New member
Hi. Not really where to start, which usually means I ramble or say too little.

We are a couple, I'm a 39F and he's a 51M. We're in Spokane, WA. Our marriage has been open from the getgo, but monogamous by default, because finding appropriate people to join the marriage has been difficult.

I've done poly before, as a teenager, but would say my initial trio imploded in part due to a failure to communicate expectations on everyone's part. Also, teenage angst and self-discovery is not, I think, good for the longevity of any relationship.

Monogamy is the acceptable social default but it has not, for me, ever felt complete.


Official Greeter
Staff member
Greetings KerryRen,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Monogamy is acceptable here as well -- but it's certainly not the default! I hope you'll find a host of affirmations that poly and open relationships can and do work. I recommend the book "Opening Up: a guide to creating and sustaining open relationships," by Tristan Taormino ... and I recommend the Life stories and blogs board on this site.

As for finding people to join the marriage: start with Dating & Friendships subforum, turn to OKCupid and PolyMatchMaker, then seek poly groups in your area by googling "Spokane polyamory" or "Washington State polyamory." I can provide other links/ideas ...

Hope you'll find thoughts and advice that help you on your poly journey. Polyamory.com has a lot of collective wisdom and should serve you well.

Kevin T., "official greeter" :)


There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!


Active member
Also, teenage angst and self-discovery is not, I think, good for the longevity of any relationship.

lol true dat. Teenage years are good for starting the journey of self-discovery, but it by no means ends there. Pretty much all the lessons I thought I learned as a teenager were invalidated by the gradual levelling of hormones and experience.

Have you considered a different approach than finding people to "join" your marriage? It's pretty impossible for someone to come in to an established relationship and catch-up on years of bonding and mutual-discovery. What about dating people separately?
Hi KerryRen! I'm just east of you over in Post Falls. Welcome to the forum. There's lots here to read, ask questions any time. There's a "professional" poly group on meetup but the free poly group just disappeared. I haven't been to any but am open to making new friends.