He accidentally called me by his other girlfriend's name...

Sannafrid

New member
I recently started seeing a new lover. We have a lot in common and we always have a lot of fun together. Like me, he is in a long-distance open relationship. It works out very well that he and I are in similar situations (though he and Bee* are "nothing serious", as he puts it). He's an awesome guy who really likes me, and for the most part, everything is wonderful.

I slept over at his place the night before last. As we were both waking up yesterday morning, he asked me, "You want some coffee, Bee?" I don't know what to make of it. I'm confused and a little hurt. I'm not sure if I should ask him about it, because he was half asleep and it was probably just an honest mistake. Has this ever happened to anyone else?

*to maintain her anonymity, I've given his other lady friend a pseudonym
 

JaneQSmythe

Well-known member
Yes, it happens.

In my case it was ME that started to say the wrong name, and it didn't happen waking up...it happened during a sexual encounter. I recognized it half a syllable in and tried to choke it back...and it ended up coming out like a name similar, but not identical to MrS's...I thought it had gone unnoticed but later Dude asked me "Who the hell is 'Bob', anyway?" We laughed a lot and told MrS about it later.

Dude now tells me that, during sex, I used to get it wrong quite a bit and never even noticed. He decided to just take it as a compliment, I was so caught up in my sensations that I was delirious with pleasure and just came out with my "default" name (After all Dude was my first male partner after being with MrS for 19 years).

I wouldn't read too much into it - just feel confident that he feels so comfortable with you that his auto-pilot morning routine kicks in. Next time (if there is one) just say, "Yes, I'd like some coffee..and I am Cee, by the way." Then make a joke about the fact that he is SO sexy that he has SO many lovers he can't even keep track of them ALL.

JaneQ
 

HimAndHerInBP

New member
It happens....especially if one is half asleep. If say get over it. And, if you can't, let him know. Chances are he can do nothing about it, but stating what's bugging you can help.
 

Emm

Stealth Mod
Then make a joke about the fact that he is SO sexy that he has SO many lovers he can't even keep track of them ALL.
My maternal Grandmother's name was Joyce, but everyone used to call her Sally. I asked about it once, and she said it was because my Grandfather had so many girlfriends he could never remember their names, so he called them all Sally and by the time he married her it'd stuck.

[/hijack]
 

NovemberRain

New member
(I don't think that was a total hijack...) :)

I'd wager it happens to most people who have more than one lover, even serial monogamists. (me, I can't even remember MY OWN name sometimes - but I've changed it, twice)

My step-mom used to call my dad by her first husband's name a lot. (although he'd get yelled at if he did the same)

FBF's name starts with the same syllable as my high school bf. I flub that from time to time.

When my family had a house full of people, my mother would run down the list of names until she got to whomever she was trying to call. I got called by the name of her childhood dog more than once. Kippy. Yah, that doesn't sound anything like my name.
 

DarayTala

New member
I mistakenly call all of my partners by each others names at times, and also by names of our other housemates, past and present. Its just something that happens sometimes, you spend so much time saying something that sometimes your brain is on the wrong autopilot. I also always say goodnight and sweet dreams to my fiance every night before bed, I always say drive safe and have fun every morning before he leaves for work, and I can't tell you how many times I've mixed the two up and said sweet dreams as he hops into the car :D I really just wouldn't worry about it or read into it, its honestly something that I think happens to everyone at some point in time.
 

River

Active member
Has this ever happened to anyone else?

Yeah, I've done it. Once or twice. Only it wasn't always regards a "romantic" partner / interest. It can happen with a close friend whom I love, too.

I have this theory that our brain / mind stores things that are similar close by ... and there is a bit of "sticky" that binds the names and words together in near proximity. Think of these sorts of things as little cognitive farts or burps. Not a big deal. Comes with being merely human.:rolleyes:;):p
 

JaneQSmythe

Well-known member
(I don't think that was a total hijack...)
When my family had a house full of people, my mother would run down the list of names until she got to whomever she was trying to call.

My mother does this - she runs through the three of us, then her baby sister, then the dogs (all long gone)...she ends with dad's name, as though asking for assistance.

JaneQ
 

NovemberRain

New member
My mother does this - she runs through the three of us, then her baby sister, then the dogs (all long gone)...she ends with dad's name, as though asking for assistance.

JaneQ

Maybe it's a western PA thing? :D My peeps are all from there....
 

Tonberry

New member
I've used the wrong name before. It's always pretty embarrassing. I've called my boyfriend by my ex's name, but I've also done things that are less jealousy inducing, like calling my roommate by my cat's name. It happens.

I would say, don't read too much into it, sometimes you're just used to saying a name over and over again, and it becomes a synonym for "sweetie" or something.
 

Helo

New member
Sacrifice him on an altar of wrought obsidian that dark forces may feast on his erring flesh!!!

XD

I don't mean to minimize but the human memory is not a perfect thing. I was engaged to be married to a woman, we had been together for five years by this point, and one day I looked her straight in the face...and forgot her name. This was a woman I'd known for six years, been dating for five, and been engaged to for four. For at least five minutes, I could not drag up her name.

I wouldn't take it as an insult. Our brains do strange things at times.
 

YouAreHere

Well-known member
It's funny the connections our brains make... my sisters are 15 and 17 years younger than I. For years, they were "the kids" to me. Until I had my second child.

One child, no problem. Two? Brain wiring went cuckoo and I called my kids by my sisters' names and vice versa. My wiring for "the kids" got crossed when I had another similar grouping in my head.

I find it a fascinating reminder of how our brains make connections, and the one time my partner called me by his OSO's name (although there have been other "oops, wrong girl" moments) it's more of a reminder that we're both close to him, as opposed to feeling like he's thinking of someone else. But then, I can be a bit of a psych geek and eat this stuff up. ;)
 

SourGirl

Member
Don`t make anything of it.

He's half-asleep still, and he had an 'oopsie'. Forgetaboutit. :cool:
Heck, even if he was wide awake, and you had neon name-tags plastered to your forehead, no harm was done.

I have 4 kids. Sometimes (often, actually. ) I look at one and say ; " Hey, T,..I mean E,..I mean V,..well, you know who you are ! Come here please !"

If they had an identity crisis everytime I did it, I'd be paying more for therapy, then I already need to pay for College. :p
 
We joke that my older son's name is a combination of both his and his brother's name, I've said it so often that way. I wouldn't think too much of the fact he called you by his other girlfriend's name. I'm not sure I've done it to either my husband or my boyfriend, probably because I very rarely call my boyfriend by name. But it wouldn't surprise me to find out I did, just because sometimes my brain works weird. :D
 

LovingRadiance

Active member
I think this is VERY common.

I frequently flip flop my kids names, I know my mom does as well.

Yesterday I was telling the dog to lay down because he was running all over the livingroom. His name is Forney. I said, "Little P LAY DOWN." Little P is my grandson! TOTALLY not the same thing AND he was also in the room! :) OOPS!

I frequently call my 5 year old by her 21 year old sisters name. Last week I referred to my boyfriend by my 12 year old son's name! (no not during sex!).

The most memorable I think was an evening my husband and I were having an argument. He was being a real jerk, we were recently together and I am fairly certain he had been drinking. I called him by my most recent ex-boyfriends name.
We both caught it and silence ensued. Shortly thereafter he broke the silence with a comment about how he supposed he was acting enough like my ex to warrant that remark (not realizing it had been an accident).
Later I explained that it was an accident. But-it stuck in both of our minds and a strong reminder that if we behave like a familiar person-our minds connect us to that person.

I understand the sense of "hey I want you to KNOW its me you are with when we are together". It's one of the reasons I don't care to mix dating and drinking.
But, it's important to realize that even if we know precisely who we are talking to-sometimes the wrong name comes out. Furthermore, when we are talking to/about people with similar places in our lives, we may get all of those things crisscrossed too.

I read an article-either in October or November Psychology Today regarding "slips of the tongue" and how they can manifest. A lot of it was basic biological "oops"-as if we reached into the wrong file cabinet and spoke before we managed to grab the right file.

I say-let it go. Talk about it-find some humor in it-take it as a compliment.
 

NerfHerder

Member
I wouldn't worry about it too much, as everyone else here has said, it happens to everyone. My mom still calls me by her oldest brother's name and she's had to deal with me for nearly 34 years now.

It could be worse, I accidentally called my wife by the dog's name (hey, they both start with "T"!) and I don't think she'll ever let me forget it.
 

Tonberry

New member
My great-grandmother had so much trouble with remembering her children's name that she just said all of them at once. The funny thing about that is that her daughter (my grandmother) and then my own father took that habit... with the name of HER children, not their own.

In other words, my father would use the wrong name for one of the kids... and then automatically go through all the names of his mother and uncles, as though that would help at all :p Hell, I'm so used to hearing it I wouldn't be surprised if I start doing it if I ever have enough children to mix up their names (which would mean two of them :p)
 

nycindie

Active member
So many people here replied with tales of their family members calling people by the wrong name. However, if you're waking up in bed with a lover and they call you by the name of another lover of theirs, that's a bit different. Not that I don't see it as simply a groggy mistake, and ultimately not enough to feel hurt by, but I can see how it would be a little more dismaying than Grandma calling a grand kid by the dog's name. When one has a night of passion with someone we care about, we want them to remember who we are as the sun comes up!
 
It's been a close call for me a couple times, because Fly and Moonlight's names are very similar and actually rhyme! So far I've caught myself, but I'm fairly certain a mistake is inevitable.

If one of them called me the wrong name, my feelings would be hurt. Intellectually, I would know it was just an accident, but I would freak out inside for a second. I'm sorry that happened to you, but hopefully you can let it go as the unintentional hurt it was.
 

Tonberry

New member
Of course, nycindie, you feel different when called by a different lover's name, for psychological reasons. However, I think the examples were simply trying to say "being called by another name doesn't mean you're not special or loved".

I have to say that from the person saying the wrong name's side, it is definitely more embarrassing to use the wrong name for a lover than calling your roommate your cat's name. Actually, the level of embarrassment is only equal to calling a teacher "mom" or "dad" at school, I would say. All the rest can be brushed off more easily, but these mistakes can have implications that are not always comfortable to contemplate.
 
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