How long does it take to not feel horrible when your primary and secondary partner are bonding alone?

When Chase was the age to need babysitting, I didn’t know any teenagers. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I mean, I exaggerate slightly, we had babysitters a few times but still.
 
I didn't like to use teen babysitters until my youngest kid was verbal enough to tell me how their night went. And our kids' grandparents all lived hundreds of miles away.

I didn't practice polyamory until my kids were teenagers. I tried when they were younger, but like you, my (ex) husband went off to have fun sexy romantic dates while I was stuck home with the kids. He had a long distance gf hundreds of miles away (in fact, in another country!), and he wanted to go there once a month for a three-day weekend of wining and dining and exploring her city, reading poetry to each other in bookstores, uninterrupted sex, etc. I was so envious and felt so unsupported!

So, I just insisted our family was being too harmed by his mid-life forays into fun and games with another woman. We really didn't have the time or resources for it, at that point. It's a very long story, but that's the gist.
 
Okay, this is a general question for Millennials and not a target for the OP... what's with this whole lack of babysitter thing? I babysat when I was a teen through my parents' church connections (and I showed up regularly enough that they knew me too.) There was a whole book series called the Babysitters Club, it was A Thing, a right of passage for teens almost, and now Millennial parents have noone to trust? Wtf happened? Why don't y'all have trusted young people to turn to?
We're hijacking the thread, but... If I get kids now, my answer is like icesongs. I don't know any teenagers. Not exaggerating much - after all, I hardly know any neighbors or so. My connections are mostly my age and have small children themselves.
 
In my case, I couldn't find anyone that could manage my kid's behaviors. Even people that advertised experience with special needs kids would quit after a few hours. Overnight was out of the question.
 
Okay, this is a general question for Millennials and not a target for the OP... what's with this whole lack of babysitter thing? I babysat when I was a teen through my parents' church connections (and I showed up regularly enough that they knew me too.) There was a whole book series called the Babysitters Club, it was A Thing, a right of passage for teens almost, and now Millennial parents have noone to trust? Wtf happened? Why don't y'all have trusted young people to turn to?

This is an American thing but have you heard stories from kids from our generations about their experiences with teen babysitters? Many people were sexually abused or witnessed sexual activity with a babysitter and the people they'd bring around.

Some were physically and mentally abused by teen babysitters and their friends. Not to mention that some of these teen babysitters were abused by the parents who hired them.

Shit happened. Kids were hurt or killed in the presence of a teen babysitter sometimes because they made mistakes. The onus could fall back on them and in turn, their parents. In a litigation country like America? That's a lot of responsibility.

Here in the UK, if a teen babysitter failed to keep a child safe, the teen would also be seen as a child who was failed by you as an adult. They wouldn't prosecute the teen, they may question why their parents allowed them to be such a position. But the parents would have assessments of their parenting at the very least. It would be seen as a failure of care by the parents.

I have to say, I mostly agree. But maybe I've assimilated here.
 
I did use a couple of teen babysitters once my youngest (of three) turned five. We had a girl 2-3 houses down who used to just come hang out with our family for fun as a kid. We paid her to sit for a couple years when she was pretty young, 13, 14. After that she started partying, and told me some stories... I wasn't comfortable having her watch my kids after that. But at that point my oldest daughter was able to be in charge of her siblings for a couple of hours so my husband and I could go out now and then.

I'm a boomer, but my kids are millennials. My younger daughter did a lot of sitting for a couple friends of mine when she was 11-16. She even worked for a family who had triplets and one older kid! She was a great hardworking sitter, very fun, and very kind.

Also, once my kids were older, when the youngest was about 6 or 7, and the others were 9+ years old, my husband and I did get some help from grandparents. His parents lived next door to one of his sisters, so we felt fine to leave our kids with them once a summer for a week and we could really have a great kid-free vacation. But that was just once a year...
 
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