Hi from Idaho


New member
Hi from Idaho.

My husband, IDRider47, and I are just starting on this journey together and I’ve found this forum to be very helpful thus far. We have been married for about 20 years now and are in a great place.

For the past 9 months or so I’ve been doing some biology/anthropology research and a few of the books that have particularly impacted me are “Sex at Dawn” and “The Myth of Monogamy” (among many other less recognizable books). My approach is a scientific one and I am convinced that monogamy is not a human universal and that polyamory is a legitimate lifestyle and arguably, the most biologically consistent. So, my brain is there.

My husband (henceforth, Rider) and I were talking about some great marriage stuff about 12 days back and I broached the poly topic. He’s more mono oriented but curious and I originally thought I was more poly oriented but now I’m not sure. Once things went from more general to specific (a picture he liked on a poly dating site and his creation of a profile) I had a meltdown. I will post about that on another thread because I was totally in the wrong there and I’d like some help with that.

We are taking baby steps at this point and have not decided whether or not we will open our marriage or when. We are in the information gathering stage right now. This is a journey for us, together.

I will say that my greatest desire is for autonomy and I want Rider to have that too. Even if we choose not to open our marriage I want to make sure it’s for the right reasons. I do not want to operate from a place of fear but of freedom and generosity. Maybe mono is for us but then again maybe poly would be great too. We’ll just have to see.

Let me say thank you to all the poster who I have grieved with and learned from in the past few days. I’m looking forward to interacting with you.

well there is so many philosophies, but after looking closer, each one has so many different derivatives. You cant just read a book on Poly and decide its supposed to go that way for your lifestyle. You can still be a closeknit family and not have to sleep/ play together.

Group living is getting to be more and more the way to go, in current global conditions where sharing resources like in older tribal times a necessity. There is just too many life chores that need to be done for one person. Just think if there was 6-8 people sharing Food, Heating, Transportation Costs (to name a few)

there does need to be a certain form of intimacy (non sexual) to make things work. A tribal organization that doesnt even need to live on the same place could even happen, but sharing costs is alot better.

I fix Cars and someone else has Food or Garden and I dont really need to own a Car or Truck, if I just get a ride to town once in a while, and get a food basket once in a while..... I do construction and keep someones dwelling going and we all need to go to the Produce Market and get some bulk food to put away for winter, or some lumber for another addon.....

I would like to collect some like minded locals and discuss the kind of things that are power for a group like this for living in this area. Group Living has been successful since ancient times in many cultures
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I am in a similar situation to yours. My hubby and I have been together a long time (14 years). We are in a wonderful place, but have always experimented with each other only. We have been monogamous. I have always been bisexual, and he knows and has always been okay with it. We both look at women and I have been okay with him doing that too… Only recently have we thought about other things, including MFM (although he is straight). We have never taken that step, but both of us seem to be open. I am only figuring out where the path goes from here.
Hi Pyxis88, welcome to our forum.