original post doesn't work for you. You are attracted to males and older women. He is attracted to women. You don't have to date the same person or enter into a closed V or quad or living together or anything. Putting it off will not help you both be happy with the arrangement. Only fulfilling his side of the poly which sounds like FMF closed won't work for you and let him know.
Please note that this thread was necro'ed. It's 8 years old.
 

Tripp

New member
It might just be my own experience or perception, but it seems like there are way more poly relationships with 1 man and 2+ women than 1 woman with multiple men.

Am I off target? If not, what are your thoughts on the difference between the two?

I've been in a few poly arrangements and oddly (or not oddly?), the most stable one was when I was the only female.

It seems sort of the exception though, I'd like to hear everyone's take on it.

Thanks!
Oh, you are so spot on, lol! I haven't had the opportunity to have a poly connection with any women/femmes, but from what I've witnessed f4f poly has been the most stable and equitable.
 
It’s probably been mentioned but to be honest I’m too lazy and ADHD to read through every reply but the Unicorn hunting is common to a lot of men that have a OPP (one penis policy)

Now does that make me a hypocrite that I am in a Open Triad FMF relationship? Both partners openly date other men and one of the partners is Bisexual so she chooses to date women as well and so far so good it seems to work for everyone so far

But I wonder how different or not the dynamic is if it was MMF open Triad , I wasn’t Unicorn hunting it just happened to play out that way and since I’m also Bi I am not of the OPP mindset
 

AlwaysGrowing

Well-known member
Oh, you are so spot on, lol! I haven't had the opportunity to have a poly connection with any women/femmes, but from what I've witnessed f4f poly has been the most stable and equitable.
My experience has been the opposite. The most stable polyam relationships I've seen IRL are mfm vees.
It’s probably been mentioned but to be honest I’m too lazy and ADHD to read through every reply but the Unicorn hunting is common to a lot of men that have a OPP (one penis policy)

Now does that make me a hypocrite that I am in a Open Triad FMF relationship? Both partners openly date other men and one of the partners is Bisexual so she chooses to date women as well and so far so good it seems to work for everyone so far

But I wonder how different or not the dynamic is if it was MMF open Triad , I wasn’t Unicorn hunting it just happened to play out that way and since I’m also Bi I am not of the OPP mindset
Open triads seem more stable than closed ones from what I've seen. In general, closed and/or history of unicorn hunting triads expect all to be completely fair and equal then fall apart when one or two legs becomes less stable than the others. Open triads that recognize the ebbs and flows in relationships, have the freedom to explore other interests, and actually formed with respect for everyone's feelings/ opinions not just 2 people's seem to work out better, even if they are functionally closed where no one is dating outside the triad for periods of time.

Again, that's all from personal observation/ experience. Nothing definite about it. Lol
 

Jaylew

New member
I am a limited experienced bi male. I have lived with my ex for the last 10 years. She loves me in a way I don't understand. We don't have a secual relationship. I haven't had sexual relationships in a very long time. I have a friend from many years ago that I don't really spend time with, and I have asked her,( not sure what to call us) about a poly relationship with him. She didn't really comment. She has been texting with him for the last 4 or 5 years because they have similar interests, and I really, really like that. I like that I like that as well. It's probably just a fairy tale in my mind, and that's fine eneugh for me.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
That would be an MMF V or triad, if you could get it all together. Good luck, I hope your dreams come true!
 

Jaylew

New member
That would be an MMF V or triad, if you could get it all together. Good luck, I hope your dreams come true!
Thanks for the well wishes! The odds of this coming together are slim to none but I like to think anythings possible. The most likely scenarios are likely to be from unexpected origins.
 
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