Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love


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Busy day today! I took BugGirl’s guy to work, and then DarkKnight. Then I took our cat Olivia to the vet. She’s FIV+, deaf and just recently had her thyroid removed because of cancer. Now she is in early stage kidney failure. Today was a blood check to see if the special diet we’ve been feeding her has had any effect.

The answer was yes and no. Her numbers are getting worse and she’s lost weight, but it’s not as bad as it could be. The vet has told me to increase her dry food, and continue to stick with the plan. We will retest her in January, unless we see a visible decline of any sort.

I just got back from Martinsburg, which is a 30 minute trip to the far side for me. Wednesdays are my donation pickup days. The consignment shop gave me a bassinet, a stroller, several smaller pieces for toddlers and babies (a bumbo seat with gray, stand up toys, etc) and three contractor bags full of clothes and shoes. I got it all set out and unloaded, and there was a bunch of donations on the porch in our dropoff as well I had to handle.

LOL Doorbell ring while I was writing this - I’m closed but people still stop by. An elderly woman was asking for size small pull-ups for herself - got that squared away!

I am going to make some lunch for MisterMoonbeam and myself here in a minute, and then the plan is to take a solo hike, probably in Gathland State Park. I am thinking to maybe go along the Appalachian Trail for a couple of miles to a shelter, and then turn around and go back. Looks easy and not too strenuous. I’m a little nervous because it’s hot out today and I am already sweaty. I hate having issues with that, but it is what it is. The trail should be shaded.

I have to pick up BugGirl’s guy from work at 3:30, and then take him to his group therapy session at 6 pm. He got his timing changed so he can work full days. His schedule was set up in such a way that he was only going to work til noon, and he needs money too badly to do that! So now his sessions are 6 pm to 9 pm. That should work better - DarkKnight gets off work at 4 pm.


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38893FB8-80F7-4FD6-AD13-8765DCE64B09.jpegI’ve now completed 18 hikes in different Maryland State Parks this year. Each butterfly = a park! I only mark off a location if I hiked at least a mile. There’s a 40% chance of rain this weekend, so I am not sure if I will make it out any place on Saturday or Sunday. Today I did get out to Gathland, and I did a little over a mile on the Appalachian Trail. I was aiming to do more, but it was steep and rocky and very hot. I was okay with turning around. Lol

After my short hike, I went and picked up aligners number 2 & 3 from the orthodontist. Today marks the end of week one on this treatment plan! I have the other 26 already, but I had to stop today to pick up these two in order to continue. I’m now wearing #2! I hope to make it through all of these this time. With as much pain and suffering and nonsense that I have been through - including talk therapy and hypnotherapy - this needs to be DONE. My goal is to finally have a straight smile by Christmas, with no gaps!

I paid the orthodontist $90, and then went and got BugGirl’s guy from work, dropped him off at my house, and went back out to pick up DarkKnight from work. DarkKnight wanted to stop at the grocery store, so we did that. Now I have exactly one hour to rest before heading back out, to take my daughter’s guy to his therapy session. DarkKnight has agreed to pick him up at 9 pm, so when I get back home, I can shower.


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Yawn. Up early again this morning to do the car shuffle with DarkKnight, and BugGirl’s guy friend. Now I am parked outside the rehab center, waiting for BugGirl to come out.

Around 8 pm last night I started feeling extremely anxious and stressed - it was like the feeling I get right before my period. I can feel the emotions rippling through my bloodstream. Ugh. I’ve been really overloaded with everything that is going on. It didn’t help that halfway through the day that I realized it was my wedding anniversary with PunkRock. I checked my Facebook memories and wow they were full. Again, I felt okay looking at them - I just feel an overwhelming sense of peace with that. More like indifference - I’m looking at photos of a stranger. I’m not sure if that’s a healthy way to feel or not. I still get hit with waves of anger - or sadness - from time to time. But it isn’t missing PunkRock. It’s the thoughts of how much I stretched to try and make him okay, and how much bullshit I allowed. Never again. Mostly when these thoughts hit, I acknowledge my feelings, and then I try and push it away. Revisiting things just isn’t productive.

Anyway, I’m carrying a lot right now, and I am frustrated because I feel I can’t focus on what I want. Hopefully things will calm down in June. I’ve already written this month off!

Tonight my oldest (who I have decided to call BeanBoy) and my youngest are coming over to start playing a Star Wars RPG, with DarkKnight, me and MisterMoonbeam. I think it’s called Age of the Rebellion? We are creating our characters and eating pizza. My basement game room is a mess, so I need to move stuff around at some point today.


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Oh I am so very tired! Last night I was OUT, and I didn’t remember my dreams this morning. I also don’t remember getting up to pee in the middle of the night as I always do, and that’s because I didn’t. Instead, I apparently peed all over myself and continued sleeping! When I awoke in the morning, I was like, wow, my pajama pants are cold! But they weren’t cold, they were wet. WTF

Just one way I like to keep things sexy in the bedroom. 😂 Cold pee. I’m a mess. 😂

By the end of the day yesterday I really was just dead on my feet. I cried a couple of times when I was alone in my car. It was kind of a mix of relief, exhaustion, expended anxiety and happiness. It was so very good to see BugGirl! She had gained 20 pounds and her complexion was healing from her picking. She showed me her back, which is just COVERED in scars. She seemed very motivated and positive about her life moving forward. I hope she stays clean this time, and that the 30 days in rehab has healed her.

She told me that she appreciates so much how I was there for her the whole time, and that the way I approached her this time with the question, “Are you ready for rehab yet?” was what made things click for her. She said everyone said to her “you need to go to rehab; you have to go to rehab” and that made her dig in her heels and deny, deny, deny. But when I sat down with her and asked her if she was ready yet, it was as if it became a choice she could make, if that made sense. I honestly don’t remember how I phrased things at the time, I was just so very scared for her. Also, really, really angry at the people who were believing her sob stories and lending her money to buy cocaine. She said pretty much she just told people she needed money for food and gas. Like, HELLO I fucking run a food pantry. No way would my daughter need something to eat.

Anyway, we spent an hour making a list with categories that she needed to work on. I took her to pick up her paycheck and talk to her boss - she is starting back to work on Monday with 5 hours of guaranteed overtime. I organized her mail and she paid off everything she could of what she owed companies to keep her utilities on, and her friends/family that had leant her money. I drove her around the city to go shopping, and I took her to an NA meeting, that ended up not existing because of Covid. It was a full day. Then I went home and played the RPG with the rest of my family. And then crashed and pissed myself overnight. Sigh.

Today was my day off, and I spent a big chunk of it cleaning. My house is the worst, since I haven’t had time to clean, but at least it got some attention today! I then fell asleep on the couch around 3 pm and I just woke up. Ugh. I hate napping!

Oh! My Ren Faire dress came in the mail today and the corset is way too big. MisterMoonbeam ordered a new one 2 sizes down and put a rush on it, so I am anxious now about it arriving before next weekend! I don’t know where I went wrong, because I measured as described. I ordered a 51-53” underbust originally, but the one coming now is 41-43”. Yikes! I hope it works. The shirt and tulip skirt fit well, and I guess the plan will be to just wear those two pieces and rent a corset upon arrival to the Ren Faire, if the new one doesn’t fit.


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MisterMoonbeam, DarkKnight and I went to Annapolis yesterday and visited the Taws Garden downtown. It’s a tiny state park but it’s got gorgeous plants and trees.


We ate lunch outside at a nice pub, but everything took much longer than anticipated so we didn’t end up going to the beach - which was originally planned as another state park stop. I was okay with this - we will snag that one another time. The Taws Garden was state park 19 for me.



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Ummmmm I’m not even sure how to explain this! Or what even *this* is.

I was talking last year to someone on OKC and we fell out of that due to Covid, but he started chatting me up again recently. It came to his attention that we share a FetLife friend - his old FWB, who was also a FWB with a past boyfriend of mine, SirGalahad.

The timeline tracks that this FWB left SirGalahad at the same time she broke up with this new guy I am talking to. And then shortly thereafter she blew up at me and unfriended me, never to talk to me again. She said I was being insensitive to her in a post I made on Facebook about remodeling my bathroom. I posted several pictures with commentary on what was being done, including a caption saying I hated the green tile, but that we were currently too poor to rip it out and replace it. She said that she really was poor, and it was rude and tone deaf to post that. I apologized and explained I was just frustrated because we really couldn’t afford it right now. She didn’t care.

So yeah, I guess she was going through some stuff.

I didn’t realize she was still my FetLife friend, because I don’t really do much with that site at all. So when it was brought to my attention, I clicked on her profile and saw that SirGalahad was listed as her friend, so I clicked on his page. I thought for a minute, and then sent him a friend request last night.

We’ve been texting most of the day today. If you remember, we broke up several years ago because his girlfriend threatened me, saying that if she wanted him to dump me he would, that she could get him to cancel time with me just by telling him to. She said this in front of him, and he did not defend me or deny what she was saying. More disrespect followed that evening, and though he talked to her later and he said she apologized to him, ultimately I no longer wanted to be a part of an unhealthy dynamic like that.

So we broke up. No nastiness, I just cried a bit and was down a bit before I moved on.

Apparently SirGalahad is single now. He broke up with this woman because she lied and was dishonest about seeing someone else, cheating on him - and her husband - last Fall. He apparently left his gaming club over it, last Fall, because she was still there with the cheating partner. He’s taking an indefinite break, because they were partners for 23 years and he doesn’t want to witness that.

I feel pretty okay talking to SirGalahad. I think we need to meet up and have an in person discussion about everything. I’m conflicted about dating him again, though he is acting positive and open with me. I don’t feel I could trust him again as a partner - what happened with his ex girlfriend was pretty traumatic for me at the time. I feel fine about being friends.

At the moment I have zero time to meet up, but maybe mid-June. I am going to text with him, I guess, and feel out how things are between us. After chatting today, we are friends again on Facebook.


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Ugh. I am not feeling too well this morning. My period is due this weekend, and I’m feeling crampy, nauseous and achy. I kinda want to go back to bed right now but that isn’t an option.

Today I don’t have a lot on my calendar, but this evening is our Star Wars RPG. I have a LOT of food products to mark - I cross out the UPCs so they are non-returnable to grocery stores - but other than that things should be quiet at the Blessing Box today. We will probably be busy because the weather is nice, but I don’t have a ton of projects in the works right now.


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Just got a call this morning - BugGirl relapsed last night. She says her guy needs to leave, though she was the one who initiated the idea. He didn’t do anything to stop her and escalated the situation. Thankfully when I got the call, DarkKnight hadn’t left for work yet, so I threw on clothes and was able to keep the car. I’m here outside BugGirl’s apartment, waiting for her to come down now.

I’m assuming the rent money due this weekend is all gone. Sigh. She’s coming over to my house to dry out but I’m not sure what happens next. Does the rehab take her into a different program? I actually really blame the fucking program - BugGirl has been frantic since coming out, trying to find a meeting to attend, her outpatient sponsor and program has still not been set up. Her guy had everything set up for him the very night he got out. I’m livid that they had no support for her. Though, I guess it didn’t matter for either of them. It’s not a magic wand, but she was absolutely left alone too long without support.


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I'm so sorry, BB. Parenting an addict is so hard.


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I'm sorry, too, Bluebird :( She doesn't have to wait for the outpatient program to be set up to get started though. There are usually tons of AA and NA meetings available. In my area, there are literally is at least one meeting per hour within a 20 mile radius, up until 10 pm on week nights, midnight on weekends. She just needs to go to a couple and pick a sponsor (preferably someone who has been clean and sober and in program for years.)


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I wish that were true about meetings. Everything is still closed because of Covid. I drove her to several that were marked online as open, but they weren’t. She and I were both crying in frustration. We did find one on Tuesday night that she went to, But ultimately it wasn’t enough. She doesn’t feel like the online zoom meetings do anything at all for her.


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I wish that were true about meetings. Everything is still closed because of Covid. I drove her to several that were marked online as open, but they weren’t. She and I were both crying in frustration. We did find one on Tuesday night that she went to, But ultimately it wasn’t enough. She doesn’t feel like the online zoom meetings do anything at all for her.
Ugh. I didn't think about that. I live in a red state and the meetings have apparently all reopened. I agree that a zoom meeting doesn't sound like a good option! Ok for a book club, not so much for a 12 step program where part of the process is finding a sponsor which requires some one on one interaction! I'm so sorry, Bluebird... for you and your dd.


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Today was bad. BugGirl came over and fell asleep in DarkKnight’s bedroom. She said that she was probably fired and I should text her boss and see. She said she didn’t want to be with her GuyFriend anymore, that she didn’t and hadn’t really loved him but she got all caught up in helping him and didn’t help herself. Which puts us all in a spot because he is in her apartment. We just can’t kick him to the curb because he will be back in Baltimore in a crack house. He used to be in a gang.

GuyFriend and her are fired. Boss says he will hire her back once she is 6 months clean.

I talked to Michigan and Bean. Between them and myself, we can get the rent paid for the month, since BugGirl and GuyFriend smoked it up (crack).

Michigan will be moving in to BugGirl’s place permanently. We are going to meet next week and plan how to put BugGirl’s stuff in storage. I sent a message to her dad in New York, asking him to pay the $80 a month it would cost and he turned me down flat. Whatever. I also need to stack up all of BugGirl’s already existing bills that she didn’t pay and figure out how to get them paid. I don’t need my son being evicted because he doesn’t have a roommate, and since Michigan needs a home after leaving her boyfriend, this makes sense. I let our family friend know that she won’t be moving in to his house with him in July.

I told GuyFriend that I would help him as best I could, but he had to move out. He’s not on the lease, and though they are friendly, his couch surfing isn’t going to work for Michigan and Bean. I don’t want to just kick him out, but that’s what happening.

I got GuyFriend on a new rehab waiting list. They should have a bed available for him next Thursday. It’s 30 days, and then he transfers directly to a local men’s halfway house, where he will live, work on staying clean and be given more treatment options. Sometime next week I will drive behind him to Baltimore, where he can leave his car and his belongings at his mom’s or grandmother’s. Until he gets into the rehab, he will be couch surfing at Bean’s & Michigan’s place. They are both okay with this since there’s a clear move out date.

I told GuyFriend that I would help him as best I could, but he had to go into treatment, as I don’t have any other options for him. He was quiet and resigned, but did everything I asked him to do today in preparation to transfer there. I really hope it helps him. He was actually doing amazingly well alone - going to his work, his 3-hour groups 3 times a week. My daughter dragged him back down.

I am also willing to be his phone contact person once he earns privileges. He doesn’t have anyone else to call. ☹️

BugGirl literally tore my heart out of my chest today. I spent several hours getting things in motion while she slept, and I pulled favors from several places. I got the OWNER of a local residential home for women to call me personally from his personal cell phone, and rather than go through the application process, he set up a private interview for us in the afternoon, bypassing a lot of procedural stuff. When BugGirl woke up and I told her what was happening, she started crying angrily and shut herself in the bathroom yelling at me, saying I didn’t trust her to know how to handle herself. That she wanted to move in with me and I could monitor her and she could move forward that way. Going to a sobriety house would do no good, she said - and it would just hold her entire life back. It’d be worthless.

The she threw herself at me and fell into my lap (I was sitting on the bed), just pouring tears. I held her while she cried and raged. I explained how this wasn’t a backward step - but the only step. That this place was the newest and best place in our area, and people waited a long time to be admitted, and I am getting her an interview with no wait. She can’t move in with me, because I refuse to be her jailor. She asked me why I was doing this, and I told her because I loved her.

I told her that if someone offered me a superpower, I would use it to heal her heart. Then *I* started ugly-crying, and that made her cry more and we were just a blob of mess.

She said she would do whatever I thought was best.

She’s now been admitted - tonight - to an 8-month live-in program. She will have individual therapy at least 3 times a week, group a few times a week, and CrossFit work out sessions twice a week. She will have her own personal room, an individual goal-setting plan, and she will have a job onsite. The setting is beautiful and the facilities are new.

I really can’t explain how much behind the scenes stuff I had to do today. I am utterly exhausted.

Oh, and I handled about 25 messages for the Blessing Box, in between everything. I had one absolute fucking ROCKSTAR volunteer holding down the fort at my house while I was driving around town dealing with things, and in between my phone calls and messages when I was home - I staged pick ups and helped everyone I could.


I am absolutely done. I have nothing left in my tank today. I have been tired before, but this is to a whole new level. I am finished. There’s no energy to draw upon.

I don’t want accolades. I just want my daughter better. It makes me so very very depressed to know all of this could be for nothing. But I tried. I am trying. I know she will too. That’s why I won’t stop.


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That's really awesome, Bluebird. So great that you were able to get them both into residential programs. I hope this works 🙏🙏🙏 And I hope you can get some rest and recharge time for you.


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With BugGirl’s relapse, I didn’t get to write about my own Wednesday night. I went on a date. Only, not really.

It was a reconnection dinner/hang out with SirGalahad. I mentioned previously that we started talking earlier this week, and on Tuesday night we messaged back and forth for like six hours, leaving me a zombie the next day. Still, we continued to chat and then decided to meet up. One of his beloved cats had passed away in March from kidney failure, which is what my cat Olivia is going through right now. Well, he had prepaid for 4 cases of the specialty food, which cost him $200. Since it’s specifically for cats with kidney disease, he wasn’t about to feed it to his healthy cats, so he offered it to me. I drove down to pick it up.

We went to Red Robin, and the meet up was sort of awkward. I gave him an awkward hug outside. The dinner was good, though I did a lot of the talking because though he had told me all of his woes with his family and exes while texting, I hadn’t really shared much of what was going on with me. It was good conversation. He got a little flirty, but he never made me feel uncomfortable.

We went back to his house to get the food, and he showed me his remodeled basement and his new kitten. The kitten doesn’t have a name, so we spent time making some up. (I have continued to call him Pippin.) We sat and talked for a few more hours, and then I went home.

We did discuss dating again, but I was 100% up front and I told him that since we had had a very D/s dynamic in the bedroom, it would take double the effort for me to trust him again. His complete failure to defend his love for me to his old partner had left me in tears and in therapy. Since I already have attachment issues, I have zero desire to make those worse by dating someone from my past who has already proven they will abandon me.

He acknowledged this. He also shared how utterly devastating his breakup with this other partner has been, but yet how he still thinks about taking her back, if she could just say the right words. He is not over her even a little. He said he goes back and forth in his brain being insanely angry and feeling utterly betrayed and thinking he would never, ever let her into his life again, and then being remorseful and depressed and thinking about how he can’t just let 23 years of his life be for nothing. He cried while talking to me a couple of times - and I don’t even think he noticed. He told me when he met her at 19 and in college, he didn’t even know what polyamory was, but she already had two husbands, and was so very worldly. He said he gave up his idea of a family, of having children, and being monogamous - all of which he very much wanted.

And now he feels it’s all too late for him, and if he doesn’t take her back, he will be all alone forever with nothing.

I absolutely understand the emotional back and forth. I went through similar feelings with my split with PunkRock. Not that last bit, but similar. I told him that, and I tried to give him advice. Of course he should never let this terrible, abusive woman back into his life. Which he knows. But I could see that he was not ready to shut that door entirely - if she hit him at the right moment with apologies for her cheating, if he was low enough, he would take her back.

So when he made a pass at me, I declined. When he flirted with me outrageously, I laughed. I told him that I missed him and I definitely missed the sex, but I would not be able to put myself in a vulnerable position with him, until I was sure he could be trusted. And that would take a long time. I have higher self-esteem than that.

God, I wanted to fuck him though. I haven’t been fucked in the ass like I know he can do in a very long time. Also, I feel very sexually undesired in my currently relationships. I’m loved, but both of my guys right now are in headspaces that aren’t conducive to holding me down and banging the hell out of me. Also, they both have physical injuries! So, no hard and heavy sexy times for me right now.

I told MisterMoonbeam later that I wish I had no history with SirGalahad. I would enjoy having him as a FWB. But I like him too much - I love him too much - already. It would end in pain.

But we are going to keep talking. I like him very much as a friend. Maybe there will be more in the future. I dunno. The breakup with his partner was in October of last year - so like 8 months ago? Maybe it was November? I don’t quite remember. I do know that talking with him was easy.


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With all that's going on, it sounds like you don't need another person to "fix" and worry about.

I get it about the sex though. It sucks both your partners are off sex. I'm sure with all your stress it would help you a lot. I wonder if you could find another guy just for some friendship and sex?

I'm sorry about BugGirl. It's so triggering to me because of my own daughter's past, I can't really comment.


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I don’t need another partner. Full stop.


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I’m getting ready right now to go to the NJ Renaissance Faire with MisterMoonbeam. It’s his birthday weekend, but we are officially celebrating on Monday with a family BBQ. I’m on the second or third day of my period and I’m heavy, so this should be not so fun! I’m hoping things taper off tonight so my dress is in no danger of leaks tomorrow! I’m also nervous about fitting in my dress. The original corset didn’t fit because it was waaay too big. The current corset is a bit small. We should have gone with the middle size. Too late now. If anything I guess it won’t matter if the gap between the laces are a tad bigger. The top itself looks amazing on me, and the skirt is fully adjustable, so those parts are fine.

Today we are planning on driving up to a hotel in the area, with a stop in one of the northeastern state parks. Fair Hill maybe? It’s supposed to be rainy later, so Idk. I am going to pack some board games in a minute too.I’d like to be out of the house and in the road by 10 am.


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The corset fit perfectly! I was so very nervous but everything worked out. I was anxious about the weather as well, but though it rained the entire time, it vacillated between a misting and just a bit of drizzle. The temp did drop to 50 degrees with wind, so we bought this cloak there at the Faire just as quickly as we could find something.

MisterMoonbeam got me the rose in my bodice as soon as we entered, which was super sweet. ❤️ He stopped the flower seller while I was looking at other items in a tent nearby.

My hair was kinda crazy, but I planned to get it braided and buy a flower crown, but there wasn’t really anything like that there. Oh well! I had the hood on my cloak up and down, so my hair was messy anyway.

I had to wear my waterproof hiking boots and I was glad I had packed them - for hiking. Lol I had brought along some soft gray and black suade-ish booties, but in the morning I was like, nah. The weather would have destroyed them! The length of my skirt was perfect - it hid the Tims and it didn’t get dirty at all. I saw lots of ladies dragging mud and stained hems.

It was REALLY nice to escape for the weekend, and even better to attend an event for the first time in forever. I was so very excited, and I felt beautiful, in spite of my wayward hair and lack of makeup. I still really struggle with the fact that I seem to be allergic to almost everything I try, but the last few days I’ve been able to put on bronzer and concealer without any reactions! Foundation still seems to fuck me up, and I can’t put anything on my eyes without them sealing shut and puffing up. It’s been like 3 years with absolutely nothing on my face, so the little bit I can wear, I am ecstatic over!
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So my youngest, LittleMichigan, contacted me last night saying that she was not taking over BugGirl’s lease, and that she just wanted to stay at the apartment until she had enough money to move out on her own. I was flabbergasted. I asked her why she was changing her mind, and she told me she had never said she was staying. However, I scrolled back up our message feed and took a screenshot of exactly where she HAD said that.

Not that it mattered - I’m certainly not going to force her somehow to stay when she hadn’t signed a lease yet or if she didn’t feel it was best for her! After some back and forth, I told her that, but unfortunately she couldn’t just stay until she felt like moving out. My son BeanBoy is living there, and he definitely cannot afford the rent on his own - she just can’t decide to be gone suddenly, as he would need time to make his own arrangements.

Meanwhile, I am freaking out, because making BeanBoy move is going to upset his life, and because he has a mental disability, this is going to above all upset MY life, because I have to do all the legwork in this.

Thankfully, I had an immediate idea of contacting the family friend who had agreed a while back to let LittleMichigan move in this summer. She didn’t want to do that anymore, but maybe he still had the room to rent.

He did, thank goodness. So my son is moving in with him when our friend closes on his house at the beginning of July. The cost is less than what my son is paying now, and he is able to take BugGirl’s cat with him.

LittleMichigan wasn’t excited to know that she’d have to move out by the end of July, but I made her understand she couldn’t leave BeanBoy in the lurch with an open-ended need like that. Also, he is due to sign the one-year lease on the apartment they are currently in next week! And they require a one month notification. Gah!

LittleMichigan thinks that BugGirl may have already signed her part of the lease, which would be a problem, but Maryland has a medical dismissal law, so I would just have to get a doctor at her residential center to sign a form saying she cannot live there while receiving her current treatment, and they would have to let her go.

Anyway, this decision of LittleMichigan’s means that I now have to get an entire two bedroom apartment packed up and ready to go in a month. This is on the heels of packing up LittleMichigan’s place in ONE DAY when she left her boyfriend last month.

I would have a nervous breakdown if I could find time on the schedule! Actually, MisterMoonbeam got to witness my anxiety in action - and he remarked on how well I handled it. I mean, he saw me freak out and then collect myself and start using a lot of the coping mechanisms I’ve managed to develop. He said he was really impressed with how I managed to keep it together after WTF ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! by breathing, talking it through calmly, making a written list, and then executing my plan. I told him this is pretty much how I have always been. My old therapist said the way I deal with unexpected anxiety is really good - I redirect it in constructive ways.

So, yay me! Though honestly, I am just exhausted to think that now on top of everything else I have to figure out this breaking the lease and packing and moving thing when I already have SO much going on.

Overall it’s just a blip but in the short term, Imma need another trip away after this!

I also got a call yesterday from the rehab in town where BugGirl’s GuyFriend is going on Thursday, and they have a space available now on Tuesday. Which is good news, since he is just on the couch waiting. On Monday I am going to have him drive all of his belongings and his car to a family member in Baltimore’s place, with me following him behind to bring him back. He will sleep over at our place tomorrow night, and then I will bring him to rehab on Tuesday morning when they open, to be admitted. Things are falling into place for him and it feels good to see that happening.

I spoke with MisterMoonbeam before all of this nonsense yesterday about our own plans, and not much about those are changing. He is 100% wanting and willing to be the point person on buying our building next year, and we are on the same page with what we will be looking for. Ideally, I want two separate glass storefronts - one for my Blessing Box, and the other for opening a Cat Cafe. We need living space on the floors above street level, but for that we are down for a big loft or separate apartments. MisterMoonbeam has never owned real estate, but his credit score is climbing (it wasn’t terrible, but it was being lowered by high utilization on his credit cards and he’s paying these down now) and I’m helping him with past medical debts and back taxes so no surprises pop up. I haven’t been able to do as much as I’ve wanted to with that lately, but we have time.

Anyway, the plan is to have him purchase the building, and he will sign a $1/year lease with me for a decade+ or something for my soon-to-be-nonprofits. That way if we break up, my stuff won’t go to shit. DarkKnight will keep complete ownership of the house we are currently living in, so that can continue to gain equity. We are going to rent it to BugGirl and BeanBoy after we move into the building, so they will have a rent stabilized location and not have to worry. They were actually paying rent equal to more than our mortgage, so it’s in their budget.

With BugGirl being in residential for her addiction right now, she will have a couple of options when coming out of there. She can move into our home then (since it will be February or later next year and our timeline to buy is next summer) and stay in our foster kitten room (without the fosters, of course). This way she won’t have any stress about trying to find an apartment and can just focus on getting a good job. She can also then help us with choosing paint colors and which repairs she thinks are the most important, since it will soon be her permanent home. :)

However, if she doesn’t like that option, our family friend has said he will have an empty bedroom there as well, that she is welcome to move into, and be roommates with him and BeanBoy. Either indefinitely, or until we are out of our own house.

I suppose she may change her mind entirely about taking over our current home, but if that’s the case, there won’t be any issue - BeanBoy and her can continue to rent from our friend with no issues, and we will then either decide to sell, or find another tenant with the help from a property management company. I don’t see that happening right now - BugGirl almost started crying when we brought up the idea of her moving into this house when she first came to Maryland, and BeanBoy said he would love to have a whole house instead of just an apartment.

Soooo, the plan right now is for the current 4 foster cats that we are caring for, to return to our friend’s new house by July 10. By then BeanBoy will be moved, and what’s left in the apartment will be BugGirl’s furniture and personal stuff. We are going to use the foster room to safely keep her items, rather than pay the cost for a storage unit. This means no more foster kittens or cats for the rest of the year, but that’s okay. Family comes first.

We are going to have a big family meeting next Wednesday evening to discuss all of this and make sure everyone is on the same page.
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