Hello

[prairie]

Hello, I'm new to poly. But I can't stop thinking about it or reading about it. I'm in a loving relationship with my partner of 6 years, we are planning to get married in a few years. We have talked about having others in the bedroom, but that's as far as he's comfortable with.

I am less interested in recreational sex these days and more interested in romance & intimacy. My partner is open to recreational sex in a group setting, but not dating other people.

I have read a little bit about poly and believe it's possible to have healthy open relationships. I realize it requires a lot of work and communication and emotional sweat. I am not sure exactly where I stand, but I feel like it is innocent for me to want to experience romance & intimacy with others. And I am open to my partner doing this too.

I have shared poly articles with him, to try and show the idea that you can have healthy & happy open relationships. He has generally freaked out about that, as he has a bad history of being cheated on. I am hoping we can get to a place where he might be open to talking about it.

I am currently crushing on a new friend and feeling powerful love energy. All I know is that my feelings are innocent. And it's not something I can talk about easily with most people I know.

I'm mostly feeling confused about my relationship - by all conventional standards it is magical and loving. And still I want to go further off the deep end, and so I feel constrained in my expansion. My new friend is offering me many things that my partner lacks, that I am currently yearning for and romanticizing about.

I kind of wish we lived in a society & culture that didn't get so hung up on who you slept with or fell in love with.

I feel like it is easy for me to crush on others. I have experienced this kind of intense attraction to others several times over the last 6 years with my primary partner. I am not sure what this means.

 

[Spork]

Who is innocent, and who is guilty? The morality of love and sex is a highly subjective matter and there are no definitive answers in it. What is innocent to you might be intolerably painful to your partner. We are not all the same in this, and I doubt if all people ever will be.

It is an unfortunate thing when people who love one another cannot find a comfortable place to meet and live when they have different ideas about what is ok or not in this regard. It's a very frequent topic here in one way or another.

I personally have an extremely hard time understanding people who feel threatened by emotions and fearful of emotions but are ok with "meaningless" sex. The entire concept rubs me the wrong way.

I hope that you can find a happy compromise, and I can appreciate that you want to be honest with your partner about your wishes. I hope he comes to appreciate that, too.

 

[kdt26417]

Greetings prairie,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Re (from OP):

"I kind of wish we lived in a society and culture that didn't get so hung up on who you slept with or fell in love with."

I agree.

Sorry to hear you and your partner are at such an impasse regarding poly. I hope things improve in the future, but we can't guarantee these things.

Hopefully it helps to read and post here.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

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Welcome aboard!

 

[prairie]

Major Breakthrough!

OK, this is like pure magic!

Yesterday my partner starts talking to me about how he is comfortable with me hooking up/having flings with other people, friends. This is a MAJOR BREAKTHROUGH. And I did nothing - he initiated the conversation. Eventually I told him about my interest in my crush and he was cool with it. WOOOOOWWWWWWWW

Of course I am open to him being with other women too, and we are both devoted to each other.

Because he is the one who had been cheated on in previous relationships, he has always been somewhat possessive of me and incredibly sensitive to any kind of friendly flirtiness from other men. This has lead to me avoiding any sort of flirtation with men, and wanting more. I have always been somewhat open to the idea of dating other people, so he had to be the one to initiate the conversation and open up the relationship.

Mind blown!

 

[Tri46guy]

Thats great and you sound really excited and sound like you might be feeling a lot of NRE. Thats cool. Just something to think about is that your boyfriend might have some ups and downs and some moments of panic if he is like me... He may not have all the tools to handle it as well as he or you might want... My wife and I have been slowly inching toward poly from swinging after she told me about her interest in it but we both have gotten a lot of working things through with a poly-friendly counselor. It gave me the tools for much better communication and a way to work through insecurities. We also both got a heck of a lot out of going to a poly conference (loving more) this past weekend. Helps a lot to meet people who have are awesome caring well-adjusted people who communicate at a super honest level... Just some things to consider if you hit some bumps like we did...

 

[kdt26417]

Hi prairie, that is excellent news! I hope you guys continue along the poly path and learn many things.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.