This came up in GFT's blog thread, but it's also been an ongoing debate I've had over the past few weeks. There's no right or wrong here; I just want to get other people's take on it, because I'm trying to figure out whether *my* way of looking at it is wrong. (It's been heavily implied to me that it is.)
If a relationship ends, do most people stay friends with the ex? Particularly if it's an amicable thing, like you just don't have shared interests anymore, or your schedules don't let you see each other often enough, or one of you relocates, or something?
And if you (general you; if you answer, you don't necessarily have to give your *personal* way of doing things, just your opinion) stay friends with an ex in a circumstance like the above, does sex remain on the table if you and the ex happen to have the opportunity? Or does the sex end permanently when the relationship ends, regardless of whether a friendship remains?
Personally--and this has a lot to do with trust issues--I have difficulty forming close attachments to people. If I form such an attachment, it is very *easy* to break it. The only exception in my life has been S2, and that's still a sore subject, in part *because* the attachment was so bloody difficult to break.
So if a relationship I'm in breaks up, regardless of which person initiates the breakup or why, that's it. Attachment broken, no further contact, the person no longer exists in my life. I can't comprehend wanting to stay friends with someone you've been romantic and sexual with when the romance and sex is no longer a thing. It sounds excruciatingly and unnecessarily painful to me. I have no desire to even consider staying friends with an ex-partner. (I'll note that staying friends with a friend-with-benefits if the benefits stop is a different situation.)
And even if I were to set aside my usual "you no longer exist" reaction... I flat out have no concept of why sex would stay a thing if the relationship doesn't. You're EXES for a reason. If you're friends, you're friends, whatever...but how does "people get to stay in my life even if we break up" translate into "if the opportunity presents, I still fuck people I've broken up with"?
The people with whom I've been having this debate, in turn, don't seem to be able to conceptualize *not* staying friends with exes, at least in a positive or neutral breakup, and consider it "odd" that someone would *not* continue fucking an ex if the opportunity arose.
So... other people's thoughts? I'm genuinely trying to understand this...
If a relationship ends, do most people stay friends with the ex? Particularly if it's an amicable thing, like you just don't have shared interests anymore, or your schedules don't let you see each other often enough, or one of you relocates, or something?
And if you (general you; if you answer, you don't necessarily have to give your *personal* way of doing things, just your opinion) stay friends with an ex in a circumstance like the above, does sex remain on the table if you and the ex happen to have the opportunity? Or does the sex end permanently when the relationship ends, regardless of whether a friendship remains?
Personally--and this has a lot to do with trust issues--I have difficulty forming close attachments to people. If I form such an attachment, it is very *easy* to break it. The only exception in my life has been S2, and that's still a sore subject, in part *because* the attachment was so bloody difficult to break.
So if a relationship I'm in breaks up, regardless of which person initiates the breakup or why, that's it. Attachment broken, no further contact, the person no longer exists in my life. I can't comprehend wanting to stay friends with someone you've been romantic and sexual with when the romance and sex is no longer a thing. It sounds excruciatingly and unnecessarily painful to me. I have no desire to even consider staying friends with an ex-partner. (I'll note that staying friends with a friend-with-benefits if the benefits stop is a different situation.)
And even if I were to set aside my usual "you no longer exist" reaction... I flat out have no concept of why sex would stay a thing if the relationship doesn't. You're EXES for a reason. If you're friends, you're friends, whatever...but how does "people get to stay in my life even if we break up" translate into "if the opportunity presents, I still fuck people I've broken up with"?
The people with whom I've been having this debate, in turn, don't seem to be able to conceptualize *not* staying friends with exes, at least in a positive or neutral breakup, and consider it "odd" that someone would *not* continue fucking an ex if the opportunity arose.
So... other people's thoughts? I'm genuinely trying to understand this...