Hi...new here

L

Libre2Love

New member
Hi everyone, I'm Trish. I'm new to the forum and still trying to figure out my place within the Poly lifestyle. I've been working on an introduction but it's so long it's turned into more of a story of my life. Sheesh!

In an attempt to introduce myself in a shorter, more acceptable message length...here goes. I'm 37 and have been married for almost 7 years to Carl. He's the love of my life. We are truly best friends and partners in life, especially after the past year we've been through (my next post will detail out). Anyhow, recently we've met Walker through a decision we made to add a "friend" into our life. The three of us have developed a friendship and it is my hope it will continue to flourish. It's started out well but I know there are still many bridges to cross.

Out of the three of us, I'm the one who has connected and done research on Polyamory. I can't say it's for "us" but I do feel it's right for me. My hubby is very open to the idea of being able to have feelings for and possibly even love others, but I'm unsure how far that would extend. Walker has fallen in love with me. He actually told me that already and in a strange way, I feel the same. I won't deny the fact that it's possible we've jumped the gun by thinking we've fallen in love after only five weeks, but my heart tells me to be open to the possibility that it's the real deal. I've shared the topic of Polyamory to both of my loves and I know that my hubby has read into it and one morning told me he wasn't opposed to the idea but wanted to let things happen naturally with our new friend. He's the smarter and safer one of the two of us. lol I have to follow up with W to see if he has read up on what I've emailed him.

Well, that's me for now. My next post will provide more details, maybe too much for some of you. LOL. I see a lot of support, honesty, and camaraderie within this forum...I look forward to getting to know you all.

Trish :)
 
Welcome to the boards.

Heh. After five weeks, I wasn't even certain my wife was really interested in me. It took months before I figured she was serious about the whole thing.
 
I know, seems so soon. And it might be, which is why I had to type it. Outside feedback can be extremely beneficial at times. :)
 
Welcome!
 
Welcome to the boards.

Personally, I believe it is possible to fall in love quickly, but just don't use it as an excuse to do or take things faster than if you were not in love yet. ;)
 
Hello & Welcome...

Welcome to you and yours.

Hope you enjoy the forums.

RainbowSmiley.jpg


Just Me,
Tim
 
Welcome to the forum.

LOL YGirl. You saw that too? Good. Thought I was having an acid flashback there for a minute....
 
Libre2Love said:
I won't deny the fact that it's possible we've jumped the gun by thinking we've fallen in love after only five weeks, but my heart tells me to be open to the possibility that it's the real deal.
Click to expand...

This is a Libra trait no? talking about loving....being concerned with love, love love love....!? heh :p (teasing my dear Libra mono with this as much as asking you...)

Mono and I fell in love immediately and he told me that within a week or so! I think if you know you know. It's a good thing! And I suspect that you will feel okay to feel that with a lot of work....at least that is what I have come to. Perhaps it makes you feel weird and kind of selfish, scary, like you are taking something away from your husband and that if he knew the depth to which you love he would be very hurt... all okay to feel and to remember that just because you feel love for someone else doesn't mean you love others less. I did a lot of checking in with myself about if I would be okay with just my husband or just Mono and every time came to the conclusion that I couldn't be happy without BOTH of them. So I figured that means that my love for my husband has not gone away. It's just mellowed and different.

I used the analogy when talking to my husband that this kind of love is like a garden. Mono is a new patch of soil that has just been tilled and is ready to seed (he has been seeded now, HA!:D). My husband is an established garden and has annuals and perennials growing in it. He has trees that bear fruit and flower. His garden needs tending to, weeded, harvested, new seeds planted but it is there for good and just as exciting and valid.
 
Possessiveness is also a libra trait unfortunately...I'm wondering how you would feel about your husband finding another woman in the same context?
 
Red, thank you for sharing that. Most of all you've stated has already run through my mind. I question myself and sanity daily, hourly, at times. But I figure I wouldn't be normal if I didn't question myself due to the training of societal norms in our culture. I am completely open with my husband about my thoughts and feelings regarding love and he fully understands and agrees, to an extent. This whole concept is newer to him than it is to me, therefore, the more I research, read, discuss, marinate in my head, I'm able to discuss and share with him. Get his feelings. Usually we're on the same train of thought but at times, I find I'm already convinced that something is right and he's not right there yet. Those are the topics I let go of and readdress at a later time.

Mono, to address your question...it's one I ask myself constantly. I wish I could say that it would be easy for me to accept but right now I can't say that. But mostly because it hasn't been an issue that I've dealt with yet. In my heart, I feel that it would be weird at first, maybe a bit tough to deal with, but in the end I would recognize the love that is there and would learn to embrace her in our lives. I won't lie and say it will be easy. But I am open to love and will always try my best to fair to my husband. If I'm asking him to be open and share me, I have to do the same for him.
 
Libre2Love said:
Mono, to address your question...it's one I ask myself constantly. I wish I could say that it would be easy for me to accept but right now I can't say that. But mostly because it hasn't been an issue that I've dealt with yet. In my heart, I feel that it would be weird at first, maybe a bit tough to deal with, but in the end I would recognize the love that is there and would learn to embrace her in our lives. I won't lie and say it will be easy. But I am open to love and will always try my best to fair to my husband. If I'm asking him to be open and share me, I have to do the same for him.
Click to expand...

Poly people are a sweet mystery to me...I love my relationship but honestly can't understand the drive to go through these challenges.
I'm glad I don't have to understand to be healthy.

I sometimes wonder if poly people are all very giving and strong or very selfish and weak. (If I can wonder that..imagine what it looks to some one completely from the outside who isn't enjoying a poly relationship)
 
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That's a great point Mono. I have barely contemplated what we would have to deal with in coming out as a triad to our friends and family. Something I know that our new friend, W, has to consider is his four children. They're all 14 and younger and his ex is difficult for him to deal with. It is complicated and I can only hope we can work through the hurdles.
 
MonoVCPHG said:
I sometimes wonder if poly people are all very giving and strong or very selfish and weak.
Click to expand...

I often wonder the same, even about myself. And I AM poly. Can I go with all of the above?
 
I knew I was in love with my husband after our first date. I knew my entire life had changed. I also recognized it was the first "real" love I'd ever felt.

With our gf, I fell in love in about three weeks. The feelings were eerily similar to the ones I felt for him early on... the difference was we hadn't yet met in person. I wondered if the feelings would change or dissipate once we met, but they didn't... they grew, intensified and became much bigger and stronger... and more challenging and complex.

These are the only people I have ever loved. Though my love for him has time and history, I love her in the same way I love him. The difference, though, is that I never thought I loved a woman before her. In fact, despite being bi, I'd always thought I could never love a woman. Too much drama :p and effort.

Well, falling in love with her was effortless, though probably the most dramatic thing to ever happen in our lives. It's not always an easy thing, but it wasn't a choice. I fell in love with her, just as I fell in love with him (which for the first year, was also NOT easy). It's not a choice. I will deal with the effort required to make things work simply because I love her and want her in my life, in our lives. I will do whatever I can to ensure that it works, because I will love her regardless, and so losing her would mean having a broken heart and not feeling whole again.
 
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