Hello all.


New member
Not sure where to start... I am in a marriage of almost 18 years to a wonderful woman. She is a fantastic mother to our thee children. She is the light of my life... Truly.
We have had our ups and downs as do most long relationships. We have played with other people on several occasions, swinging. Most of the playing on my part has been with her and another man. I really enjoy sharing her. I have also had a couple of lovers that my wife wasn't envolved with.
She has had a few more solo mitions than I have.
Recently we decided that we could both love another person and have started to be poly after realizing at we could both love others individually.
So here I am. I am having difficulties with the "dating phase". My wife is very beautiful and very sexy so for her to find men who want to get with her it is very easy. She gets to choose from hundreds (not an exaggeration) of willing suitors and when she finds one they sext and send pictures back and forth before meeting in person. This almost guarantees that their first date will end in sex. Which in and of itself I have no problem with. Remember, I love when she is given pleasure. My concern is that she is just going to keep dating/making love with different guys and that she won't find the "one".
I'm in need of, and would appreciate any and all thoughts on this.
Thank you for reading.


Official Greeter
Staff member
Hello blueeyeddevil,
Welcome to our forum.

"My concern is that she is just going to keep dating/making love with different guys and that she won't find the 'one.'"

I suppose you could express that concern to her and get her thoughts on it, but ultimately it sounds like her own problem, something for her to figure out. Maybe she is just enjoying some newfound freedom right now and hasn't gotten down to the business of being choosy.

Just curious, are you having luck finding dates for yourself? Anyway, you are just getting started on this poly journey, so there will be a lot of stuff to figure out along the way. Take advantage of Polyamory.com and read various of our threads according to what calls to you. Post your thoughts and questions along the way. We have a lot of collective wisdom to share on this site.

Glad to have you aboard.
Kevin T.


New member
This is a good chance for you now to venture out and try different partners too if that's what you're interested in.

Maybe I'll throw this in the mix though - are you a bit jealous of the fun she's having? If so, then maybe asking for more ffm 3somes would help to balance the fun-equation a bit.


New member
I agree with Kevin, this is her concern, not yours.

And........have you ever perhaps thought that you are "the one"? She may not meet any other man she wants to commit to as she has to you. That is ok, not everyone is meant to have multiple grand loves. She is having fun, leave her to it, I think you may be a little jealous but instead of making the onus on her to make you happy by asking her or more threesomes (seriously???) take responsibility for your own happiness, get out there and meet some more people and have some of your own fun.

Good Luck!! :)


Well-known member
Hi and welcome

Said another way......it's the journey not the destination. Why does there have to be " the one "

Whats your perception of life once she finds and bags " the one ". And bags in this contexts means having a committed relatioship not the the more common slang for bags :D But that fits here too.


New member
Thanks all for replying! It would appear from the responses that I need to just relax, let her enjoy herself and stop worrying about it. I admit that I over think things. I care for her deeply and don't want her to get hurt emotionally.
Again, thanks for responding.


Active member

not arguing with the advice you were given.

But for me-that would be a deal breaker. Sex on the first date would be unacceptable level of risk in my world.

Maca dates others. GG doesn't. I don't because I don't have time.
But we all agree that before sex is an option-the new party has to meet our other partner. Period.
Our MAIN reason is to avoid cowgirls/cowboys. Ensure that they realize we are poly and not just having an affair or looking to find a new playmate before leaving our relationship(s).

But secondary to that is that we have a family and a fuck load of joint responsibilities as a group and anyone who wants to be involved needs to know to what level they are willing/able to be involved. If they want to date with no contact-they aren't going to get a date more than once or twice a month for a couple of hours. THEY deserve to know that up front.

On the otherhand-if they are willing to socialize with the family group-they could potentially see their lover every single day.

I'm a wife, lover, mother-not a live-in babysitter/housekeeper. The guys having another lover doesn't change their responsibility to the kids and the household. They have chores to do and kids to deal with every single day, just like I do. We can alternate and make special arrangements on occasion-but we don't just brush the load off on each other so we can go fuck.

Sometimes-people feel like because we live together-then they should have more "date" times. Whereas we feel like-they have the option of hanging out too-but it's not our "date" times that are in question. We each get 1-2 date nights a week without kids. Those have to be divvied out between our lovers. One for me with Maca and one with GG-I'm out of date nights.
One for Maca with me-and he has one free for someone else.