Holy crap... I have two husbands... when did that happen.

Dagferi

Well-known member
I figured I would try my hand at bloging.. But I warn everyone now my life is pretty boring.

It has been 18 months since Murf came into my life. Today it hit me... I have two husbands. When in the hell did that happen. It was pointed out me today after Murf called me distraught over the brand new bedliner in his truck is peeling not even a week after it was installed and he needed he to handle it. The truck has less than 500 miles on it. I had it taken care of within 30 minutes . Had both the installer and Line x offering solutions immediately .

This evening when talking to Butch he said was my wifely duty...I answered... "What are you talking about. He went to list all the above and beyond things I have done lately for Murf.

I translate the cryptic legalese filled letters from his employer, investment , etc. I help make financial decisions for him. Call and make appointments. Clean his house ,cook..I can go on.

Butch is right I have a second husband. I go to him with everything too along with Butch. His opinion means just as much.

This blog will be a chronicle of my so called poly life.
 
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Dagferi

Well-known member
Right now Butch disgusts me.

His work schedule sucks. So does Murf's but Butch's is worse. Only once every 6 weeks do Murf and I get a weekend alone without the kids. Yesterday Butch says oh next weekend I am going out. I asked if it was Thursday. Murf is working that day. He answers with no during the weekend. I remind him I have plans. I get told tough shit.

I do not care if he goes out. I have an issue with the lack of respect for me (an on going issue) and for long standing agreement between Butch and I.

I am so over his passive aggressive bs.
 

Dagferi

Well-known member
Spending the weekend solo with Murf.

Going to enjoy some quality time.
 

Dagferi

Well-known member
I am at home 1 after a long weekend at home 2 with Murf.

Still feeling a huge disconnect with Butch. I do not know how to fix it. Or if it is fixable. But we are not hostile or fighting so that is good.

My weekend away was a bit of a roller coaster. Murf wanted to get the new engine into his Camaro. It didn't go as planned. But we reconnected after a rough day Friday and my avoiding him Saturday due to his temper which was directed at the car not me. But I have habit of taking little comments he makes too personal . We reconnected though and everything is good.

I admit I miss him already. I am an INTJ personality. I have never been like this over any man. Especially not after 18 months. I usually get bored and move on.
 

Dagferi

Well-known member
Trying to wrap up some menial household chores. Going to go spend the night with Murf after Butch gets home. I won't get there till after midnight but will stay tomorrow until early afternoon.

Tomorrow night I have a shift at the local vet er. Will be nice to work in my field again.
 

Cherub

New member
Hello Dagferi,

I hope that all is or will soon be going well for you (all) – and especially in the vet er.

If I may so bold as to ask, did your revelation of now having two husbands truly come as a surprise or was this something that you desired or at least considered as a possibility? If not, did you have other expectations where your relationships were headed?

How is the dynamic between your two guys? Do they get along well, have similar personalities, etc?

Is it possible that your husband is in some ways troubled by your time with your new guy and may this be the root of the scheduling complications?

This is a significant aspect that I’m concerned about with my wife’s interest in finding a bf. I truly enjoy her presence and miss her when she’s not there when I return. If she ends up spending “too much” time with her new guy, and I felt neglected or like someone boring and stale, I might respond if in a negative mood by making things more difficult for her to be away or be more withdraw if feeling self-conscious – at least until the time was right to tell her what was really bothering me. I don’t know how your Butch would respond if he had similar feelings, but possibly he might have similar feelings and reactions?

Respectfully,
-Cherub
 

Dagferi

Well-known member
It truly did hit me as a surprise it was a subtitle change in dynamic between Murf and myself. I totally missed it...lol. I am apart of Murf's major life decisions. And he is consulted on mine. For example 401K issues, new truck purchase, change in cell phone plan, expenditures for the house.Last year when Murf told me he loved me and he was planning on keeping me and I too knew he was a keeper it crossed my mind that I could see myself married to Murf. But Murf is an independent type who never needed anyone to take care of him. He has changed. Honestly when we started I just enjoyed whatever came my way. It has grown way beyond what I thought possible. I do not fall in love easily this man has knocked me for a loop.

My guys are friendly but not super chummy. We all attend kid events together. Spend holidays partially together. Occasionally Murf will come see me here but only if that is the only way we can see each other. They both have some similarities both are good men. Strong enough to take me on. (I am a bit strong willed) Physically they are different. Butch is 6ft blond haired blue eyed.very Nordic looking. Murf is 5'6" brown hair and eyes my spunky Irishman.

Our scheduling issue is because Murf works 12 hour midnights. 6am to 6pm. With rotating days off. Butch works 3-11pm 7 days straight with 2 days off then 8 with 4 days off. I work 11pm to 7am in an emergency vet clinic.

If you look at my post titled at a cross roads you will see my history and issues with Butch.
 

Dagferi

Well-known member
Had an ok day with Butch. Things were going well recently with him respecting my boundaries. Today not so much. Started the morning with him requesting some sort of fetish play or etc for doing household duties.

I came home from work tired and nauseated after work from a migraine. Just needed him to get the boys off to school. That's it.

He just doesn't get that Bdsm, his fetish crap and etc makes me feel dirty used down right sick to my stomach. It has been over 12 years and my feelings haven't changed. He gets upset that we don't have intimacy on any level like I do with Murf. Sorry dude you destroyed my trust in you years ago when you disrespected my feelings. Long before Murf ever fell into my life.

Work was sooooooo slow last night. But that isn't a bad thing since we are an emergency center. He is picking up overtime on Tuesday. I understand why but it does suck.

I won't probably get to see Murf until next weekend.
 

Cherub

New member
Dagferi, could you please let me know where to find the post you referred to “At a Cross Roads”?

I found an older blog post but with a different title.

Sorry to hear that you weren’t feeling well after your shift, and especially that your trust in Butch had been long broken and that this continues to so affect you both. Hoping things improve for each of you soon.

Also hoping to learn what pitfalls to avoid before anything develops with my wife. Thankfully she’s taking things slowly, which suits me fine.

Sincerely,
-Cherub
 
Had an ok day with Butch. Things were going well recently with him respecting my boundaries. Today not so much. Started the morning with him requesting some sort of fetish play or etc for doing household duties.

I came home from work tired and nauseated after work from a migraine. Just needed him to get the boys off to school. That's it.

He just doesn't get that Bdsm, his fetish crap and etc makes me feel dirty used down right sick to my stomach. It has been over 12 years and my feelings haven't changed. He gets upset that we don't have intimacy on any level like I do with Murf. Sorry dude you destroyed my trust in you years ago when you disrespected my feelings. Long before Murf ever fell into my life.

Work was sooooooo slow last night. But that isn't a bad thing since we are an emergency center. He is picking up overtime on Tuesday. I understand why but it does suck.

I won't probably get to see Murf until next weekend.

Why are you still married and living with him if you feel and think this way? Convenience/kids thing?
 

Dagferi

Well-known member
It is a kid/convenience thing. Butch is an awesome Dad and actually the more compassionate parent due to his work schedule if we were to divorce he would only see them less than 8 days a month and that is not acceptable.. I am not a man and can't teach little boys to be men. That hour or 2 before they go to school is very important. My children do not need their world ripped apart.

His obsession with BDSM is my only complaint. It is apart of who he is and how he functions in this life in an intimate relationship. He has this need I can not fill.
 
It is a kid/convenience thing. Butch is an awesome Dad and actually the more compassionate parent due to his work schedule if we were to divorce he would only see them less than 8 days a month and that is not acceptable.. I am not a man and can't teach little boys to be men. That hour or 2 before they go to school is very important. My children do not need their world ripped apart.

His obsession with BDSM is my only complaint. It is apart of who he is and how he functions in this life in an intimate relationship. He has this need I can not fill.

Obsessing? Does he ever actually talk to other mature people into BDSM, who have managed to incorporate their way of thinking while living with someone who isn't? Seems Butch could use some perspective on how not to carry on with non-bdsm inclined people - might help him channel things better.
 

Dagferi

Well-known member
My husbands need to be a slave is intertwined into his identity. I have no urge to spend my day issuing demands and punishments upon a grown man who I would prefer to be my equal. He had a very abusive domineering childhood. He equates servitude with love. I do not. I find it to be creepy and frankly a royal poison in my ass. It has gotten worse as he gets older.

We live in Podunk Pennsylvania. There is no scene here. He has no outlet. He is from Chicago where there is a large healthy scene.
 

Dagferi

Well-known member
I am in a good mood. After Butch gets home it is off to see Murf for me. I have missed him terribly. Maybe tonight I will actually get a decent nights sleep.
 

Dagferi

Well-known member
Spent the night and a good chunk of the day with Murf. Slept most of it but we both work nights and had to work tonight both of us. Slept like a rock..

Came home to the other house an hour before I had to leave for work. Made the kids dinner and ate with Butch and the boys. Hope tonight is quiet at work.
 

FullofLove1052

New member
I am enjoying your blog. Your life is not boring. I rarely comment on blogs, but I am following it.

I do not blame you for not being into what Butch likes. I cannot see myself doing that. I would look at my husband like GTFOH, dude. It would make me feel uncomfortable. He needs to respect how you feel and find an outlet.

Murf sounds like a keeper, and I hope your relationship with him continues to flourish and grow. :)

Ry
 

Vicki82

Member
Well, from his perspective... it's tough not having your needs met. D/s is not something I would be happy if it wasn't in my life either. I have pretty much sworn off vanilla romantic relationships at this point because they don't meet my needs.

Has he considered having an online Mistress at least, if you aren't interested and there's no local scene?
 

Dagferi

Well-known member
Ry.... Thank you for your kind words. I read your blog too. You and your family and how far you all have come after so much is heart warming.

Vicki.. Butch is more than free to seek out fulfillment where ever he can find it. I have given my blessing given some ideas to explore. What he does with it is up to him.

The last 2 days Butch has been off of work. Tried to spend some quality time with him. Of course he had to ruin things by bringing up CNET and chasity. He went so far as to ambush me with a pic from Fetlife on his smart phone. It just killed any good feelings I was having. He complains he gets no quality with me yet when I try he ruins it. The resentment I feel just ebbs to flow right back in again.

This weekend the kids and I are , are very excited that the"blue car"at Murf's. The boys are excited. It is the end of car show season and the 1972 Camaro is finally back on the road. I would rather take the 55 Chevy but Murf loves the Camaro so it gets to go. It is his drag racing car. I have spent the last 6 months helping get the money together to rebuild this car. Nothing makes me happier than to see the smile on his face when we take the Camaro out. It was his first car and he still has it over 20 years later.

I have been enjoying my new job. I really love working in veterinary medicine. I missed it. I love working as R's assistant too. He has been my best friend for 20yes. The language barrier is hard sometimes along with the time difference. But I get the job done. Hoping they do a us tour next. I only got to do a few limited East coast showlast time. My Health better Co operate for next summer.
 

nycindie

Active member
The last 2 days Butch has been off of work. Tried to spend some quality time with him. Of course he had to ruin things by bringing up CNET and chasity. He went so far as to ambush me with a pic from Fetlife on his smart phone. It just killed any good feelings I was having. He complains he gets no quality with me yet when I try he ruins it. The resentment I feel just ebbs to flow right back in again.
He obviously has a different idea of what quality time is than you do. Perhaps the next time he complains that he has no quality time with you, ask him what he means by that and what he would want to do during that time. What does quality time and connecting with you mean for him? Maybe, since he knows you won't participate in kink, he hopes you could just talk about it with him? Are you against that as well?
 

Dagferi

Well-known member
Honestly it skeeves me out as well.

Asked him today before he headed into work what he would like to do for quality time with me.

He said he wanted alone time with me.... Well he gets that 3-4 days a week for several hours solo. No kids no one else. He has my undivided attention from 8 til 2 when he goes to work. I work part time midnights at an emergency vet clinic and I try to either do my personal assistant duties before he wakes up in the morning. I have to do a lot of business with Germany so working at 4am makes sense. My work stateside tends to be on weekends when both men are working. Or an overnight during the week. So He gets solo time with me daily. Murf has to share most of his with my children which HE NEVER complains about.

Butch ruins any quality moments by bringing up things he KNOWS makes me uncomfortable. It has been 12 years for Gods sake.
 
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