Hi, F new to poly UK
- Thread starter JK40
- Start date
So, I had a few moments of panic about being a member here. But decided it's my life and if other people i know find out and don't like it that is their problem.
I am 40 years old. Have 2 sons but only 1 lives with me. I am currently divorcing my wife prior to that my last marriage to a man ended aftee 12 years, both because they cheated on me. I am bi, obviously LOL. I am also wiccan. I'm very open minded about everything in life.
In my first poly relationship since february this year. My partner is married, both he a d his wife are poly. Our relationship set up is that my relationship with him is totally seperate from his marriage, and his wifes other partners are too.
I joined here with the hopes of learning, and meeting new people. I have very few friends since my split from my wife so always happy to make new ones. Not actively looking for another partner but that is not to say I would turn down a new relationship should I ever find someone I wanted that with.
I am partly disabled and currently don't get out very much, hoping a house move solves that. I have 3 dogs and 2 love birds. I love crafting such as knitting crochet jewellery making candle makig cross stitch quilting glass engraving and paper crafting. Love hirror films. Love readig and music too.
Thats me in a nutshell lol
I am 40 years old. Have 2 sons but only 1 lives with me. I am currently divorcing my wife prior to that my last marriage to a man ended aftee 12 years, both because they cheated on me. I am bi, obviously LOL. I am also wiccan. I'm very open minded about everything in life.
In my first poly relationship since february this year. My partner is married, both he a d his wife are poly. Our relationship set up is that my relationship with him is totally seperate from his marriage, and his wifes other partners are too.
I joined here with the hopes of learning, and meeting new people. I have very few friends since my split from my wife so always happy to make new ones. Not actively looking for another partner but that is not to say I would turn down a new relationship should I ever find someone I wanted that with.
I am partly disabled and currently don't get out very much, hoping a house move solves that. I have 3 dogs and 2 love birds. I love crafting such as knitting crochet jewellery making candle makig cross stitch quilting glass engraving and paper crafting. Love hirror films. Love readig and music too.
Thats me in a nutshell lol
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Greetings JK40,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.
I'm sorry that Polyamory.com has not worked out for you. I don't know that there's any way to delete your account, but message a mod or admin for a more certain answer on that topic. I wish you the best wherever you go in life.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"
Notes:
There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!
Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.
Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.
If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.
Welcome aboard!
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.
I'm sorry that Polyamory.com has not worked out for you. I don't know that there's any way to delete your account, but message a mod or admin for a more certain answer on that topic. I wish you the best wherever you go in life.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"
Notes:
There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!
Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.
Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.
If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.
Welcome aboard!
Shaya
New member
Hi JK,
welcome to the forums. I'm new here myself and am not currently polyamorous, though I'm curious about it.
I saw you write your post, delete it, ask to delete your account, then rewrite it again all in the matter of a few hours. Unless you post something really personal, I doubt people will link it to you in real life. All the same, I have recently tried to write things that don't severely impact others in my life and treat everything I write as if others will one day read. After all, this is the internet and my posts will remain for all to see for all time, including my future children and future relationship partners. So yes, be very careful. I was perhaps not so careful with my first post and often wonder about that.
I would suggest perhaps writing something, saving it on your hard drive, then waiting 24 or 72 hours before posting it, at least initially whilst you post on these forums. Sometimes, hurt passes within a few days and you don't actually need help. Other times, hurt persists for weeks and you need to vent. Giving yourself time to reflect on what you are writing online may be helpful, at least for your first few posts when the hurt may still be raw.
Finally, I hope you are giving yourself the love and attention you need. I fear that if your current lover were to take on a new lover, then his actions would tear you apart in the same way that your previously partners cheated on you. He wouldn't be cheating, but it might feel the same. I'm going through something similar right now and I feel I need to build up my self esteem and my self worth. Just some food for thought.
Goodluck!
welcome to the forums. I'm new here myself and am not currently polyamorous, though I'm curious about it.
I saw you write your post, delete it, ask to delete your account, then rewrite it again all in the matter of a few hours. Unless you post something really personal, I doubt people will link it to you in real life. All the same, I have recently tried to write things that don't severely impact others in my life and treat everything I write as if others will one day read. After all, this is the internet and my posts will remain for all to see for all time, including my future children and future relationship partners. So yes, be very careful. I was perhaps not so careful with my first post and often wonder about that.
I would suggest perhaps writing something, saving it on your hard drive, then waiting 24 or 72 hours before posting it, at least initially whilst you post on these forums. Sometimes, hurt passes within a few days and you don't actually need help. Other times, hurt persists for weeks and you need to vent. Giving yourself time to reflect on what you are writing online may be helpful, at least for your first few posts when the hurt may still be raw.
Finally, I hope you are giving yourself the love and attention you need. I fear that if your current lover were to take on a new lover, then his actions would tear you apart in the same way that your previously partners cheated on you. He wouldn't be cheating, but it might feel the same. I'm going through something similar right now and I feel I need to build up my self esteem and my self worth. Just some food for thought.
Goodluck!
I have a 13 year old, he sort of knows i an pily and accepts that. I just worried.
Good advice to wait before posting.
Neither nyself or partner are looking for another partner at the moment, but yes it is something that will have to be approached at some time I'm sure. The thing I prefer about being polu is the fact none of it is hidden like my prior partners affairs have been. Guess I won't know how I will feel until it happens though. I think i will be ok with it but until it happens won't know for certain.
Good advice to wait before posting.
Neither nyself or partner are looking for another partner at the moment, but yes it is something that will have to be approached at some time I'm sure. The thing I prefer about being polu is the fact none of it is hidden like my prior partners affairs have been. Guess I won't know how I will feel until it happens though. I think i will be ok with it but until it happens won't know for certain.
Shaya
New member
Hi JK40,
Welcome to the forums. I remember your intro post. You were very excited. And nervous. I saw you write your post, delete it, ask to delete your account, then rewrite it all again in the matter of a few hours. I'm glad to see you're better and on more solid ground. I love your contributions on other threads.
My advice in this situation of escalating the relationship would be to take it slowly. You said it earlier - escalating would be a consideration for the far future and you're discussing it now because... well... NRE!!!
Enjoy the NRE. Some monogamous couples like myself who married young don't get that chance to feel NRE more than once in our lifetime, so we come here to get our compersion fix by reading stories like yours.
Don't make any rash decisions whilst in NRE. Equivalently, don't make any life-changing decisions whilst in NRE. Most people would not expect a deep commitment so early in the relationship so I wouldn't spook him with one.
Finally, no one has mentioned it so far, but there's the issue of his wife and her security. Can you predict how she will feel if you and her husband were to escalate your relationship? Depending on her views on poly, she may or may not feel threatened by her husband giving a life-commitment to another person. I would agree with those on the forum who say this commitment is more about you and him rather than about her, but I think such a strong commitment could still affect the security she feels for her husband under some circumstances. It's just a thought for future, but for now, I would suggest to just enjoy the NRE.
Good luck!
-Shaya.
Welcome to the forums. I remember your intro post. You were very excited. And nervous. I saw you write your post, delete it, ask to delete your account, then rewrite it all again in the matter of a few hours. I'm glad to see you're better and on more solid ground. I love your contributions on other threads.
My advice in this situation of escalating the relationship would be to take it slowly. You said it earlier - escalating would be a consideration for the far future and you're discussing it now because... well... NRE!!!
Enjoy the NRE. Some monogamous couples like myself who married young don't get that chance to feel NRE more than once in our lifetime, so we come here to get our compersion fix by reading stories like yours.
Don't make any rash decisions whilst in NRE. Equivalently, don't make any life-changing decisions whilst in NRE. Most people would not expect a deep commitment so early in the relationship so I wouldn't spook him with one.Finally, no one has mentioned it so far, but there's the issue of his wife and her security. Can you predict how she will feel if you and her husband were to escalate your relationship? Depending on her views on poly, she may or may not feel threatened by her husband giving a life-commitment to another person. I would agree with those on the forum who say this commitment is more about you and him rather than about her, but I think such a strong commitment could still affect the security she feels for her husband under some circumstances. It's just a thought for future, but for now, I would suggest to just enjoy the NRE.
Good luck!
-Shaya.
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Hi Shaya
Thanks for the reply.
I have given lots of thought to how his wife will feel, about a lot of things. She is poly too, but has already shown him a little resentment when she learnt that he and I had started the sexual part of our relationship, even though she has 3 partners and is intimate with each. It is actually not me bringing up discussions of being more serious about each other. He has already said to me he wants this to be serious, he says he loves me as much as his wife, and said if he could he would marry me in the future. He says he feels our love is a spiritual connection and he doesn't usually fall in love so quick. There has been an intensely strong connection between us since we met each other, something I never feel so early on in relationships. It would be all too easy to get lost in the excitement of a new relationship. Yes I do believe people can have such strong feelings quickly but ot isn't something I have experienced before.
He SEEMS genuine but I am cautious still about it all.
I agree with you that this is not the time to make decisions like that. And I do consider his wifes feelings in it all. I often try and think how I would feel if the situation was the other way round and I was the wife. She also wasn't happy when I was introduced to some of his family (who know that he and his wife are poly) We went out for a meal with a few of his family and 2 of his friends. They don't have any rules against it but she was very unhappy about it at first. She has since accepted it. However this is his first serious relationship outside their marriage, he has had previous partners and it hasn't worked out between them, which makes me understand why his wife is feeling this way a little. Theres loads more I could say bit it would make this post even more lengthy than it is!
Basically I am extremely cautious due to my past, and the NRE phase. I am extremely happy and excited to have a partner so attentive, loving and caring, and yes he has changed my life in many ways but I don't want to make any brash decisions so early.
I did post then have a small panic about people who know me, but don't know I am poly, coming across my posts and realisong it is me. I have since realised that the likelihood of that is slim and if they did find out and didn't like it tough. I feel I am finally living my life for me, I am finally who I want to be.
Caution is definetely the word of the day though.
Thanks for the reply.
I have given lots of thought to how his wife will feel, about a lot of things. She is poly too, but has already shown him a little resentment when she learnt that he and I had started the sexual part of our relationship, even though she has 3 partners and is intimate with each. It is actually not me bringing up discussions of being more serious about each other. He has already said to me he wants this to be serious, he says he loves me as much as his wife, and said if he could he would marry me in the future. He says he feels our love is a spiritual connection and he doesn't usually fall in love so quick. There has been an intensely strong connection between us since we met each other, something I never feel so early on in relationships. It would be all too easy to get lost in the excitement of a new relationship. Yes I do believe people can have such strong feelings quickly but ot isn't something I have experienced before.
He SEEMS genuine but I am cautious still about it all.
I agree with you that this is not the time to make decisions like that. And I do consider his wifes feelings in it all. I often try and think how I would feel if the situation was the other way round and I was the wife. She also wasn't happy when I was introduced to some of his family (who know that he and his wife are poly) We went out for a meal with a few of his family and 2 of his friends. They don't have any rules against it but she was very unhappy about it at first. She has since accepted it. However this is his first serious relationship outside their marriage, he has had previous partners and it hasn't worked out between them, which makes me understand why his wife is feeling this way a little. Theres loads more I could say bit it would make this post even more lengthy than it is!
Basically I am extremely cautious due to my past, and the NRE phase. I am extremely happy and excited to have a partner so attentive, loving and caring, and yes he has changed my life in many ways but I don't want to make any brash decisions so early.
I did post then have a small panic about people who know me, but don't know I am poly, coming across my posts and realisong it is me. I have since realised that the likelihood of that is slim and if they did find out and didn't like it tough. I feel I am finally living my life for me, I am finally who I want to be.
Caution is definetely the word of the day though.