Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

PinkPig

Well-known member
I guess it doesn't really matter now, but my opinion is to follow your gut and not let the boyfriend stay at your house. My experience is that an addict's only true loyalty is to the drug of choice. It's not personal it's just about feeding the addiction. Boyfriend has no reason not to steal from you (or worse) while living in your home. Risking that for your daughter is one thing, risking it for a man you don't know is something else. And, I think your gut is right - your daughter is unlikely to get clean with him around.

My family is going through something similar with my niece. She's now homeless with a young child in tow. She still won't go to rehab...can't/won't/doesn't respect anyone's rules or property so has nowhere else left to go. She's a cutter, too. I don't know what it's going to take to make her hit bottom. So far, DCFS and the police have prioritized her parental rights over the safety of my great niece.

It's such a horrible, scary, heartbreaking disease...and we're powerless to help those we love until they're ready for our help.

((Hugs)) Bluebird. I hope your daughter changes her mind and comes home to you. In the mean time, take care of yourself.
 

powerpuffgrl1969

Active member
SeasonedPoly has some good points, but I have a feeling this guy, once he's ensconced into your house, may be difficult to remove. It's not an issue at the moment, but you need to think of protecting yourself as well. You don't want to walk into your house and find that everything you own is gone.

I am the mother of an addict as well, so I feel your pain. Good luck.
 

YouAreHere

Well-known member
Again, this is probably a moot point, but depending on the state, if the BF stayed long enough, he could be considered a tenant, which would require you to levy formal eviction proceedings in order to get him out. I also wouldn't trust him in my house as far as I could throw him, and agree with PinkPig.

I have seen my sister go through the same thing your daughter is. She had an open invitation from our other sister to move in with her with two stipulations: no drugs and no men. Even though she cried about wanting to leave her current location / situation, she never took the offer.

You have my sympathies and a hug from an internet stranger if you want it.
 

Dagferi

Well-known member
Do not let the man move into your house.

I have a feeling they may just show up on your door step. I am sorry you are going through this.
 

SEASONEDpolyAgain

Active member
I wouldn't take the risk of my daughter dying out there alone. I've known of many people who now wish they didn't do what everyone told them was right and let them hit "rock bottom" alone, because "rock bottom" is often overdosing somewhere with people who don't care about you. Right now, my priority would be to get my daughter home where I could at least feed her and see her health isn't in an emergency state. I'd let her bring 5 people home if it meant I could do that. Especially if they're weren't any minors in the house.

My stuff that could get stolen isn't more important than my daughter's life. This might not work, but I couldn't live with myself if I rejected her simply because she couldn't both start the process of addiction help and get rid of the guy she loved at the same time and something awful happened to her. I'd rather have been wrong for taking her in, then be wrong for not taking her in and leaving her to face all the dangers of woman addicted to drugs and close to homeless.
 

Dagferi

Well-known member
I understand taking in the daughter but not the bf. I am sorry but both the state and federal government can take your house, property, and assets if there are drugs involved.

My neighbors granddaughter is hooked on herion. They took her in so she wouldn't be homeless and to help her get clean. They have lost their home because the granddaughter decided to "help her dealer out" for some free drugs. The State just seized their property. Their reputation is now destroyed. No one will rent to them now either.

I am sorry but not worth losing everything you own because of some man who is doing harm to her daughter. Especially in the financial situation Bluebird is in.

Plus Punkrock is going through a rough time right now with his own demons.
 
Last edited:

SEASONEDpolyAgain

Active member
I understand taking in the daughter but not the bf. I am sorry but both the state and federal government can take your house, property, and assets if there are drugs involved.

My neighbors granddaughter is hooked on herion. They took her in so she wouldn't be homeless and to help her get clean. They have lost their home because the granddaughter decided to "help her dealer out" for some free drugs. The State just seized their property. Their reputation is now destroyed. No one will rent to them now either.

I am sorry but not worth losing everything you own because of some man who is doing harm to her daughter. Especially in the financial situation Bluebird is in.

Plus Punkrock is going through a rough time right now with his own demons.

What if her daughter will not come without the boyfriend?
 

Dagferi

Well-known member
Then she doesn't come...

I may sound harsh but Bluebirds daughters boyfriend could cost Dark Knight a job. My parents are required to go through a Federal background check for work. Things relatives do show up on that and can cost someone a job.

She has 2 husbands, other children, and etc to think about. My oldest son decided at 18 to get involved in stupid things. I had two husbands and 2 younger children to think about. While it broke my heart he was an adult and I had to exercise some tough love. I could not have him in my home. He was lying, stealing, and etc. I had to protect the others and myself from his behavior. He had to get his shit together himself.
 

SEASONEDpolyAgain

Active member
Then she doesn't come...

I may sound harsh but Bluebirds daughters boyfriend could cost Dark Knight a job. My parents are required to go through a Federal background check for work. Things relatives do show up on that and can cost someone a job.

She has 2 husbands, other children, and etc to think about. My oldest son decided at 18 to get involved in stupid things. I had two husbands and 2 younger children to think about. While it broke my heart he was an adult and I had to exercise some tough love. I could not have him in my home. He was lying, stealing, and etc. I had to protect the others and myself from his behavior. He had to get his shit together himself.

I've lost a friend to suicide after everyone (including me) convinced her to let her daughter hit rock bottom alone. Her daughter was gang raped as she overdosed in an abandoned building. My friend never forgave herself. That experience influences my views significantly.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
It is a moot point. She showed up today - at 3 am. I have never been so upset at a child of mine. The disrespect and inconsideration is the drugs though, so I let it slide.

She messaged me shortly after 10 am yesterday to tell me that they were leaving for Jacksonville. Oh, and could I take on her two grown cats for a month? I gave her 3 stipulations: 1) she sign an owner surrender for both animals 2) she transfer or release the vet records to me 3) if she doesn’t show here with a signed lease in a month, I will be signing them over to the humane society and rehoming them both. She agreed to all.

The drive from where she was to my house is like 5-6 hours. Her boyfriend and her were trading off riding the motorcycle and driving her car. They were pulled over twice - once at 3 pm and once at 2:30 am. The car and motorcycle both had no insurance, no registration. The motorcycle was not inspected, the car’s inspection is up May 31. She got tickets at the first traffic stop, none at the second. She was blowing up my phone at 3 pm, trying to get me to send my credit card information to her, so she could set up insurance over the phone, and get the vehicles registered online. I guess the cop let them do that? This didn’t happen, because I am not an idiot. Also because I don’t have money to lend her and not get paid back. She told me after she arrived that her uncle paid it - this is an uncle from her birth family who has no idea she is going through addiction. I haven’t been in touch with him. Sigh.

She told me she’d be here after all this nonsense at 3 pm, by 11 pm, and then she sent a GPS photo saying 12:30. DarkKnight went to bed at midnight, utterly exhausted. PunkRock was done at 1 am, when the next text showed arrival at 2:30. His alarm is set for 5 pm, so no way.

Anyway, their 5 hour trip took 15 hours. I told her that her boyfriend wasn’t welcome on my property, so he parked down the street when she came to drop off the cats. It wasn’t an issue. She did the paperwork and then I gave her some food from the Blessing Box. She ate a ton of grapes and an entire ham & cheese Lunchable while talking to me. I don’t know this person. She was wolffish, almost feral when eating. She said they were trying to save money so they hadn’t been buying food. She left with a loaf of bread, some peanut butter and jelly, granola bars - stuff I give to everyone who visits and is in need. They certainly qualify.

She was in tears a few times with her cats. She said she knows she should sign them over and let me find them a home now, but that they are her family and her babies and she can’t. That she will get a place and they will be back with her on July 2. She was really vague about what exactly is going on in Jacksonville. Honestly, it sounds like some sort of drug buy. She told me she has been “mostly” staying clean now that she is with this guy again. She gleefully showed me her hands and pointed to her face to indicate how the sores are fading. She seems to not understand that she picks when she isn’t using. Since they are clearing up, it shows that she has used. She said this guy is wonderful because he can connect with her and know what she’s going through because he goes through it too. They are helping each other. I told her I was sure he was helping her go in the wrong direction from getting healthy. I didn’t lecture her though. I said we had a fundamental disagreement and there was nothing I could say to change her mind on that. Just that I 100% know this won’t end well at all between them and that she needs help for her co-dependency AND her addiction. She gave me a huge hug and said she loves me and she’s sorry.

She was gone very quickly. Apparently they have a place to sleep in the next town south, so they’ll do that and then head out late tomorrow and try to make it to NC, which is the next leg of the journey.

I hate this so fucking much. I want my daughter back. I have to be content now that I have her cats rescued, at least. I had to spend 3 hours tonight after dinner setting up our regular kitten room though, and that pissed me off. I have no idea what moved the timeline up so drastically, but I was scheduling to have the space ready by Tuesday. Having to do it all at once, rushed and unexpectedly was aggravating. Those cats have spent the last 6 months being bounced from different temporary households and living in a car. They need to have some space. The one black cat was scared out of its mind and scratched me up pretty good two times. He needs some serious adjustments and holding time. Her other is a lovebird and was all over me, wanting attention. I fostered him when he was a kitten, and I don’t know, maybe he recognized me as his old mom? He was a complete sweetheart.

I am in bed next to PunkRock now. I need sleep badly. I had an extremely stressful day - this story is missing so many pieces it seems wrong but my brain isn’t working. Tomorrow I have an appointment to get my hair colored at 9 am. Fuck I have to shut down now.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
So much has happened. The cats have now been here for a week, and Loki got out of the foster room a few days ago. When I grabbed him up to put him back, he bit me, several times on the left index finger. It swelled up, became infected, and I had to go to urgent care. I haven’t got the bill for that yet, but I did pay $50 for a 10-day prescription of Augmentin. I’ve been soaking my hand in warm salt water multiple times a day, and my hand is basically unusable. As if my life wasn’t shit enough right now! The antibiotics have me feeling gut sick in all the ways that can feel. It isn’t pleasant.

At the moment my oldest daughter is in and out of contact, and I really have zero belief she will be able to secure housing within the next month.

DarkKnight has yet to secure employment, and for the first time, we’ve dipped into our savings. We are on our last $10000 - well, $8000, after I pay the mortgage and bills for the month. It’s scary.

We do still have some fun things lined up. We have tickets to see the stage show Puffs, which is a Harry Potter play focusing on Hufflepuffs. It’s coming to our city for one night only, so that’s exciting. DarkKnight needs something to look forward to, dammit. He is in the upcoming Little Mermaid show at the local playhouse, but it’s a minor role because he doesn’t want to be too overwhelmed if he does secure employment.i got tickets to see it in August, and PunkRock is going to go with me to that. Oh, and the three of us went to see the Godzilla movie yesterday. That is one thing I will never miss out on! Lol The monsters were amazing, they each had different personalities and I loved the battle scenes. The people in it were lame AF and the story was stupid. Maybe one day there will be a perfect combo!

Our oldest male cat Gus went to the vet a couple days ago and his bloodwork came back with a low red blood cell count, so we are going to have him retested in a month. He used to be at a 9.7 but now he’s at a 7.7. That is still normal, but it’s weird that it dropped significantly.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
My finger is healing ok, I suppose, but the tip still hurts like a bitch. What’s the worst is my reaction to the antibiotic - I can’t walk 4 steps without feeling dizzy, and I spend the majority of my time nauseated, trying not to vomit. It’s absolutely the worst combination. The doctor says these are normal side effects and they should subside when my 10 days of antibiotics is over. Yay?

Seriously, ai have been able to do much of anything but be depressed.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Well I am off my antibiotic. It took about half a day before I started feeling better. Today was my first full day of feeling not sick at all. I feel like I accomplished more today than I have in the last 10 days put together, that’s for sure!

One of my oldest daughter’s cats was adopted tonight, so that was great. The sweet chonker found himself a wonderful new home and I actually have zero doubts that he will do well there. I feel like I have done him an awful lot of good. We are going to move Loki, the wild one, into DarkKnight’s bedroom now. That way the kitty will get more time with a human and hopefully will calm down some.

DarkKnight and I went and saw Puffs last night - wow, what a hilarious show! I had fun being with him and laughing. We always have such a good connection, and comedy is something we can always enjoy together. We met on a comedy website, after all. In hindsight we both felt that PunkRock would have enjoyed it as well, as he is also a huge Harry Potter fan. (Both he and DarkKnight are Hufflepuffs. I’m a Ravenclaw.) Really though, the cost was prohibitive, and when I was ordering the tickets, I was really focused on them being a morale booster for DarkKnight. Anyway, it was a fun outing. I felt so much squee being able to enjoy something silly with him!

Tonight DarkKnight had play practice, and while he was gone, PunkRock helped me with a Blessing Box visitor who has several cats that need fixed. I found a rescue that let us bring her male cat to get neutered tomorrow. He drove me to deliver it to my contact, and I will go and pick it up tomorrow, surgery complete. This lady has 3 other female cats who need fixed, and I am going to see about getting those spayed as well. I won’t post about it on the page, because then I will have 100 people requesting assistance! I don’t have the resources.

Tonight was my sleepover night with PunkRock and we were discussing my youngest daughter, who had a third date with a Tinder match. We started talking about our second date, and oh - I just felt so much love and connection. Our energy is so strong, it’s amazing. We had some wonderful playtime - he came all over my tits, and he hadn’t done that in a while! I was actually really surprised because I had just started blowing him and then repositioned slightly to have him start titty-fucking me and bam! Lol He made a mess. He offered to help me out but honestly, I just felt so much happiness and glow, I just wanted to snuggle up after cleaning up!
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I have had a slow start this morning - I slept in until 10 am! Since then I’ve marked 4 boxes of formula (cross out the UPC code and write “Blessing Box” along the front to deter resellers), took a shower, pooped twice (my bowels have not recuperated from the antibiotic) and put away a load of laundry. I ate a turkey melt in there at some point as well. Oh! The people who adopted Odin gave us a $50 gift card, so I ordered wet and dry kitten food and an automatic laser toy that they recommended. Since our own cats needed food as well, I added $40 worth of wet and dry food for them too. In a bit I will go pick those up from PetSmart. I had a donation of $20 through PayPal for the Blessing Box, so I am going to stop and buy some bread and baby wipes as well.

I registered us as active in the online database for our shelter so we can maybe get some kittens today, but I haven’t heard anything yet.

Sigh. Right now I am going to do another basket of laundry and clear off the top of my dresser in DarkKnight’s room. THEN I will fill the Blessing Box and THEN go pick up all the stuff in various stores.

I wanna go back to bed!
 
Last edited:

Bluebird

Well-known member
PubkRock and I went to the ocean for a couple of days worth of a retreat from life. I initially was going to go with DarkKnight, but he’s in the upcoming dinner theater performance of The Little Mermaid, and he decided he didn’t want to miss practice, so PunkRock jumped at the chance to come instead! We spent yesterday at Assateague Island and then rented a room in ocean Scott overnight, and today we were on the beach right off the boardwalk there. Fun! We are getting ready to come home now.


Our foster room is currently full of 16 little kittens, so I am eager to go get my snuggle on when we are back home! Also, one of my amazing neighbors started a fundraiser for us to buy a shed! I wasn’t going to ask for help with one since I have other upcoming Blessing Box projects, but she got it up and running without informing me! We are just $275 short at this point and I am just amazed! The shed we want is actually on sale for a little bit cheaper, which is good because we are going to pay out of pocket to prepare the ground and put down a floor.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I am numb. I got a call from the orthodontist office that they have decided that my case plan is too old, and that I will need to pay $2000 to receive another set of Invisalign braces. Um, the reason I have been suffering for 5 fucking years is because of THEIR incompetence and THEIR inability to treat the problems with my teeth correctly. I told the lady on the phone that I was not ready to commit to that at this time, and that I would like a print out copy of all of the treatments that have been done to me with case notes, since I started the process. She got extremely rude and short at that point, and told me that she would have to call me back when it was finished, as it would take a long time and she didn’t have time to do it today.

I am going to talk to DarkKnight and PunkRock and see what our next steps are going to be. It definitely is NOT going to be pay this company $2000.

I feel like they are hurting me all over again with this. I don’t even have a dollar amount on how much therapy has cost me over the trauma they’ve laid on me. This is unbelievable.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I went and picked up my dental paperwork. I swear, rereading all of what has been done over the last 5 years has reopened so much of the trauma. I was crying in the car after a single page. Today hasn’t been good.

We did close our fundraiser for a shed and made the amount needed. Then someone messaged and they have an already assembled wooden shed available for us - if we can move it. Well, our local gas company has moved large items for the Blessing Box in the past, and my contact agreed to come out and look. I was so bouncy, because this would allow us to spend the cash raised on storage solutions inside the shed, and to build a base underneath of it so it would be more weatherproof. We met today to look at the He’s and it’s location, and it isn’t the best. It’s got a tree planted in front, so they’d have to move the shed around d at an angle, and they’d have to remove a cemented fence post to get it out of the yard. Again, not impossible, but also not ideal. My backyard is also an issue - it slopes steeply down to the adjoining street, so there are some measurements that have to be done about the height of the flatbed trailer and thoughts about how to get it up the rest of the embankment. Again, not impossible, but also not ideal. And of course, he needs to gather a bunch of guys from the company to come and do all of this for me. So I am hopeful, but not overly so. Especially after the dental news. I was kind of subdued about it.

My backyard is a jungle right now too - my son couldn’t get over last week to mow and this week it’s been rainy. PunkRock is planning on cutting down some parts of our neighbor’s trees and it’s stressful. We talked to them a year ago about doing it and they said fine but they’ve been assholes about other things since. Their branches are on top of our house and overstretching our property by at least 3 to 5 feet in some places. We know we are allowed to cut them back to their side, but it’s still going to be an issue, I just know it.

Today is just not a good day. DarkKnight could see how upset I was after reading all of the dental nonsense and he was like, “this is what PTSD is. You absolutely have that and it’s expected that you would be freaking out.” He isn’t wrong but I was hoping the therapy would help minimize the anxiety. But it’s like in the face of this, I just lost all of the work that I did on my mind and body in an instant.

I think I may talk to a medical malpractice attorney. I really don’t know. I am so upset right now.
 

AutumnLeaves

New member
I think I may talk to a medical malpractice attorney. I really don’t know. I am so upset right now.

I think you should, and sooner rather than later if you can handle it emotionally because there are things like statutes of limitation that will really punish you in malpractice cases in most states if you wait too long to file. Most attorneys have free consultations. You shouldn't have to pay anything up front, or at most a nominal amount like $20. Take all of your stuff with you if you go. Don't worry about being emotional, attorneys get that literally all the time. Most malpractice clients are seriously traumatized or they wouldn't be looking for an attorney in the first place.

PS that all really sucks and I'm sorry they're putting you through this
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Yeah Maryland statute of limitations is 5 years from when the problem surfaced. I first got the implant 4 years ago so I think I am ok. I am going to cal a lawyer tomorrow.
 
Top