Help me think this through please!

Emmy37

New member
So my husband and his gf want me to join them sexually tonight. We've shared a bed with nothing but cuddling going on. Her and I were both focused on him in the middle. I find her attractive and we have a deep connection as friends but I'm not sure taking it further than that is a good idea. I feel like I'm intruding on his territory if I do anything sexual with her. Need some outside perspectives please.
 

MusicalRose

Member
When you say that the two of you want them to join you, did they invite you without any pushing of your own?

What are some of the specific fears that you have besides feeling intrusive?
 

KerryRen

New member
I think you should do what you are comfortable with.
 

Emmy37

New member
When you say that the two of you want them to join you, did they invite you without any pushing of your own?

What are some of the specific fears that you have besides feeling intrusive?

Yes, well I think so anyway. I did mention to my husband that she's very attractive but I told him several times she was his girl and I wanted to stay out of the middle of their relationship.
 

ClockworkDragon

New member
IF you don't feel ready... don't. Just tell them the time's not right for you. Originally, my hubby's girlfriend was supposed to be for both of us, but the chemistry just wasn't there for me. I like her, but I'm not attracted to her.

So I let them play. Now I'm ready, or about there, and it's taken months... there is no rush.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Re (from OP):
"So my husband and his girlfriend want me to join them sexually tonight ... I feel like I'm intruding on his territory if I do anything sexual with her."

Well gee, if he wants you to join them, then you should be free and clear to do whatever you want (with her or him).

Of course it should be totally up to you whether you join them. It's not cool if they're trying to pressure you into this.
 

DebbieandRay

New member
If you were invited, then go for it.

Several years ago, before I met my husband, his ex wife, who was then his current wife, was attracted to a woman and the other woman was attracted to both of them. The had a few threesomes, then my husband backed out because he felt that the relationship should only be between his wife and this new woman. A very honorable this to do, but not the best thing, as it turned out.

In that situation the relationship could have been a triad type of relationship. As it turned out, the other woman felt rejected by my husband. This caused a strain between my husband and his wife as well as between him and the other woman.

My husband's fear was that the relationship would eventually be only between him and this new woman. And he knew how attracted his wife was to this new woman, and that she actually loved her. It can go both ways, but if it is just a sexual thing you are joining, then I don't see where there would be any harm in joining and having a good time.
 

MsChristy

New member
If you have any hesitation or doubts about being intimate with someone, don't do it. You may feel more comfortable with the idea in the future, or it may be that it is best for her to remain only your husband's intimate partner
 

Marcus

Well-known member
I told him several times she was his girl and I wanted to stay out of the middle of their relationship.

Consider dropping what sounds like "primary - ownership" model. She's not "his" girl any more than he is "your" boy. Sure, you have a relationship with each other and that's all hunky dory, but what you seem to be confusing yourself with is all of these arbitrary lines drawn in the sand.

Instead, try looking at how you relate to him as it's own dyad, how you relate to her as your own dyad, he relates to her as their own dyad. If threeway fun is on the menu and everyone wants to do it then you are all free to do it. Letting this "she's yours" junk get in the way of the reality of the situation is probably just going to continue to bog you down.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Well don't leave us in suspense! Tell us what happened. :)
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
That sounds like a success to me. :D
 
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