Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

Bluebird

Well-known member
Today’s the first time that only having one car has actually altered my plans. I was hoping to go to SirGawain’s all day, as he is working from home. Unfortunately, DarkKnight can’t get home from his own work, so I have to stay home and wait to 4 pm for him to get here so I can take the car. I’m really bummed out, but I am glad I can still go and have a sleepover later.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
For a day off, I had a bunch going on with the Blessing Box. I’m a little bit irritated because a social worker contacted me a while ago about a woman who she said had a size 58” waist. I got her a winter coat, a hoodie, 4 tunics and 10 pairs of pants. They just stopped by to pick up, and this chick looked like MAYBE a 3x. Not the 6xs that we bought for her. Sigh. I doubt anything will fit and I’m aggravated because that’s a lot of crowd sourcing for sizes that could have gone to someone else. So I don’t know whether to hope that she’s really bigger than she looked or if they ask for help again because they fucked up. I want the lady to have some options!

I also had some dry food boxes dropped off, and lots of baby food that will need to be sorted tomorrow. I had a homeless couple request toiletries, and I put together two bags of that for them - deodorant, body wash, toothbrushes, etc. We are completely out of deodorant now, men’s and women’s, so that has me a little stressed.

Another woman came over and took a huge bag of toilet paper, several packs of diapers and some dog food. She hits me up once a month and delivers to seniors in the area who are home bound. So I shell out a bunch of stuff to her all at once, unlike what I do for others.

Right now I am waiting for a donor to stop by with a desk, some egg chairs and a dresser. I don’t normally have furniture delivered here but the donor wanted to drop off quick. This stuff is going to move into my living room until tomorrow - but it will be gone for sure during the day! All of these things are highly requested items.

I am hoping DarkKnight gets here soon because I can finally take the car and head to SirGawain’s! SG says he is ready to collapse today, even though he worked from home. Lol I was hoping to go out for a bit since I lived in my pajamas today, but I am down to watch some more episodes of Vikings, if that’s all he has stamina for tonight.

I hope DarkKnight is okay. Yesterday evening he was tearing up and crying for like no reason at all. He said he thinks his new medication is making him hormonal! He said he can’t pinpoint anything that would be making him a mess other than the meds. I do remember that the last time they adjusted his medication the same thing happened.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I am soooo out of sorts today. I’m home alone, as MisterMoonbeam had to go into the office. He is on his way home with lunch though, so I should have a boost in about an hour or so. I also have volunteers arriving at 1 pm.

The city zoning department has set our meeting in a couple of weeks. I’m feeling a little defeated but trying not to be anxious, as there is zero I can do to change anything up between now and then. MisterMoonbeam said he will attend with me, so that’s good. When we become an official nonprofit, he’ll be the president, so it makes sense that he goes too.

I’m overwhelmed with Senior Santa letters today, so I’m pretty sick of data entry! I have about 15 or so to put into the database and match up with sponsors. That’s all set really, I just need to do it!

I have some furniture sitting in the middle of my living room that has to move out today. My furniture guy isn’t available, so no delivery means it will sit until I match up with the right person on the waiting list. Right now I’m waiting to hear from my contact at the local recovery house - I’m pretty sure she’s taking most of it.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Oh dear, I just had a young mom break down crying on my porch. She asked me for pull-ups, so I gave her those, with some baby wipes. I asked her if she needed a new crib mattress because we had one without a home, but she didn’t. When I went to go back inside, she blurted out that she did need a car - could we help her with a car?

I turned around and was like, uh…but then she took a breath and said she had a car, and what she needs is help fixing it. Then she burst into tears, saying she was so scared it was going to break and she can’t afford to lose her job - she has to take care of her family.

Apparently it needs a belt and a tune up and it’s getting really bad. She said the quote was $478, and who has $478? She was on her way into work just then, but then they called and told her they had too much labor and they didn’t need her today. “What can I do? I can’t even go in so I can pay my bills. I can’t fix the car. If it breaks, I don’t know what to do!”

Oh she was breaking my heart. I told her the truth - no one funds car repairs. I told her to message me and I would post about it but I couldn’t be very optimistic. I want to help her though, so I am willing to try. I know what it feels like to be in that sort of predicament. ❤️
 

AlwaysGrowing

Well-known member
Oh dear, I just had a young mom break down crying on my porch. She asked me for pull-ups, so I gave her those, with some baby wipes. I asked her if she needed a new crib mattress because we had one without a home, but she didn’t. When I went to go back inside, she blurted out that she did need a car - could we help her with a car?

I turned around and was like, uh…but then she took a breath and said she had a car, and what she needs is help fixing it. Then she burst into tears, saying she was so scared it was going to break and she can’t afford to lose her job - she has to take care of her family.

Apparently it needs a belt and a tune up and it’s getting really bad. She said the quote was $478, and who has $478? She was on her way into work just then, but then they called and told her they had too much labor and they didn’t need her today. “What can I do? I can’t even go in so I can pay my bills. I can’t fix the car. If it breaks, I don’t know what to do!”

Oh she was breaking my heart. I told her the truth - no one funds car repairs. I told her to message me and I would post about it but I couldn’t be very optimistic. I want to help her though, so I am willing to try. I know what it feels like to be in that sort of predicament. ❤️
I wouldn't give up hope. In my small town, there are quite a few (unlicensed but able) people who are willing to do the labor when people are in real need. The parts themselves always seem so cheap when compared to the labor that others pull together to either give the person in need oddjobs to earn the cash OR just pool resources and make it happen. With your network of helpers? I would find it hard to believe no one will be willing to help piece it together.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
It’s actually a common thing here - I really do struggle with finding help with car repairs. They just don’t get funded. 🤷‍♀️ No one wants to help with those, for whatever reason. I’m waiting for her to message me some details - I’m willing to try.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I had a really good date with the OKC guy yesterday evening. We met at Wegmans so we could grab food and chill in their outdoor seating area. There was literally no one there for 98% of the time, so we were able to talk about a lot, which is what I wanted. We talked for 5 hours!

One of the first things he did was bring up his mansplaining on Facebook, which was nice, since I had planned to discuss it with him. He immediately acknowledged he was in the wrong and wanted to discuss it. So I appreciated that lots. He’s not completely clueless - yay!

We talked a lot about general life stuff, and he explained some stuff about his two failed marriages. I talked about my two failed marriages as well. He told me a bunch about the different sort of BDSM, M/s, D/s configurations he’s been involved with in the past - and I heard of some combinations I’d never even considered. I think we are going to be compatible in a lot of ways. I’m not sure where the sexual side of the relationship will end up falling on the spectrum, to be honest.

He went today to get tested - and I asked him to include the HSV-1 & HSV-2 tests, and he said he would. I’m going to go to his place Sunday night, but not for a sleepover. His son is living with him, having moved in during Covid, and he said he’d like to have a no-sex visit first where he and I really just hang out and watch a movie or something so his son is cool with me being there. (The son is 17.) Apparently, he’s never had a woman over since his son moved in. (During Covid - up to this point his son lived with his ex wife.) I’m totally cool with that.

Tomorrow is Ren Faire and I am super excited!
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Ugh ugh ugh

I’m a mess tonight. I was really trying to be in a good mood, but SirGawain is in a funk and anxious that his ex and her cheating partner may be at the Ren Faire tomorrow. He set me off emotionally, and I am concerned we may break up. I told him from the very beginning that I can’t handle any sort of contact between him and her - I will not be connected to drama between them, period. Meanwhile he is now once again practicing speeches that he might make if he sees her, about how she deserves to be alone and he’s never taking her back. And she’s regretful, etc. I just can’t. When we hung up the phone together tonight, I started crying. I can’t deal with it.

Also, the rope stuff with MisterMoonbeam has me in my feelings. He’s just been so loving and playful lately, and I feel super connected to him. But I’m getting anxious because here I am finally at one with him and he’s doing so great in therapy, and I am terrified he’s going to leave me. He got a hair cut tonight and he looked hot as hell and I was legitimately just like, well, that was a good run. Which is terribly unfair, and I recognize that. I’m sure this will pass but right now it’s got me a mess inside. He has no plans to leave me and he’s a wonderful partner. I need to shut off the negative tape, is all.

I think I am just wound up right now. I was nonstop today in spite of it being my day off. I had posted some Senior Santa letters, asking for sponsors this morning around 8 am, and here it is after 10 pm and I STILL have 85 people who want to help that I haven’t answered. I just sent a cut and paste generic message to each of them telling them I will match them up next week. It’s a lovely problem to have, but holy shit I am one single person!

Oh and my car went for a 30,000 service this morning and I actually had a tire about to explode and the visit ended up costing $690 that I didn’t have to drop but I had no choice. So that got me emotional too.

I was hoping to recharge tomorrow with the Ren Faire, but now SirGawain is going to be anxious and on edge. I really need a fun and calm day playing dress up and being happy but I am afraid that is not going to be possible. I can tell you one thing, this phone is being shut the fuck off!
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Feeling much better this morning, my mood is UP. I’m looking good in my Ren Faire garb and my guys are as well. I wanna lift up my skirts and lift up their skirts! Lol
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Left to Right: DarkKnight, MisterMoonbeam, BlueBird and SirGawain

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Here’s my polycule, today at Ren Faire. It was quite windy - we left shortly after this pic was taken and it started raining buckets! Still, we had a long and fun day. Love these guys!

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Bluebird

Well-known member
I was hoping we'd get pics! Gorgeous, @Bluebird
Yes :) I asked SirGawain about showing his mug and he said he was fine with it. I was hoping so because I love our group pic!
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
So I had my fourth meet up with this OKC guy, and last night it was at his house. I was there from 7 pm to 11 pm. We spent 3 hours just talking, and discussing exactly what sort of relationship we were looking for right now.

I told him truthfully that I don’t really have time for another primary, and he said he would be fine with just a play partner - that’s really what he’s been missing in his life over Covid. I think I am down for that right now, to be honest, as long as things are clearly defined. We talked a bit about what that sort of relationship would be like, and he’s down to navigate all sorts of kinks with me. He seems really experienced with what I would consider crazy high-level stuff that I know nothing about! He told me that he’s up for whatever I’d like to explore and that he’d prefer we take it slow so I am certain about everything. I definitely felt heard and safe.

We spent the last hour with his hands all up in my junk, with me getting finger-blasted into oblivion. Like, he did things with his hands I didn’t know were possible! He gotta a little firm with my brat too, in ways I hadn’t experienced before. It was fun AF! He definitely knows what he’s doing as a Dom. His pants never came off since his test results aren’t back yet, so I appreciated him listening and respecting my boundaries with that.

Anyway, things were good! I’m hoping to schedule time once his tests come back over the next few days to talk and play some more.

It was a little weird going straight from SirGawain’s house to this dude’s place, and then being picked up by MisterMoonbeam. I had a good date day with SirGawain - we got up and went out for a delicious brunch, came back and snuggled while watching an episode of Vikings and then he cleaned parts of the house (dishes, laundry, vacuuming) while I tried to assemble another dining room bookcase. Then he ordered DoorDash and then I was gone. I loved being domestic with him, but I wish I had another overnight - the night we had together we were both exhausted from the running around at Ren Faire. I think I will see him again on Wednesday - my schedule isn’t set yet for the week but I should spend some time figuring that out today.

I think I need more snuggle time with SirGawain - honestly, having to contemplate enforcing my boundary concerning his ex put me in a headspace that I didn’t like. I love this guy like crazy and it was like my worst fear from back when we started seeing each other again was coming true. I don’t wanna split with him. He means so much more to me now than the other times we’ve dated. I don’t think he’s in the same place with that, and while that’s okay, it does make me slightly anxious when stuff comes up.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
My ex husband just messaged me. Yes, the alcoholic that cheated on me while we were in an open relationship. PunkRockNot-So-Awesomesauce, after taking advantage of me letting him keep his things in my house for extra months after he left to go shack up with the cheating partner, refused to pay the money he still owed me and agree to pay - $3000. Which I decided to just let him leave with because that’s the kind of person I am and I didn’t want to drag it out.

He messaged me, after almost 2 years of zero contact, asking me to sign paperwork to help him get a mortgage loan.

Prior to this, his last message to me was, “I’ve given enough. I’m not giving you any more... I don’t feel obligated to sacrifice myself for you any more.”

Guess what my response was? That’s right, a straight up copy/paste. Nothing has ever synced up better. Once it showed as delivered, I blocked him.

I’m not a petty person. I’m usually better than this. But I have to say once in a while, it’s nice to be a jerkface to someone you feel deserves it.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Also, fuck him for breaking my calm. I thought I had reached a point where he couldn’t bother me anymore. I actually go several days without him even crossing my mind. He’s out of my life. To just suddenly have him intrusively just pop back up and act like we’re friendly, oh hell no. I burst into tears - both in anger and in hurt.

It felt cathartic to block him. I won’t apologize for my response. I do feel like it was the wrong one, because I don’t often choose the bad place, but I don’t regret it. Like, either way I chose was going to bother me. If I played sweet and let him come over and signed his papers, well, then I’d feel bad about myself for being a pushover. I’d rather feel bad for being an asshole. And I don’t really think this is prime asshole behavior, so the feeling will pass.
 

TinCup

Member
I'm just a nobody out in the interwebs.

You said:
“I’ve given enough. I’m not giving you any more... I don’t feel obligated to sacrifice myself for you any more.”

which "synced" for you so I assume it's just the truth.

I’m usually better than this.

How can you be better than truth?

I won’t apologize for my response.

Why would you apologize for truth?

And I don’t really think this is prime asshole behavior

I agree.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
You’ve made me tear up again. I feel like I should always choose to help. It’s my default. So to just shut down a request abruptly, it’s not me. It makes me feel confused, and agitated.

Tonight I spent a second evening with MisterMoonbeam. He tied me up and I almost fell asleep on him. It calmed me down; I slipped into subspace so easily. I can’t explain how it feels - it’s wonderful. He made a star pattern on my chest and it made me teary. I didn’t expect it to be beautiful and when I looked in the mirror, I felt beautiful. He says he is very interested and excited to practice more on me. He has taken classes in the past but he hasn’t done anything in a while. I am here for that, for sure.

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Bluebird

Well-known member
So I broke things off with the guy from OKC a few minutes ago. Lots of reasons why, but primarily issues to do with time - I don’t have enough to really devote to another relationship - and my lack of feeling a spark. Also, I really was experiencing a disconnect from SirGawain and I could tell he wasn’t happy with me expanding my circle right now. If it’s not a joyful yes, then I am okay with backing off a bit for a while!

This particular guy had me excited to start up with BDSM, but it just wasn’t a good fit right now. I really do want to have space available for a female partner whenever she appears! AND I am sooooo into my connection with MisterMoonbeam right now, as he is coming out of his depression fog a bit. Adding another Dom dude into the mix just seems somewhat gratuitous.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Saw my youngest, LittleMichigan, today. I told her about the message from her bonus dad and started reading it to her. She stopped me after the *Hey, how are you? Hope things are great* intro and was like, wow what did he want from you? When I explained his paperwork issue, she said, “please tell me you didn’t do it!” She told me I shouldn’t feel bad because he clearly didn’t feel bad about what he did or he would have reached out long before he needed something. She said, “Mom - you even kept his stuff after he moved out! No one does that. You found stuff a year later and gave it to me to give to him. He never said thank you. He just expected it. I’m glad you said no. You need to respect yourself more.”

Hearing that definitely made me feel better. I’m hoping I can go back to my life that I’m building with my loves now, without anymore of him…being him, where I have to experience it.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
This morning I had a meeting with the city, about my neighbor complaining again about the Blessing Box existing. I was really anxious about it, and MisterMoonbeam went with me, since he will be the chairman of the board once I become a nonprofit.

Things were really positive! The mayor was there, a city council member (who has always been a donor), the city administrator, and two people from zoning as well. Basically, they are hooking us up with the economic development office to find a building next year and will help us apply for grants to assist in paying for it. On the way out afterward, the city council member said that we are going to be pleasantly surprised when we see how much assistance there is available for the process. So that was reassuring.

They are asking us to hold our Christmas decoration giveaway at the building downtown where the city farmer’s market is, so we won’t have traffic issues on that date. One of the zoning people is going to coordinate that and get back to me. They were all very positive except for one guy whose job it is to be grumpy. Lol They said for my next baby day giveaway in March, they want me to hold it in a shopping center parking lot, which is close by. They’re going to help coordinate that too, but we will worrry about that next year.

The only thing I need to focus on right now is getting my nonprofit paperwork completed. I really need to stop putting it off - it’s one of those impossible tasks I have to stop to focus on. I told them I would have it done by the end of the year, so now I have a firm deadline to get that on my calendar! I’m going to need like $300 to file it, but I think I can crowd fund it. I mean, I have to - there’s only like 4 pay days before Christmas and I need to get that sorted for my family! I have to get our matching pajamas this next payday, and then I’ll only have 3 more to buy my kids’ gifts and presents for my loves. Gah!
 
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