Hi! It's nice to find this new corner of the internet!

bampirevat

bampirevat

New member
Hi! I am Bee (25F, bi) and I am in a serious mono relationship with my partner for nearly 3 years now.

Recently, I started discovering that I might be poly so I am seeking resources to learn about how it works and if it's just a "phase", for lack of a better word, for me, or genuine feelings. While I do have poly friends irl, I am not ready to talk about it in real life yet. I thought here is the best place to start.

Nice to meet you all!
Bee
 
This is a great place to start. It's so important to do lots of research/reading and have discussions with people who have made mistakes, or have succeeded in poly, before jumping into the pool. If you don't feel ready to discuss with your real life friends, you can be pleasantly anonymous here.

Beside reading current threads, you can also search terms. And how about looking at our resource list?

 
Welcome, this is a great place to start learning and getting advice. Just fyi, having feelings for more than one person is normal. EVERYONE is capable of that. That thing alone doesn't make you poly.

The relationship structure you choose determines if you are poly or not. Some people do see polyamory as an orientation and have chosen to only have poly structure. They cannot even fathom trying a monogamous relationship as it goes against their nature. People who choose monogamy also choose not to act on any feelings they get for others.

So learn all you can and do realize if you decide to change your relationship preference to polyamory, know that your current partner might not be on board and you most likely will lose them...even if they agree to try it.

The most likely way for a couple to successfully transition is if both are "hell yes!!" About poly and do a year of research, learning, work, and time with a poly friendly therapist before ever deciding to go on a first date.
 
Greetings Bee,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Love your username, bampirevat -- very clever! You've come to the right place to search and see if you're authentically polyamorous -- if it's not just a phase. Spend some time reading our various posts and boards, and let us know whenever you have any questions. Good luck!

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
bampirevat said:
Hi! I am Bee (25F, bi) and I am in a serious mono relationship with my partner for nearly 3 years now.

Recently, I started discovering that I might be poly so I am seeking resources to learn about how it works and if it's just a "phase", for lack of a better word, for me, or genuine feelings. While I do have poly friends irl, I am not ready to talk about it in real life yet. I thought here is the best place to start.

Nice to meet you all!
Bee
Click to expand...
Hey, Bee. First off, love the name, one of my favorite fictional characters is Bee Farseer.

I'm new here too, about to write my intro and read yours, as it was at the top, to see a sample. To my surprise, it feels very relatable to why I'm here as well and wanted to say so.
 
Magdlyn said:
This is a great place to start. It's so important to do lots of research/reading and have discussions with people who have made mistakes, or have succeeded in poly, before jumping into the pool. If you don't feel ready to discuss with your real life friends, you can be pleasantly anonymous here.

Beside reading current threads, you can also search terms. And how about looking at our resource list?

Click to expand...
I am so glad places like this exist on the internet.

I plan on reading some of the books from the resources but not yet. I think it would become too real if I started reading actual publications about it and I am not ready for that yet.
 
Bobbi said:
Welcome, this is a great place to start learning and getting advice. Just fyi, having feelings for more than one person is normal. EVERYONE is capable of that. That thing alone doesn't make you poly.

The relationship structure you choose determines if you are poly or not. Some people do see polyamory as an orientation and have chosen to only have poly structure. They cannot even fathom trying a monogamous relationship as it goes against their nature. People who choose monogamy also choose not to act on any feelings they get for others.

So learn all you can and do realize if you decide to change your relationship preference to polyamory, know that your current partner might not be on board and you most likely will lose them...even if they agree to try it.

The most likely way for a couple to successfully transition is if both are "hell yes!!" About poly and do a year of research, learning, work, and time with a poly friendly therapist before ever deciding to go on a first date.
Click to expand...
I think I always dismissed thinking about being romantically involved with more than one person because of being conditioned to dismiss it. Only now I feel safe enough in my life to really start discovering myself and trying to understand myself on a completely new level.

The possibility of being poly terrifies me exactly because of the probability of losing my partner but I cannot hide from myself forever. I have to really think through if I am poly at some point in my life and I think the time is now.
 
kdt26417 said:
Greetings Bee,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Love your username, bampirevat -- very clever! You've come to the right place to search and see if you're authentically polyamorous -- if it's not just a phase. Spend some time reading our various posts and boards, and let us know whenever you have any questions. Good luck!

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
Click to expand...
Thank you for the compliment about my username, I was very proud of myself for this one :)
 
shy guy said:
Hey, Bee. First off, love the name, one of my favorite fictional characters is Bee Farseer.

I'm new here too, about to write my intro and read yours, as it was at the top, to see a sample. To my surprise, it feels very relatable to why I'm here as well and wanted to say so.
Click to expand...
Just skimming through the forum showed me that there are more people like us. It definitely makes me feel less insane...
 
bampirevat said:
I am so glad places like this exist on the internet.

I plan on reading some of the books from the resources but not yet. I think it would become too real if I started reading actual publications about it and I am not ready for that yet.
Click to expand...
Well, there are a few shorter articles there to get started with, if the books or podcast seem overwhelming. It's up to you, of course. If you just want to read around the forum and maybe comment now and then, that's great.
 
Magdlyn said:
Well, there are a few shorter articles there to get started with, if the books or podcast seem overwhelming. It's up to you, of course. If you just want to read around the forum and maybe comment now and then, that's great.
Click to expand...
I definitely want to be active here, I just don't know if I can add anything valuable to the discussion:')
 
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