Hello from WV!

Dahlia88

New member
Hi there! I'm Dahlia, 28, submissive, poly girl in a somewhat secluded part of West Virginia. I honestly never thought I would be as involved as I am with a married poly man but here I am. I joined here because this area is severely lacking in poly support groups or most poly people I know are married couples and I need to find someone(s) that can relate to what my struggles as the single girl coming into an established relationship are. I'm really hoping this is the right place for that.
 

LunarDragonFly

New member
Calle Road

Hi there! I'm Dahlia, 28, submissive, poly girl in a somewhat secluded part of West Virginia. I honestly never thought I would be as involved as I am with a married poly man but here I am. I joined here because this area is severely lacking in poly support groups or most poly people I know are married couples and I need to find someone(s) that can relate to what my struggles as the single girl coming into an established relationship are. I'm really hoping this is the right place for that.

Hi Dahlia,

I'm very new to this myself but I've heard bits and bobs from various friends. From what I understand, coming into the an established relationship can be challenging for a few reasons.

As respectful people, we dont want to "step on anyone's toes" so making the boundaries clear from the start (either by understanding their boundaries as a couple or by establishing your own boundaries as someone interjecting into the relationship).

Also, I don't know how far into the relationship you are but if you feel like your emotions are getting strong with the person, it may be worth exploring the relationship you have with their partner. If you see yourself staying with this person long term, having a heathy relationship with the metamour will infinitely help you feel good and retain confidence.

Lastly, and this may be hard, but I would suggest looking at the two of them objectively from time to time. When I was involved with a girl who already had a boyfriend. I would occasionally just take a step back and just take in their relationship. I don't want to say it so harshly, but accept your place. I wasn't her primary and I needed to remind myself of that now and then, especially when I would start to feel really strong emotions towards her.

This information comes from someone who only joined this site a few days ago but I hope it comes with something useful.

LDF x
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Greetings Dahlia88,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It's important to have a base of support, so I am glad you found Polyamory.com, it will help and be a support to you. I don't know if you are a secondary partner or a co-primary partner, so I hesitate to give advice right at the moment. But post any questions you may have, and I'll try to help. It's great to have you with us.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 

eklctc

New member
Welcome.

This is definitely the right place. I have been known to the be the imaginary Unicorn.:)

With that said, I can relate and many people here have been a great support over the years.

I look forward to hearing more.
 

LunarDragonFly

New member
Welcome.

This is definitely the right place. I have been known to the be the imaginary Unicorn.:)

With that said, I can relate and many people here have been a great support over the years.

I look forward to hearing more.

An imaginary unicorn? What might that mean??

Its good to see a warm reception :). My goal is to progress through this journey with positivity. I understand how difficult polyamory can be and I have no misconceptions about some of the challenges. Hopefully I can learn a lot from it though.

I'll be honest, sometimes I really wish I didnt feel that pull. Most of the people I've dated have wanted to be mono and having to make that decision between staying with them or follow this poly energy... Its a horrible emotional position to be in. Especially when, within yourself, you feel like you can make both people happy.

That is why they call this life :D

LDF
 

firetiger53

New member
Also, I don't know how far into the relationship you are but if you feel like your emotions are getting strong with the person, it may be worth exploring the relationship you have with their partner. If you see yourself staying with this person long term, having a heathy relationship with the metamour will infinitely help you feel good and retain confidence.

Lastly, and this may be hard, but I would suggest looking at the two of them objectively from time to time. When I was involved with a girl who already had a boyfriend. I would occasionally just take a step back and just take in their relationship. I don't want to say it so harshly, but accept your place. I wasn't her primary and I needed to remind myself of that now and then, especially when I would start to feel really strong emotions towards her.

^ these things are really very important to remember especially. If they're not doing well, you won't be doing well -- even if it feels like you're doing a little too well. Metamour resentment, especially unvoiced, leads to broken relationships. Last in, first out. And if you think your emotions are too strong for the level of relationship your lover has set, please sit down with both of them and talk about where you stand.
 

eklctc

New member
Unicorn is basically a woman who is willing to date both members of an existing couple, solely, and engage sexually with both partners.

Relationships, in general, can be difficult as you have noted. Hopefully, this journey will allow you to be true to yourself.
 

Dahlia88

New member
So many replies! Thank you all. Sorry it's taken so long for me to get back here. We've had a lot on our plates lately and have had a couple different talks about certain aspects of all the relationships going on. So far so good in my end of the mix and i make sure to keep it that way and mind the lines in the sand she's put down. I did manage to lay down my own line in the sand which was a very hard conversation to get through but i was very precise with what i was asking for.

I also came out to my friends and family via Facebook about being poly. Most of my friends and some family already knew but I wanted to be very clear about what I'm a part of and that went over pretty well. Still surprised I followed through with it.

Again, thank you all for the very warm welcome and I'm hoping to be a bit more active than i have been lately.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Glad to hear things are going well, thanks for your new post here.
 
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