Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

MisterMoonbeam came home and I guess I was asleep! Yay! I celebrate sleep because I seem to do it in 2-3 hour chunks. He stripped my bed and remade it with fresh sheets so I am happy. At the moment I am seated in the cushy side chair that we moved in from DarkKnight’s room. I am a little uncomfortable along my incision but I figure I will eat lunch here.

Also, I can see out on my deck from here! MisterMoonbeam laughed when I asked him about him using the leaf blower and he said he actually had it on his mental to do list today as well! He’s just fed the cats and is now outside moving the furniture off. He wants to power wash the surface as well. It’s a beautiful day out but he says it’s almost 80 degrees so I will sit in this chair with the fan on me and enjoy the view with the slider closed. Maybe tonight when it is cooler I can sit out there.

I'm very sorry you're having such a difficult, painful recovery. I wish there was something I could say to make it easier.

Yay! MisterMoonbeam finished pressure washing the deck carpet. Tomorrow when he’s sure it’s dry he’ll put our 3 furniture groups back on to it. Getting this cleaned up makes me happy, but it also gets me thinking about how we are planning to replace it with a new deck next year, complete with a wheelchair ramp. I have no idea how we are going to pay for it, but it’s the next big project we are tackling with our house. (The first being the $10,000 plumbing stuff we did last summer.)

I pooped tonight with no enema! Yayyyyy! I just took my night time oxy and Tylenol. Hopefully I get a good sleep tonight.
Good news: I am doing so much better with moving - both around the house but also in transitions. The pain seems to be managed for the most part. I was able to stand and shower by myself today without needing partner support or the shower chair to take a break.

Iffy: Gas pains are shitty. I did poop without an enema yesterday so I’m keeping my fingers crossed tonight will also be good.

Bad: I’m scared of the internal bleeding on my right side they saw on the CAT scan in the ER, though my surgeon says it’s not currently happening. I’m still feeling bruised there (though there’s not a visible bruise) and now that the staples are gone that side of my incision is foldy? I don’t touch it because I’m not looking to get an infection, but today in the shower I though maybe there was a folded piece of tape there and it was my fucking skin.

I had an emotional meltdown and was crying. That seems to be easy lately. I’m worried about that being a regular sort of occurrence. MisterMoonbeam found a list with our insurance of endocrinologists and I am going to call on Monday to see if I can get an appointment. There seems to be at least 3 here that deal with both diabetes and with HRT following medical menopause. I am on day 3 with the estradiol pill and I am still having absolute overheating sweat fests followed by freezing shakes.
I'm on Estradiol patches and Progesterone pills (which I learned to take at night) and it's a godsend. And that's just for ordinary perimenopause. I hope you get the right HRT very soon!
I’m taking the estradiol pill after dinner!
Hang in there as they figure out what your "just right" is going to be.

HRT was a godsend for me in perimenopause. But mine had to come from the compound pharmacy to get the "just right" blend. Off the shelf wasn't doing it. Evening primrose gel caps or rubbing it on helped turn down the volume on the hot flashes and cold flashes til they could get my dose "just right." Didn't take it away, but turned down the volume.

I called the endocrinology office this morning but they require a written referral. So, I requested one from my regular doctor via the app. Now waiting.

I am also still waiting to hear from our car insurance company about switching me to MisterMoonbeam’s policy, even though it’s DarkKnight’s car that I drive on the regular. Apparently the agent is out of office until Wednesday so that’s still on hold for now.

I had a terrible overnight and didn’t sleep until 4 am. I’m having bad back pain today.

I have been pooping on my own, so I guess the way to make that happen is to order enemas in bulk from Amazon. 😅 Guaranteed to not have to open the box!

I’ve been letting some of the cats into the bedroom and they’re behaving so far. I’m not letting them in overnight as they could jump on me when sleeping. But they’re doing okay during the day.

I had a long talk with MisterMoonbeam yesterday about retirement and finances and my upcoming job search. I’ve been reading and planning and amassing info for a while and I’m still feeling really over my head with this. He hadn’t really given anything a lot of thought before either, so it was not a productive conversation but it was helpful. My bestie in NY happened to call me right before and she talked to me a lot about her situation. It sounds like she’s floundering too - her husband has a degenerative health diagnosis.

It stresses me out that I don’t have a good plan. However, right now I am still going to focus on final expense and inheritance planning instead as that is progressing. DarkKnight is currently behind on this as his insurance companies are sooooo slow in responding for paperwork requests.
I'm sorry you are still in pain but this too will pass. Hopefully soon xx

At the same time the fact you are thinking of future job plans. That's amazing! What are you thinking. I find for me when I think of the things I can/will do helps me out of any current issues. I hope your healing gets smoother xx
I don’t know what I wanna be when I grow up, honestly. I would love to again focus on operating a cat cafe, but I’m terrified of sinking lots of money to start a business and not have enough time to develop it before my guys retire. So I don’t know at this point.

I have two Associate degrees (AS: Administrative Assistant and AA: Liberal Arts & Sciences) and an abandoned Bachelors (BS: International Business Management). I worked as the assistant to the president of a small telephony company for about 5 years, and then sporadically did part time work after I adopted my children, as a paraprofessional in both high school and elementary school special ed and general ed classrooms. I also ran my own business for 7 years, teaching high school level lab science to homeschooled teens - Biology, Chemistry & Astronomy. Then of course I had my Blessing Box community outreach that I did for 6 years with a lot of volunteerism with fostering cats. I worked in a grants office for a bit and have some ancient experience applying for those.

I’m a half-decent writer and crafter. I’ve always been quick on learning foreign languages. I know I want flexibility in my schedule. I do not want an MLM. I just want to make a certain amount of money each month/year to start an additional retirement savings account, and/or to pay for extra trips and fun. I’m not sure what that number is yet though.

I did have both of my nesting partners check out the social security page and see how much their payments from there will be when they retire. None of us really had any idea, in spite of the reading I’d been doing. I’ve assisted a great number of people on social security who receive not much a month so I figured that would be our situation. I also didn’t realize that I could get payments as well, as a spouse, once they start collecting, so that was a happy surprise. I can get an amount equal to half of my legal spouse’s portion since I don’t have enough of credited hours to have my own. I also didn’t know how much Medicare costs or what we might need.

It is difficult to make plans when government things will probably change in the future, so I can only work on numbers now. So we will see how it goes. But the payout numbers were MUCH higher than any of us expected and the cost of Medicare was less than we expected. Of course, the medical stuff could end up being different too, depending on what parts we pay for, etc. I definitely need to do more reading on things.

Anyway, after looking at that, we looked at MisterMoonbeam’s 401(k), and we are actually really close to being okay at a glance. His work had an app to estimate stuff. So the stress isn’t as much right now.

Overall, I think we aren’t terrible. However, who the fuck knows if one of us dies or needs a lot of medical long term nursing care. We could save and save and not be able to cover what is needed for that. Odds are actually good that it will be a shit show medically, given my more recent experiences with trying to minimize costs and work things out!
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My sleep schedule is pretty fucked still. I’m only getting like 1- 3 hour dozes and then I wake up in sweat. I did get a referral and almost instant insurance approval to see an endocrinologist. The office is supposed to call me to make an appointment. I hope the wait isn’t too terrible.

I canceled a date day with TheEngineer on Tuesday because I legit had 3 hours of sleep on Monday night. Here it is midnight morning on Wednesday and I legit can feel my body temp increasing as I type. Ugh.

I’m also unhappy at the moment with how DRY my skin is feeling all over my body. To be fair, I haven’t put on lotion since two days before my surgery, but my skin is like, loose on my legs and other body parts. My feet are scratchy. And, since I’m not shaving below my waist for now, everything feels like it’s not mine. It’s weird to have hair on my private parts. The good news is that those parts aren’t scratchy. lol Anyway, I’m going to make covering myself in lotion a priority. It just hasn’t been on my radar, which I guess is a good sign that I feel well enough with other things now to finally notice something like this. But hell have some of my regular day to day hygiene routines been interrupted!
Just had a crying fit because I have a pimple on my face. Fuck this surgical menopause bullshit. I’m tired of being in the house (even though I’ve been on the back deck for an hour each day) and I don’t like this life.
I haven't gone into medical menopause but am in that space. I have to use non perfumed (simple) face wash. It really helps. The same for moisturiser or tea tree oil based. Take your time but as you said before look after you, when you can be arsed. But if that takes time don't punish yourself. Your mind and body has been through so much xx
I know. I’m trying. I’m not used to being idle like this and the combination of forced stillness and pain and then my vanity has me in a spiral. I’m sure it will stop eventually but right now I feel besieged by my body and circumstances are unfair.

This is me whining.

❤️ I appreciate the support.

I went on a walk today! It was just a half lap around my neighborhood, with MisterMoonbeam by my side to stabilize me if needed. It wasn’t needed. :) I did great!

It was lovely to be out and away from my house, if only for 15 minutes. :) Also, this is absolutely the first time I’ve worn clothing other than a tshirt dress since surgery. I put on a bra, y’all! I didn’t wear any makeup though.

Today is exactly 3 weeks after my hysterectomy. I’m now back home, back in my tshirt dress, about to watch the new episodes of Bridgerton. When I made it back to the house, DarkKnight put together lunch for me.

I’m feeling much more optimistic today.

This is yesterday’s after-walk photo. It’s been nice to shower and dress in real clothes, even if they are on my body for only about an hour!

I think I am completely off of the opiates now. I definitely still need the stool softeners and the Tylenol, but overall I am greatly improved.

This morning we had a power outage but it was fixed within an hour. I went back to sleep all morning and when I awoke, MisterMoonbeam and DarkKnight had been working on the front planting bed before it got too hot out. They procured me a chair and I sat under the cherry tree in the shade and pointed out stuff for them to do. lol MisterMoonbeam had removed the overgrown rhododendron with the chainsaw, as well as a small boxwood. I had him cut the center deadwood out of the viburnum too. DarkKnight carted everything into the backyard to the fire pit. Several of the remaining boxwoods got trimmed back as well, and we all talked about what we wanted to plant along that front side of the house.

The area now needs raked out and mulched. I want to plant some native stuff there but that is not happening today at all. It’s now like 97 degrees out and household chores are being completed inside while I lay in bed, frustrated I can’t do anything else.

I bought a new king size top mattress and it is arriving today. I also got a new mattress cover for it, as the one on my current bed is stained up already. It was worth the $30 last year! lol The set up I have now is two twin split boxsprings and mattresses that the original owner left behind. Legit, I think they were here in 1987 when the bedroom remodel was redone! This was the only bed we didn’t buy new when moving into the house. The guys both have brand new queen beds. Mine has been okay but it’s definitely time for it to go!

I just bought a 12” Chime medium firm mattress on Amazon. I figure it will be better than what I’m currently on and it has a good return policy so if it sucks I can order something else when I’m better. Just know that laying on this bed for so long has definitely got my back upset so a change is much needed!

Anyway, when I ordered it two days ago, it said delivery on Tuesday. Oh holy shit I just got an alert that it’s delivered NOW. Time to stop typing and get the fuck up. Lol
Gah! The mattress is very comfy but way way softer than I would have chosen in person. I did sleep well when I finally fell asleep (4 am until noon) but I’m not sure if it’s going to cut it long term. I’m irritated at the idea of figuring out a return on it though. Maybe I will learn to love it!

MisterMoonbeam has a poison ivy rash. Not from yesterday, but from tugging on vines in the backyard the other day. I told him I thought they were and he scoffed at me. Well now his left arm and face have a rash. With the heat I know he’s going to be miserable. :(
So, I started bleeding today. Thankfully I have been expecting it, since the last time I saw my surgeon he said it would happen. Apparently this means my body is starting to absorb the internal stitches. Yay?

I was definitely feeling off this afternoon. I did sit outside under the cherry tree again today and basically did nothing. I did shower, which is when I discovered the blood coming out of my vagina! Thankfully it was not very heavy and it didn’t get on anything. I’m wearing a pad now. I was prepared!

BugGirl came over for Father’s Day and treated both her stepdads to Starbucks. She brought MisterMoonbeam some expensive poison ivy treatment too. My guys also heard from my other kiddos too, so that was nice.

I’ve been watching a lot of shows on Dropout TV. Definitely recommend Game Changer - I’ve seen all of those and all of SmartyPants and Thousandaires. Fun! I also watched Total Forgiveness which made me feel sad about student loan debt. lol

I’ve also been reading a lot. I read the 3 Body Problem trilogy, and I’m now starting the third book in the Red Rising - Golden Son books - I can’t remember the series name right now. Also two Power of the Stars series books and some trash Renaissance Alliance alien sex books.

I sleep a lot. And then I don’t sleep at all from hot flashes and nightmares. I’m hoping the days continue to pass quickly so I can feel better.
Our power went out AGAIN this morning! This time I heard a big bang that sounded right outside of our house. It’s actually back on again now, so whatever it was the electric company responded quickly. They called me immediately after I reported it so I am glad about it.

I was irritated though - this was the second time in as many days. I went ahead and ordered the Anker generator I’ve had on my Amazon wish list, along with a fold out solar charger for it. Less than $300. TheEngineer recommended it a while back but I didn’t want to spend the money then. Now, I’m like, better to have something! It’s just a little one, but it would charge our phones and keep a fan on me when it’s crazy hot outside!

Since the power was out for a bit, MisterMoonbeam left for Urgent Care. His poison ivy rash is now covering both arms, his entire face, his neck and he says it’s on his junk! He seemed miserable. So off he went. He just texted that they are giving him a steroid, a super Benadryl, and a special oatmeal for his penis. Poor love.
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I just paid my main hospital bill from my surgery last month. Insurance covered $11,000 and I put the remaining $1145 on a credit card. There is a $2000 and a $500 bill pending but I think we’ve definitely hit the out of pocket max now, so those should be zeroed out in a bit. I legit started tearing up when I was looking at the charges. Ugh.

I’m just emotional about both the enormity of it all, but also the relief that it’s an amount that is manageable. In addition though, it’s a reminder that I had to get divorced to make it manageable, so that feels terrible.
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